New Sticky? What To Do When A Partner/Spouse Leaves

CharlieandAlice

i'm also in this situation, my husband moved out a week ago and is trying to force the sale of the house so he can get his hands on the equitity. Fortunately i can pay the mortgage on my own but not sure i can afford the legal bills of fighting him as he qualifies for legal aid on his full time wage but i don't on my part time wage as they take into account tax credits, child benefit and maintenance which on 4 kids takes me over the limit. So very worrying time when i'm constantly trawling the net for info while waiting to see a solictor.

emjem_3

We're still waiting for this to be made into a sticky!

MissMoneypenny

CharlieandAlice wrote: »

i'm also in this situation, my husband moved out a week ago and is trying to force the sale of the house so he can get his hands on the equitity. Fortunately i can pay the mortgage on my own but not sure i can afford the legal bills of fighting him as he qualifies for legal aid on his full time wage but i don't on my part time wage as they take into account tax credits, child benefit and maintenance which on 4 kids takes me over the limit. So very worrying time when i'm constantly trawling the net for info while waiting to see a solictor.

Have you thought about going to the CAB for advice? I did my divorce though legal aid (which meant a cheaper rate to pay the solicitor but not the Barister), but I paid legal aid back when I got the equity. That was in the 90s, so unless it has changed, your ex might have to pay it back too. Not that that helps you now with solicitors fees.

I have read on these boards that he can't make you sell the house while your children are young. That is why I though the CAB might be able to advise you on your rights?

MissMoneypenny

AnnieD wrote: »

Hi
We're going for a separation aggreement. A friend did most of her financial negotiating through Relate. Has anyone else had any experience of this or any other advice that could help me through this mine field at such a difficult time,
Thanks

Try and sort it legally as soon as possible, while everything is being amicable. Perhaps get as much advice from your friend as you can.

You are going to be ok, so don't worry.

emjem_3

______________bump______________

Fliss_Harper

Bump. I'm glad this topic is here. I wish I had seen it when I went through my divorce.

firestorm

My husband decided to finish his relationship with me a few months ago. (Just after his 40th Birthday :rolleyes:) Unfortunately he refuses to officially move out. (Usually stays 2 or 3 nights a week, as he sees fit) & treats the house like a hotel, dropping in as & when he pleases with no warning. He treats me like a piece of scum, blaming me entirely for the breakdown in the relationship. (Nothing to do with his refusal to communicate or put the familys needs above his own for the last 9 years then?) He still refuses to consider the children & doesnt attempt to hide his hatred & contempt for me in front of them.
How can I get this nasty, controlling selfish b*****d to leave?

newlysinglemumofone

Hi,

Im sorry i dont have much advice for you firestorm but im in a similar predicament, i've just left my boyf of 5 years who i have a gorgeous 2 year old with. Im living with family and he has stayed in the house as it was his house originally, my name is on the mortgage and for the last year i have been paying the majority of the bills. I do not want any money from the house, i just want to get my name off so i can move on and get somewhere nice for my littlun, i have quite a good income so am going to rent privately, i have never lived on my own so its gonna be a big wake up call but tbh i can't wait, think its exactly what i need. Ex-Boyf isn't taking it too well, in denial for a few weeks, kept saying i was silly and i'd move back when i saw it was the right thing to do,completely arrogant and blaming me for everything, usual story! He cannot afford the house on his own so i have to keep contributing until i get my name offf the mortgage, hopefully in the next 2 months, so not long to wait til i can move it on from here.

It really is a difficult thing to have to explain to a 2yr old why we keep staying at nannies but he is doing really well and doesnt seem to be too phased out by everything although the reason i left in the end was becos ex couldnt hold his tongue or his temper in front of an impressionable 2 yr old. I know im doing the right thing for my son but its hard to completely change your life overnight. I am worried about the next 16 years when i know how hard my ex is finding it to be civil to me atm :eek:

It has made me feel better to talk about it even if you are complete strangers so thank you

firestorm

Sounds like things will work out well for you in the long run once you have your own place sorted out with just you & your little boy.

Unfortunately moving out isnt an option for me because I dont have huge earning potential & certainly couldnt afford to rent anywhere on my own earnings. I wouldnt get any housing benefits because id of made myself intentionally homeless. I have no option other than to wait for the ex to leave.

Once we sort the finances out officially I will hopefully be able to afford a decent place for me & the kids, but until then im pretty much stuck at the mercy of this nasty piece of work. :mad:

donella_2

Hi Firestorm

(((hugs)))

Have you sought legal advice?? I have no idea how but a friend of mine took legal action and got a court order against her husband to stop him living there. All I know is that it was jointly owned with a joint mortgage, but he was not allowed to live there, and now the house is sold.

Good luck. And don't give up, this is one scary rollercoaster ride!