Partner never uses my name, is this weird

vodkafrog

pimento wrote: »

What did he say when you told him that you didn't like your name not being used?
You did ask him, didn't you?


Yes I have told him quite clearly that not using any term be it my name, shortened version that family use or 'love. dear, hun ect upsets me.

He acknowledge that he doesnt use any name to address me anymore and apologized, but couldn't give a reason, cause or his thought process behind it. Nor has he made any steps to change this behaviour.

Mojisola

vodkafrog wrote: »

[
Yes I have told him quite clearly that not using any term be it my name, shortened version that family use or 'love. dear, hun ect upsets me.

He acknowledge that he doesnt use any name to address me anymore and apologized, but couldn't give a reason, cause or his thought process behind it. Nor has he made any steps to change this behaviour.

This suggests there is a deeper problem than not using your name any more.

He knows something upsets you but doesn't care enough to make a very simple change? Not good.

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

This suggests there is a deeper problem than not using your name any more.

He knows something upsets you but doesn't care enough to make a very simple change? Not good.

Not good at all.
The post below says a lot:

vodkafrog wrote: »

I suppose the 'not using my name', is just one symptom of an overall gradual reduction in the affection he shows. I think I had just really just put that down to age, busy lives ect. However having had a few days to think and looking at some of the other views that have been offered, Ive almost answered my own question. Quite sad really as he is a nice man, but maybe we just haven't travelled along the same path so to speak. I had envisaged my later years to still have some degree of affection and intimacy with maybe more time to spend together. Rather the current situation feels more like that of a house share situation.

Smodlet

I don't remember you saying how long you have been in this relationship, vodkafrog. If it is fairly new, two or three years say, perhaps you have exhausted the "honeymoon period" and have reached the reality check stage. Certainly OH and I did that in the third year. The novelty had worn off and we began taking each other for granted; suffered a few bumps in the road and it was not fun for a while but we talked. We had to let each other know we were not happy and each found the other's behaviour unacceptable.

We got past the bumpy bit and are still together, I am very happy to say; almost at the quarter of a century mark. I don't know how he has put up with me all this time but thank goodness he has. He is an :A

seashore22

It's in the op. 13 years.

Smodlet

seashore22 wrote: »

It's in the op. 13 years.

Blows that theory out of the water, then. It really is time to decide whether to let things slide or do something about them, I guess. It is so hard, is it not? Mortgages, etc. Perhaps counselling could help, if vodkafrog wants to try that. Bumps can be overcome but only if both parties wish it, in my experience. Best wishes, vf.

bap98189

I was talking about this to OH last night. We decided to keep count of the number of times we used each other's name. In total, we got to 1, which was when she answered the phone but it was for me.

We came to the conclusion that using each others names in everyday conversation would be weird.

vodkafrog

bap98189 wrote: »

I was talking about this to OH last night. We decided to keep count of the number of times we used each other's name. In total, we got to 1, which was when she answered the phone but it was for me.

We came to the conclusion that using each others names in everyday conversation would be weird.

Thanks for taking the time to do your audit bap98189 . I agree, however this is an active and conscious decision to never use my name in any situation or circumstance, rather than a more normative situation that arises from not needing to.

takman

vodkafrog wrote: »

Thanks for taking the time to do your audit bap98189 . I agree, however this is an active and conscious decision to never use my name in any situation or circumstance, rather than a more normative situation that arises from not needing to.

If you say to him "What's my name?" will he say your name then?.

I've read all your posts on here and just wonder what he would do in a situation where he needs to get your attention but is unable to come to you. Such as if you get separated in a shopping centre and he can see you walking on the level below looking for him. So he needs to get your attention before he looses sight of you. Do you think he still wouldn't say your name?

HappyLassie13

Me and My OH don't really use each others names all that often.
However i do know that if he was making drinks and asked every person by name he would directly ask me also. Maybe not my name but a nickname, usually "annoying little S*** " it is an affectionate term for us.
If we are out and about, or if i have not answered him, he will use my name and i will use his in the same situations.