Partner never uses my name, is this weird

vodkafrog

For those who have asked how he refers to me if he wants to gain my attention, it is never by my given name , nickname or term of endearment. He will just launch into the request, question or statement.

It really came as a stark realisation when talking to a friend about her late husband and her explaining that she missed him calling the nick name he had for her. I started to think that I couldn't recall how my partner refereed to me, as I have a name that is used in full by most people but also often shorted by close friends and family.

welshbookworm

Pollycat wrote: »

How can you think 'not to listen' when someone calls your partner by their real name?

If you'd met him it would make perfect sense.
If someone started talking by using a name that wasn't his, he would automatically 'zone out'. He said it was because he had 6 brothers so if the name wasn't his he would stop listening otherwise he would spend all day at home listening to stuff that wasn't relevant to him.
If his mother wanted to talk to all of them she shouted 'Boys'.

vodkafrog

balletshoes wrote: »

that makes sense to me - so OP how does your partner address you in a situation like that? Or in a public place where you are not right next to him and he needs to call your attention to him?

He would never use my name or term to address or gain my attention. He just launches into what he wants to say, if I dont hear him he would walk over and say it again.

The best example I can give is earlier today, we have two friends and one son around for lunch. My partner shouted from the kitchen that he was making drinks... we were all busy chatting and only one of the friends replied. My partner then shouted in each other person by name, asking what they would like to drink. He didn't shout my name, but finished by repeating who he was making drinks for and saying 'is that it'. Whilst on its own, not an unusual situation, but this behaviour of never saying my name is repeated in all areas of our lives. He does acknowledge that he does it, but cant give a reason or even his thoughts behind why he does it.

Pollycat

vodkafrog wrote: »

He would never use my name or term to address or gain my attention. He just launches into what he wants to say, if I dont hear him he would walk over and say it again.

The best example I can give is earlier today, we have two friends and one son around for lunch. My partner shouted from the kitchen that he was making drinks... we were all busy chatting and only one of the friends replied. My partner then shouted in each other person by name, asking what they would like to drink. He didn't shout my name, but finished by repeating who he was making drinks for and saying 'is that it'. Whilst on its own, not an unusual situation, but this behaviour of never saying my name is repeated in all areas of our lives. He does acknowledge that he does it, but cant give a reason or even his thoughts behind why he does it.

Well, you either make an issue of it or accept it.

74jax

vodkafrog wrote: »

He would never use my name or term to address or gain my attention. He just launches into what he wants to say, if I dont hear him he would walk over and say it again.

The best example I can give is earlier today, we have two friends and one son around for lunch. My partner shouted from the kitchen that he was making drinks... we were all busy chatting and only one of the friends replied. My partner then shouted in each other person by name, asking what they would like to drink. He didn't shout my name, but finished by repeating who he was making drinks for and saying 'is that it'. Whilst on its own, not an unusual situation, but this behaviour of never saying my name is repeated in all areas of our lives. He does acknowledge that he does it, but cant give a reason or even his thoughts behind why he does it.

And did you want a drink? Did you say you did and he didn not make it ? Or did you not want one?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I had a boyfriend who had the most ridiculous nickname that all his family used - it was a Star Wars character, but [strike]because none of them were particularly smart[/strike] it was spelled wrongly and the pronunciation was incorrect, not even matching the spelling.

He insisted that nobody was allowed to call him by his real name because he didn't like it. Considering he was 40 at the time rather than 12 and a half, everytime I tried to use it, I couldn't get the name out because it was wrong on so many levels. So if shouting was needed, I wouldn't do it - if he were about to run off a cliff edge, I'd have yelled 'STOP!' rather than use it.

I couldn't tell him that not only was it a stupid name for a middle aged man and factually wrong, I inwardly cringed at the thought of anybody thinking I'd choose to be associated with somebody using it when in other respects, he wasn't all that bad.

But then I thought of the situation if we were to get married and him insisting on having his nickname used in the ceremony and on the marriage certificate. Nah.



Add in a few other issues and that relationship reached its natural end shortly afterwards.

Turtle

Yes it does strike me as a bit odd. I use my husband's name if I want to attract his attention, and he uses mine. If he was talking about you to someone else, how would he refer to you?

Red-Squirrel_2

vodkafrog wrote: »

He would never use my name or term to address or gain my attention. He just launches into what he wants to say, if I dont hear him he would walk over and say it again.

The best example I can give is earlier today, we have two friends and one son around for lunch. My partner shouted from the kitchen that he was making drinks... we were all busy chatting and only one of the friends replied. My partner then shouted in each other person by name, asking what they would like to drink. He didn't shout my name, but finished by repeating who he was making drinks for and saying 'is that it'. Whilst on its own, not an unusual situation, but this behaviour of never saying my name is repeated in all areas of our lives. He does acknowledge that he does it, but cant give a reason or even his thoughts behind why he does it.

That is a bit weird. Even though he can't explain why he does it, is he willing to try to change and address you by your name when you've asked him to? That is what matters I think, if he won't do something so basic when you've told him that its important to you and makes you feel cared about, well why not?

NeilCr

Turtle wrote: »

Yes it does strike me as a bit odd. I use my husband's name if I want to attract his attention, and he uses mine. If he was talking about you to someone else, how would he refer to you?

My OH says "oi you".!

This did make me think. We don't live together and, if we are out, we are either in a pair or in a group. In both cases it's extremely unusual for us to use each other's name. I might say "Hun" to her and she says "luv" to me but it isn't necessary. It just flows

Talking about her - as opposed to to her - is completely different

I'm with Pollycat here. If it's an issue raise it

vodkafrog

NeilCr wrote: »

My OH says "oi you".!

This did make me think. We don't live together and, if we are out, we are either in a pair or in a group. In both cases it's extremely unusual for us to use each other's name. I might say "Hun" to her and she says "luv" to me but it isn't necessary. It just flows

Talking about her - as opposed to to her - is completely different

I'm with Pollycat here. If it's an issue raise it

I would be delighted if he ever addressed me as 'hun', 'love' or any other common term of endearment. Ive given quite a bit of thought to why is bothers me so much and I think that its just such a marked difference as to how he referrer or uses the names of others in our family . His lack of ever using my given name, term of endearment or any other commonly used terms we use to attract the attention of those close to us must take him quite an effort. I have raised it again today so we shall see how this progresses, and as others have said I suppose either he changes, or if not, I need to decide if thats ok for me.