Partner never uses my name, is this weird

chesky

If you were running in the wrong direction, how would he call you back, or if he wanted to attract your attention in a department store, what would he shout? He couldn't just yell 'hey you' - or would he? In that case, I'd just ignore him until he called me by something I recognised.

supermezzo

I completely understand. My best friend stopped using my name years ago, just starts every interaction with a question - 'How do I do such and such, where is this, when will this be done' etc.

I snapped a couple of weeks ago and told him how anonymous/faceless it made me feel and was met with a temper tantrum in return.

The use of someone's name acknowledges that you recognise them as a person, not just someone useful. Means that you're talked to, not at.

vodkafrog

chesky wrote: »

If you were running in the wrong direction, how would he call you back, or if he wanted to attract your attention in a department store, what would he shout? He couldn't just yell 'hey you' - or would he? In that case, I'd just ignore him until he called me by something I recognised.

Re if he wants to attract my attention he just goes straight into the statement eg 'this way' ... re ignoring him, Ive have been trying over the last couple of days, but in reality it is quite difficult. Would be easier to ignore if he began by using a derogatory name, but he doesn't. If i dont reply to a question such as 'who wants a coffee', he wouldn't pursue an answer if I didn't respond.

74jax

vodkafrog wrote: »

Re if he wants to attract my attention he just goes straight into the statement eg 'this way' ... re ignoring him, Ive have been trying over the last couple of days, but in reality it is quite difficult. Would be easier to ignore if he began by using a derogatory name, but he doesn't. If i dont reply to a question such as 'who wants a coffee', he wouldn't pursue an answer if I didn't respond.

If I asked who would like coffee' and hubby did not answer, I would not pursue it further, I would think he did not want coffee.

I would not say Mr 74jax do you want a coffee.

Poor_Single_lady

I get this and agree it is upsetting. If your partner never says your name it can start to feel a bit weird.
2 ex boyfriends did this to me. One of them occasionally referred to me by the first letter of my name which was really irritating but never said my name.

It's just natural to call someone by their name. And when your boyfriend calls your name it can make you feel very loved and warm.
It's maybe hard to explain but I can see what you are saying. Vodkafrog

onomatopoeia99

I prefer that people don't use my name if they are talking to me, I find it really annoying when they do (estate agents are the worst, I can recall one occasion where the person seemed to finish ever sentence with ..., Mr <my name>. Sets my teeth right on edge. There are two people here, I know you are talking to me, so no name or title required.

Consequently the situation described would leave me entirely content and it's how I act. I'll only use a name to distinguish a specific individual in a group if I need them to know what I'm saying is directed to them, otherwise it is redundant.

Fireflyaway

I don't call my husband by his name unless I'm talking about him to someone else or if I needed to attract his attention in public. Never occurred to me that it was odd or could be hurtful. If you are in the house etc then you both know who you are talking to so is it really a problem? I suspect he hasn't even thought about it.

balletshoes

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I prefer that people don't use my name if they are talking to me, I find it really annoying when they do (estate agents are the worst, I can recall one occasion where the person seemed to finish ever sentence with ..., Mr <my name>. Sets my teeth right on edge. There are two people here, I know you are talking to me, so no name or title required.

Consequently the situation described would leave me entirely content and it's how I act.
I'll only use a name to distinguish a specific individual in a group if I need them to know what I'm saying is directed to them,
otherwise it is redundant.

that makes sense to me - so OP how does your partner address you in a situation like that? Or in a public place where you are not right next to him and he needs to call your attention to him?

Pollycat

vodkafrog wrote: »

I've been with my partner for 13 years now, I cant really remember when he stopped addressing me by my name, or by any other term of endearment, but its been significantly obvious to me for the last couple of years. He addresses other family members by their names but not me.
I raised this with him a couple of months ago, explaining that it upset me, but he offered no explanation nor has there been any change.

Has this happened to anyone else out there?

If my partner was doing something that upset me and I raised the subject with him, I'd expect to get an answer and an explanation.
And then decide if I felt the reason was acceptable to me.

consumers_revenge

Wait til youre next making love then shout out a few mens names randomly.


Then tell him names are no longer important or you would remember mine.