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Partner never uses my name, is this weird
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I think it is odd.
My husband does not use my name that often. It is just the two of us in our house so if he says "fancy a cuppa" it's pretty obvious he is talking to me!
If I am upstairs though and he calls out to me most times he will call my name or the pet name he has for meThe world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie0 -
For those who have asked how he refers to me if he wants to gain my attention, it is never by my given name , nickname or term of endearment. He will just launch into the request, question or statement.
It really came as a stark realisation when talking to a friend about her late husband and her explaining that she missed him calling the nick name he had for her. I started to think that I couldn't recall how my partner refereed to me, as I have a name that is used in full by most people but also often shorted by close friends and family.
This was something I could relate to when I read this thread. My husband calls me by various pet names - gorgeous (I'm not), sweet etc. The thing I like most is that he calls me by a shortened version of my name that no one else uses. If he dies before I do, I will miss that terribly.
Op, I do think it's a bit odd that he never calls you by any name. There must be times when he does need to attract your attention and it's hard to grasp why he resists using a name to do that.
I may have missed it, but is he in other ways affectionate and loving?0 -
I may have missed it, but is he in other ways affectionate and loving?[/QUOTE]
I suppose the 'not using my name', is just one symptom of an overall gradual reduction in the affection he shows. I think I had just really just put that down to age, busy lives ect. However having had a few days to think and looking at some of the other views that have been offered, Ive almost answered my own question. Quite sad really as he is a nice man, but maybe we just haven't travelled along the same path so to speak. I had envisaged my later years to still have some degree of affection and intimacy with maybe more time to spend together. Rather the current situation feels more like that of a house share situation.0 -
I think the last time OH called me by my given name was the day we were married, what with its being a legal requirement and all
however, he always calls me by the special pet name we have for each other. He would never just yell, "Want some more coffee?" unless we had just been speaking to each other. If he needs to get my attention, he unfailingly uses the special name.
I use the same name to get his attention however, once I have tried and failed to make him hear me three or four times, I resort to using his given name, usually in fishwife accents.:rotfl:
I used to work with a bunch of newbies who knew nothing about the job, who thought they could just swivel around in their chairs and shout questions at me without having the courtesy even to say my name, let alone "Good morning." I put up with it for a while then let them know in no uncertain terms they would receive no further assistance until they acquired the most basic level of good manners, including getting up and coming over rather than screeching from ten feet away. If I won't tolerate such rudeness from a bunch of ignorant brats I care nothing about why should I, you, vodkafrog, or anyone else put up with it from the one person who is supposed to love us the most?
I think you deserve better; I think everyone does. Whether that better treatment comes from him or from someone else, only you can decide.0 -
What does he write in Birthday, Christmas or other cards to you?
This post has made me think what I get called by my O.H
I do get my name "Sue, do you want a brew?" In another room from each other.
I also get mum " Ask mum if she wants a brew?" If one of the children are equidistant
Sometimes no name, yet what this post has made me realise, neither have pet names for the other but do have for the children. It works for us. I cannot see how he doesn't have a moniker at all for you.Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.0 -
What does he write in Birthday, Christmas or other cards to you?
This post has made me think what I get called by my O.H
I do get my name "Sue, do you want a brew?" In another room from each other.
I also get mum " Ask mum if she wants a brew?" If one of the children are equidistant
Sometimes no name, yet what this post has made me realise, neither have pet names for the other but do have for the children. It works for us. I cannot see how he doesn't have a moniker at all for you.
Not everybody writes the recipient's name or an endearment in cards - I wouldn't put any weight on that.0 -
Tabbytabitha wrote: »Not everybody writes the recipient's name or an endearment in cards - I wouldn't put any weight on that.
I disagree. If you cannot make a card personal...0 -
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Re if he wants to attract my attention he just goes straight into the statement eg 'this way' ... re ignoring him, Ive have been trying over the last couple of days, but in reality it is quite difficult. Would be easier to ignore if he began by using a derogatory name, but he doesn't. If i dont reply to a question such as 'who wants a coffee', he wouldn't pursue an answer if I didn't respond.
Offer him your right hand and say "My name's Vodkafrog, how do you do?"
What did he say when you told him that you didn't like your name not being used?
You did ask him, didn't you?
Edited to add: His pet name for me is "my little nest of vipers"..."If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair0 -
This made me think... M'wife and I don't necessarily use names very much (as has been said - when there's only two people there, you don't need to specify who you are addressing) but we do use pet names and assorted endearments. To not address vodkafrog as anything at all seems a bit odd and more so if it has become the case rather than him being someone who never uses names.
I do know what Smodlet means - I worked with a millennial like that a few years back. Perfectly nice person but I couldn't tell whether she was touching on the ASD spectrum or thought that "excuse me" and "please" and "thank you" were chargeable and should be used sparingly.I need to think of something new here...0
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