An update on me

seven-day-weekend

There's a Simon and Garfunkel song which has the words in it '...everywhere I go, I get slandered, libelled...'

Dekaspace, it appears to me that in your daily life you regularly have people who bully you and threaten you, call you names and in other ways abuse you. This is not the usual way. It doesn't happen to most people. So therefore maybe there might be something in your attitude that encourages this (I am not saying it is your fault, maybe you just do not know the appropriate attitude).

As you are autistic, maybe you need to learn the appropriate response to such actions.

I agree with Ames above, find a different takeaway. That is the most important thing. If these things continue to happen, wherever you might be, don't respond AT ALL. That means no comments, no smiles, no gestures. Straighten your back, hold your head high and walk away.

Eventually if your response, both verbal and non-verbal, is the correct one, these things will hopefully begin to lessen.

I will finish by saying that bullies' behaviour is always totally wrong. The advice I have given above is how not to make yourself a target. I am NOT justifying their behaviour in any way. Hope it helps.

BrassicWoman

mattpaint wrote: »

It's helpful, practical advice. What's wrong with it exactly?

It's insulting. It implies the poster doesn't understand calorie maths and is overweight for that reason. It implies fat equals stupid. It over simplifies and ignores emotions. If it were really that simple n o one would be over weight. Weight is mainly a consequence of emotion.

I have never heard that particular advice given by anyone with a shred of empathy in them; only by people wishing to somehow prove they are "better" than others. They may be thinner, but they aren't wiser or kinder.

Generally weight and fitness advice are best kept for occasions where specifically requested. This wasn't such an occasion.

seven-day-weekend

BrassicWoman wrote: »

It's insulting. It implies the poster doesn't understand calorie maths and is overweight for that reason. It implies fat equals stupid. It over simplifies and ignores emotions. If it were really that simple n o one would be over weight. Weight is mainly a consequence of emotion.

I have never heard that particular advice given by anyone with a shred of empathy in them; only by people wishing to somehow prove they are "better" than others. They may be thinner, but they aren't wiser or kinder.

Generally weight and fitness advice are best kept for occasions where specifically requested. This wasn't such an occasion.

I agree. Most people know the facts about calorific intake. Overweight people are not stupid.

There is a great deal of fat shaming going on in society. It's one of the few things to do with someone's appearance that isn't considered to be unkind. It doesn't help when advertisers use size 0 models and blokes with biceps to advertise their wares.

Being overweight is often, I would say usually, to do with the emotions.

mattpaint

BrassicWoman wrote: »

It's insulting. It implies the poster doesn't understand calorie maths and is overweight for that reason. It implies fat equals stupid. It over simplifies and ignores emotions. If it were really that simple n o one would be over weight. Weight is mainly a consequence of emotion.

I have never heard that particular advice given by anyone with a shred of empathy in them; only by people wishing to somehow prove they are "better" than others. They may be thinner, but they aren't wiser or kinder.

Generally weight and fitness advice are best kept for occasions where specifically requested. This wasn't such an occasion.

I think you may be taking it a little too personally.

There's a great campaign at the moment from cancer research about the dangers of obesity. Did you take offence at that too? If it's good enough for smokers etc.

mattpaint

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

There is a great deal of fat shaming going on in society.

There's shame attached to unhealthy lifestyles that cost the rest of us money. I don't see anything wrong with that. Being overweight is unhealthy - there is nothing wrong with pointing that out to people.

BrassicWoman

mattpaint wrote: »

I think you may be taking it a little too personally.

There's a great campaign at the moment from cancer research about the dangers of obesity. Did you take offence at that too? If it's good enough for smokers etc.

That campaign is not suggesting fat people are a bit thick.

I see looking back on your posts your style is generally "blunt." We aren't going to get along. You aren't going to care. Empathy is not a thing you appear to value.

You asked, I answered, you now seem to want to argue the toss. Let's not derail this thread any further; you may enjoy going over this topic in "Discussion Time".

dekaspace

Ames wrote: »

I don't think that's the reason. I think his autism is more severe than it appears, certainly more than dekaspace seems to realise. The fact that the police referred him to social services speaks volumes.

dekaspace - please find a different takeaway in a different area of town. I totally understand why you're going there, to get out and practice interacting with people through the staff. But you're creating a situation with these kids that you won't be able to handle.

Its more mental health, I have always been different and a target of bullies but that family death from years ago really screwed with my head and I never recovered, the autism part is more that I stand out and if someone does start they pick up on things like I am obviously a anxious person and kids being kids they interpret that as both a sign of weakness and a easy way to anger someone it goes way back I used to be popular at primary school horrificially bullied at secondary school so physically fought back but due to social background was blamed for the events so instead literally blanked the world out so stopped me making friends then when I begain repairing the damage the family member was killed. then I began university and had 1 hour a day sleep if lucky which made me even more a victim for bullies (I remember walking down the street and being told things like I should kill myself as I was fat, or if I ate a salad being told im fooling no one, or if I walked past/near a takeaway be told I must live my life in there, and the usual im lazy/greedy comments)

I always remember years ago I was in a empty bar and didn't notice 2 women walk in and sit by the door, I was glancing across waiting for a friend and they assumed I was looking at them and came up to me and were verbally and physically agressive and when I tried defending myself I got shouted at more and kicked out of the bar! I due to the autism didn't notice them sitting there, just as I can be sitting in a cafe staring at walls and if anyone enters my line of sight they assume im looking at them, (or if I turn my head as I notice someone entering my line of sight they assume I fancy them)

Thats the things the kids originally picked up on I as a reaction turned my head as I heard them being loud and witnessed them stealing which make them get agressive with me and threaten me with violence and call me nasty names.

mattpaint wrote: »

Sorry but you need to stop. You're putting yourself into dangerous situations for no reason - other than to have drama to boast about on the internet.

Im not boasting, thats like saying the reason you replied is to have something to respond to.

I mean do you really think I like having somone give me abuse?

mattpaint wrote: »

There's shame attached to unhealthy lifestyles that cost the rest of us money. I don't see anything wrong with that. Being overweight is unhealthy - there is nothing wrong with pointing that out to people.

I neither smoke nor drink, do you think I cost you more in the health sense than someone who is a heavy drinker or smoker?

And my physical state of being apart from being fat is excellent.

I have stated in the past I gained the weight during university when I ate junk food when I was lucky to get more than 1 hours a day sleep as flatmate was having 24/7 parties apart from that I have never been living that unhealthy a lifestyle apart from when the relative died.

seven-day-weekend

mattpaint wrote: »

There's shame attached to unhealthy lifestyles that cost the rest of us money. I don't see anything wrong with that. Being overweight is unhealthy - there is nothing wrong with pointing that out to people.

No as long as it is not insinuating that overweight people do not know they are overweight and pointing out the obvious, nor by making insulting remarks and comparisons (I know you have not done that, but many do. I remember a thread on here, I have never forgotten it, where someone referred to people as 'guzzling' or 'filling the trough').

dekaspace

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

There's a Simon and Garfunkel song which has the words in it '...everywhere I go, I get slandered, libelled...'

Dekaspace, it appears to me that in your daily life you regularly have people who bully you and threaten you, call you names and in other ways abuse you. This is not the usual way. It doesn't happen to most people. So therefore maybe there might be something in your attitude that encourages this (I am not saying it is your fault, maybe you just do not know the appropriate attitude).

As you are autistic, maybe you need to learn the appropriate response to such actions.

I agree with Ames above, find a different takeaway. That is the most important thing. If these things continue to happen, wherever you might be, don't respond AT ALL. That means no comments, no smiles, no gestures. Straighten your back, hold your head high and walk away.

Eventually if your response, both verbal and non-verbal, is the correct one, these things will hopefully begin to lessen.

I will finish by saying that bullies' behaviour is always totally wrong. The advice I have given above is how not to make yourself a target. I am NOT justifying their behaviour in any way. Hope it helps.

Leading on from my last post, there is something as even when I was happy before the family members death I remember just walking down the street especially on weekend night and people litrerally stop and call me freak, or do the "mong" sounds and gestures all the while laughing and talking about how much of a "r word" I am.

So its overall body language which as its natural I don't realise.

mattpaint

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No as long as it is not insinuating that overweight people do not know they are overweight and pointing out the obvious, nor by making insulting remarks and comparisons (I know you have not done that, but many do. I remember a thread on here, I have never forgotten it, where someone referred to people as 'guzzling' or 'filling the trough').

Isn't it insulting their intelligence to pretend they are healthy? It's my experience that many obese people don't accept how big and unhealthy they are. Perhaps if more people were honest with them, they would begin to accept it and change their lives.