Childless old people

svain

NeilCr wrote: »

While I realise that we all have our own takes on life I do think things are less black and white than you suggest.

I retired early (age 55) and yes it does take adjustment to suddenly not having work/your colleagues around. It is weird but the trick is to have something lined up to replace it. I'd joined my local gym and the chess club and was studying for my volunteering. Ten years on still using the gym (have made some good friends there) and am back volunteering after a break (ditto re friends). The chess fell by the wayside but two out of three isn't bad!. Oh and I met my partner through the volunteering.

I do have days at home watching the TV (doing it now) but these are balanced out by being out and about - gym, volunteering, lunching with friends etc. And, sometimes, the days in are nice. I love my Sundays at home - decent lunch, good bottle of wine sprawled in front of TV sport!

Ten years on - best thing I ever did was to retire early and to the coast, too! I love my lifestyle - envied by most of my friends still at work

I agree, if you are the outgoing type and can fill your time with activities then credit to you. I find that quite difficult, and need the structure of even a part time job to keep me in touch with the pace of life. Once i am unable to do this then i will plant myself somewhere where i can access interaction on my doorstep instead of relying on family, friends and neighbours

Pollycat

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

This strikes me as the most relevant point to the currentddiscussion -

"Healthy life expectancy
!!!61623; The healthy life expectancy of people living in England is 64.0 years for women and 63.4
years for men.80
!!!61623; At age 65, men in England can expect to live on average another 10.6 years in good health.
Women can expect to live 11.5 years in good health. For both sexes, this constitutes just
under 60% of their expected remaining life span."

Better start sewing my shroud then. :rotfl:

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

When you've been widowed you have to do things to occupy your time - that isn't necessarily enjoying life to the full, whatever it looks like to an outsider.

Oh, my friend has chatted to her, she's not viewing it as an outsider, they are and have always been very close.
The Aunt really is enjoying life to the full.

My point is - you're right! :T
When one of a couple dies, the person left behind may very well feel differently about things.
But not in the way you meant.

Red-Squirrel_2

svain wrote: »

Surely you can understand why there may be a difference though?

I'm sure losing a spouse is traumatic at any age. I don't see why it would mean that life loses all purpose and meaning for an elderly person though, if it wouldn't if they were younger. I think its rather insulting to lots of older people, including those who are widowed, who have fulfilling lives that are worth living and who don't necessarily think they may as well just drop dead!

svain

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I'm sure losing a spouse is traumatic at any age. I don't see why it would mean that life loses all purpose and meaning for an elderly person though, if it wouldn't if they were younger. I think its rather insulting to lots of older people, including those who are widowed, who have fulfilling lives that are worth living and who don't necessarily think they may as well just drop dead!

Having been widowed in my 30's, not "bouncing back" never crossed my mind. I was with my wife 10years .... however when i have dealt with people in their 80's/90's who have lost their life partner of up to 60years together, it is not unreasonable to think they would struggle to continue. Many never stop grieving. Some just dont know how to be.

You may think its insulting, but it doesnt stop it being a fact. I am very comfortable with the notion that "bouncing back" after being with someone most of your life would be very difficult.

NeilCr

svain wrote: »

I agree, if you are the outgoing type and can fill your time with activities then credit to you. I find that quite difficult, and need the structure of even a part time job to keep me in touch with the pace of life. Once i am unable to do this then i will plant myself somewhere where i can access interaction on my doorstep instead of relying on family, friends and neighbours

I am a guy living on my own and I really need structure!. My partner tries to shake me out of it sometimes but I like it. Same gym classes at the same times, weekly shop at 8 on a Friday morning etc. And the volunteering gives me the work structure. I go in on the same days.

I do get that it is easier for some to go out there and do it. Outwardly I am outgoing (got that from my dad) but, actually, with those I don't know I am very nervous. Walking into the first gym class, the first day at CAB was unbearably nerve wracking. I've learnt though that it is rewarding and that people don't come to you (especially when you are on your own) - you have to go to them. Apart from your friends, obviously.

Again, it isn't that black and white. It's not all about relying on friends and my partner. It's about a mix of that and self reliance.

svain

NeilCr wrote: »

I am a guy living on my own and I really need structure!. My partner tries to shake me out of it sometimes but I like it. Same gym classes at the same times, weekly shop at 8 on a Friday morning etc. And the volunteering gives me the work structure. I go in on the same days.

I do get that it is easier for some to go out there and do it. Outwardly I am outgoing (got that from my dad) but, actually, with those I don't know I am very nervous. Walking into the first gym class, the first day at CAB was unbearably nerve wracking. I've learnt though that it is rewarding and that people don't come to you (especially when you are on your own) - you have to go to them. Apart from your friends, obviously.

Again, it isn't that black and white. It's not all about relying on friends and my partner. It's about a mix of that and self reliance.

I think there is a difference between the stuff you "want" to do that fills your retirement time against "needing" to do stuff to fill time. The latter feels me with dread to be honest.

NeilCr

svain wrote: »

I think there is a difference between the stuff you "want" to do that fills your retirement time against "needing" to do stuff to fill time. The latter feels me with dread to be honest.

Indeed.

Which is why I ensured that the time filling stuff was about things I knew I enjoyed - or was interested in doing.

Barny1979

ceecee1 wrote: »

I wonder this - I am 60, childless and when my mum has gone will have no family.
If I was admitted to hospital for some reason - who would I tell, who would bring me clothes or money etc.
I worry about turning into an old lady who can't cope and lives in a dirty run down house. I am sort of hoping to get into retirement housing when I am in my 70s so that I have people around me, but as I own my property I am not sure if I would be accepted

I had this at 35, I lived over 100 miles from home, didn't want to inconvenience friends and parents are unable to travel to me, the nurses thought this was strange, but it was how it was unfortunately.

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Oh honestly, are you for real?

What about people who never married? Do they spend their whole lives just 'occupying their time'?

There is an enormous difference between someone never marrying and someone losing the love of their life - jt's similar to the difference between never having children and one of your children dying.

I'm surprised that you don't seem to understand this.

Red-Squirrel_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

My husband died two years ago after we'd been married for thirty years and my having looked after him for the last ten years of his life.

Not everybody has a semi detached relationship as you do, for many of us our partner is our life, however amusing you find that fact.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm afraid I still find your suggestion that an 80 year old widow/widower may as well just die to be offensive, sorry.