Childless old people

PasturesNew

Pollycat wrote: »

I've got a friend who's just the wrong side of 80 who meets us in the pub twice a week, walking a mile out and back home.
He drives and is still one of the smartest - in dress and mind - men I know.

Being able to think of ONE person ~80 who can do those things and afford to do them doesn't address the issue that every time he turns up down the pub he passes 30-40 houses during his drive where people are sitting, unseen, alone indoors without friends, or a car, or £5 to spend on booze twice a week.

Society only sees those people who are out/about - they don't see those not present.

Tabbytabitha

NeilCr wrote: »

But you'd still have your friends. Sorry. Not quite getting this.

Could you explain further?

Not everybody has the same friends for 20 years or more - people and their situations change over time. If you're friendly with people who share the same interests you may not remain friendly if you or they give up those interests, you may move or they may.

Life is about change.

NeilCr

PasturesNew wrote: »

Not everybody has friends to start with.

Friends die off. Friends move away to be "closer to family".
Older people start to find it hard to leave the house to get out to things, so lose friendships. "Friends" can't go the extra mile and go out of their way to visit them as they're getting older/less mobile themselves.

Friends have to live closer to you for you to keep in touch.

Friends might have an OH they are caring for, so drop off the scene over the span of 5-10 years ... and as you've not got a car and aren't all that mobile you'll just cease to remain in contact.

Those with families are "removed" from the circle of people as they get more involved in arrangements made for them by their families.

Your "new friends" at the local OAP lunch club "aren't really your cup of tea" and you only go for a quick chat, a hot meal and because there's a minibus laid on .... and a lot of those have families etc at home anyway. They are not looking to "make new friends", but to "get out of the house for 2 hours".

Well yes. But.

The statement by tabbytabitha that I was asking about was "your personal situation at 80 could be quite a lot different than at 60"

I can get you may be less mobile/be in some sort of supported accommodation neither of which would stop friends calling by.

I agree with most of your comments but some are not that relevant to the point in question

NeilCr

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Not everybody has the same friends for 20 years or more - people and their situations change over time. If you're friendly with people who share the same interests you may not remain friendly if you or they give up those interests, you may move or they may.

Life is about change.

Okay.

Well then I think you are talking about the difference between close friends, not so close friends and acquaintances.

Perhaps I am lucky but in my group most of us have got long term friends who don't come and go and it's these I guess I am thinking about. Agree re more transient friends and those linked to job/interests etc

Sure - life is about change. But a little bit of stability is good, too.

Pollycat

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Being active, smart or whatever doesn't mean that you're not old. It just means you're an active, smart old person.

My point is that my friend has a different mentality to the OP regarding age.

PasturesNew wrote: »

Being able to think of ONE person ~80 who can do those things and afford to do them doesn't address the issue that every time he turns up down the pub he passes 30-40 houses during his drive where people are sitting, unseen, alone indoors without friends, or a car, or £5 to spend on booze twice a week.

Society only sees those people who are out/about - they don't see those not present.

That's not my friend's issue though.
Again - my point is that my friend has a different mentality to the OP regarding age.

catkins

Me and OH are early 60's and childfree by choice. We know quite a few people but don't really have friends as such.

I do worry about OH dying before me and being on my own. I think I would try and get a retirement flat so that I was surrounded by older people who might, hopefully, keep any eye out for me.

My parents are now in their 90's and struggling with most things. They can't walk far, have both had several falls indoor and out and have some health issues. Up until mid 80's they were both still pretty active.

I know there is no point worrying but I am a big worrier so do. I just think I would prefer not to live past 90, particularly on my own

KxMx

It's something that's been on my mind.

I'm 30, single, won't be having kids, have one brother, 2 cousins, one of which has 2 kids. Those two children are highly likely to be the only ones in their generation.

I have friends but increasingly they all have kids and I'm the only single one left.

Of course I hope to meet a partner, I'd be foolish to assume at my age it'll never happen but realistically I don't have a good track record!

My health is quite poor now (support group ESA) and even if I remain stable once the aging process hits my life is going to be very difficult.

When I reach that point my plan is to pick up the phone and ask social services to help. I'd look to move into some form of care facility or sheltered housing if I was well enough.

I don't dread it like some do, I'm resigned to it. In fact even if I end up in a care home the thought of someone doing all my cooking, cleaning and general day to day stuff is rather appealing! I'd have company when I wanted it, privacy when I didn't and little responsibility.

My Nan at 90 lives at home but gets a lot of support (more than she will admit to) from one daughter and one grandson, with others ready and willing to step in.

izoomzoom

I am a FT carer for my mother, who has dementia. She is early stage 6, so is expected to live for up to 5 years. The alzheimers is killing her brain and she can do less and less for herself.

Anyway, my point, I am on a FB page for carers of dementia patients, and let me tell you, its family that care for these people. 98% are family, sometimes its a 'professsional carer' but its very rare for a friend to be helping.

Just my observation.

pollypenny

Over the last few years, I!!!8217;ve noticed that those who attend church or chapel regularly have a good support network. I can see that in one chapel, the local Catholic Church and the church in Wales church in our town.

There are a number of activirun by each, separately, as well as services and these offer ways to maintain or develop friendships.

I would be a hypocrite if I started to go to church as a sort of insurance policy, though.

Tabbytabitha

catkins wrote: »

Me and OH are early 60's and childfree by choice. We know quite a few people but don't really have friends as such.

I do worry about OH dying before me and being on my own. I think I would try and get a retirement flat so that I was surrounded by older people who might, hopefully, keep any eye out for me.

My parents are now in their 90's and struggling with most things. They can't walk far, have both had several falls indoor and out and have some health issues. Up until mid 80's they were both still pretty active.

I know there is no point worrying but I am a big worrier so do. I just think I would prefer not to live past 90, particularly on my own

90?
I'd be happy not to make 80!