Childless old people

ceecee1

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Don't you have friends?

That answer shows me that you have absolutely no idea of what it is like to be alone in the world.

I have acquaintances - all of whom have their own lives and none of which I would ask for help

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Don't you have friends?

You might have friends at 60 but that doesn't mean that you'll have friends at 80.

barnaclebill

My wife and I were unable to have children, we are now in our 70's my wife worries about not having family to look after her, I told her you do not have children just to look after you.
I know people with children who live in other countries and who do not bother much with their parents, that is worse than not having any

AubreyMac

Pollycat wrote: »

OP
Can you please define 'old'.

Last week my friend (who is a teacher) had to do a presentation in assembly about life stages from baby to the elderly. I was surprised she put 'middle aged' as 50 and we then had a bit of debate when I told her what I consider to be middle age.


To me, middle age starts at 35 - so this makes me middle aged.
I say 35 as at that age you are not 'young' anymore. For me I am a responsible homeowner and I get more excited to spend my money on kitchen gadgets than I do on the latest fashion trends. Comfort over fashion any day for me. Also, that is 'around' the middle of the average life expectancy I think.


To answer the question of what I call old, I'd say 55 onwards is old. But in relation to this particular thread, I'm talking about when you're old enough to need a care home (picture zimmer frames and stairlifts) and need help in life admin work (which generally is not 55). And what's the average age of care home residents? 75ish?


Whatever the number I or anyone consider 'old', I'd be very grateful to reach it as I'm very aware that not everybody gets that chance.

Brighton_belle

AubreyMac wrote: »

And what's the average age of care home residents? 75ish?

I'd say more like 85 ish

AubreyMac

Children should not feel obliged to provide daily care for their parents, but my initial question is more around someone advocating for an elderly person to make sure they don't get conned, abused or taken advantage of.


A friend of mine installed cctv for his grandma in her house as she had fake builders and workmen knocking on her door. He barely visits otherwise. That is the kinda thing I mean.


My dad is now frail, he's not at the stage where he needs help bathing or making meals but he does need help with admin work. Though my siblings and I find it annoying, we do help without too much of a grudge. If or when he gets to a point he does need help with meals, I am honestly willing to care for him in that way. Not sure how I'd cope if he needed help with wiping his butt or bathing but I'd get on with it if I had to but I suspect my dad would hate that as he values his independence.

suki1964

When you are 55, please do come back and tell us how old you are feeling:rotfl:

Im not far off 55, Ive got another 12 years to go before I can claim a pension so I certainly am not classed as old, either in my eyes nor the governments

I still go out and party, I can still dance all night and get up for my work in the morning. Im perfectly capable of running around after the grandkids, running a home, caring for my mother and work. I certainly haven't morphed into a beige nonentity twiddling my pearls whilst knitting

Oh to be called middle aged at 35. If anyone had called me that at that age id have decked them 35 was the start of my life, old enough to know better, but young enough to get out there and do what I liked with the money behind me that I could afford to

I don't have children, my husband does. One is in Australia, the other is married and has her own family. Luckily at 55 I'm still perfectly capable of wiping my own bum. But what I am doing is saving for my old age so that I can afford the care I need without relying on the state.

Brighton_belle

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

We are in the fortunate position of having children, but under no circumstances am I going to lumber them with looking after us.

Life doesn't always work out so neatly though - if you are close to your children and you are struggling, they re just not going to want to stand by and do nothing.
My experience is there is a limbo time when the elderly are not sufficiently disabled by age to be in a care home, but struggling with cooking, hospital visits,shopping and running household tasks they used to find simple.
There comes a time when previously robust and confident people become more fearful and anxious (and stubborn re their limitations) in a way you just can't imagine become when you are fit and able in your 60's and 70's

AubreyMac

suki1964 wrote: »

When you are 55, please do come back and tell us how old you are feeling:rotfl:

Deal :beer:

suki1964 wrote: »

Im not far off 55, Ive got another 12 years to go before I can claim a pension so I certainly am not classed as old, either in my eyes nor the governments.

My retirement age is 67 too, that's over 30 years time for me. By the time I approach 67 I bet the retirement age would have been pushed up to 75. I might just die in work.

suki1964 wrote: »

Oh to be called middle aged at 35. If anyone had called me that at that age id have decked them 35 was the start of my life, old enough to know better, but young enough to get out there and do what I liked with the money behind me that I could afford to

I feel that now too and you know, to me that's a sign of middle age ps - what would you call 35? that is not 'young' not to me anyway.

suki1964 wrote: »

I don't have children, my husband does. One is in Australia, the other is married and has her own family. Luckily at 55 I'm still perfectly capable of wiping my own bum. But what I am doing is saving for my old age so that I can afford the care I need without relying on the state.

We can plan financially now - I pay maximum % into my work pension and my property is the financial investment I need in the long run but I'm talking about who you trust can help you in choosing your care home and to check that you are getting what you buy/need etc.

NeilCr

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

You might have friends at 60 but that doesn't mean that you'll have friends at 80.

Well it might if you have friends of different ages. My best female friend is 48 and another is mid 50s. I am 64 and many of my friends (including my partner) are in my age group but I have others both older (80s) and younger. I never really get that your friends all have to be your age.

I live on my own. I am in a relationship - but we do our own thing a lot of the time. We have talked about living closer but I'd be surprised if we ever get round to it. I keep active I use the gym and volunteer and that means I meet new people and try new things. These days I tend to live in the moment and not worry about anything till it happens.

I am financially secure so I guess somewhere down the line I might end up in some sort of retirement flat/complex so there is someone to look out for me. But that is in the future and I intend having a good time for as long as I can

Perhaps it is the younger people who worry about it more. As you get older you get more relaxed about things (well I do) and while keeping an eye to the longer term enjoy the present.