My journey to a debt free life

Onebrokelady

HairyHandofDartmoor said:

I bet your Christmas decorations look nice. What are your garlands made of? Can you post photos of your decorations? We've put our tree up but not decorated it yet 🎄. I've put up icicle lights in the hall and berry lights around the living room 💥. I've also put up our two fabric advent calendars as they look festive . It's definitely making me feel more cheerful having the berry lights glowing as it's a grey miserable day outside 🙂. 

I hope you and DD recover your sense of taste before Christmas as you'll enjoy the festive food more. Being shouted at by a manager is horrible for DD, but it sounds like typical NHS management based on the experience of my late sister who was a nurse and suffered with some really AWFUL bullying managers. Even when she had terminal cancer HR insisted on going to her house to interview her about her sickness record 😡😥. 

Omg your poor sister, I would have made a complaint about that, unfortunately they do hassle you if you have lots of time off even if you have a serious illness, one of my colleagues was off having a heart bypass op and she still got asked loads of questions about why she was off

Onebrokelady

ladyholly said:

HairyHandofDartmoor said:

I hope you and DD recover your sense of taste before Christmas as you'll enjoy the festive food more. Being shouted at by a manager is horrible for DD, but it sounds like typical NHS management based on the experience of my late sister who was a nurse and suffered with some really AWFUL bullying managers. Even when she had terminal cancer HR insisted on going to her house to interview her about her sickness record 😡😥. 

My best friend was interviewed by our manager after taking some sick leave after her husband died and was asked in alll seriousness was the sickness likely to recur

That's terrible 😟

Onebrokelady

Sun_Addict said:

I work in the public sector and when Mr SA ran me over with his scooter and completely trashed my ankle, I was off sick for 3 weeks then went back to work in a wheelchair in a taxi when I could’ve been signed off for 12 weeks. Still had an interview because I hit the off for 3 weeks trigger 😩 Also asked whether it was likely to recur. 

This is what annoys me more than anything, when someone quite clearly makes the effort to go back when they don't actually have to and their employer doesn't appreciate it 😡

Onebrokelady

The tree is done and nearly all the decorations are up, I just haven't finish the window and put the last garland up, it's looking very festive and cosy now 😊The tv isn't usually in front of the picture it's normally where the tree is but the tree won't fit anywhere else and excuse the bits of tree on the carpet ,I hadn't hooverd up when I took the photo 😊 I will post a photo of the garlands/ paper chains tomorrow along with the window when I've done it 

Sun_Addict

That looks beautiful, really festive and cosy 🎄

Onebrokelady

Sun_Addict said:

That looks beautiful, really festive and cosy 🎄

Thanks SA ,it feels nice and cosy too 😊

Willowtree222

That's gorgeous xx

Onebrokelady

Nicnak said:

That's gorgeous xx

Thankyou, I actually like it in the day with no lights on 😊

Onebrokelady

I have woken up today feeling really positive 🎉🎉 my chest doesn't feel as bad as it has and I didn't get as out of breath as I usually do drying myself after my shower so I think the inhaler is beginning to work 🎉🎉 walking B was still a bit of a trial but not as bad as last week so it looks like things are actually improving 🎉🎉

I was in a reflective mood last night after reading Foxgloves post about her thinking on past debt. I thought back to my younger self and remembered that when I lived at home until the age of 18 I was a budgeter and saver, I saved to buy my own horse and my money was budgeted to take into account his needs plus paying keep to my mum. I never bought fancy clothes or wasted money, even things I needed for my horse were only bought if needed and not wanted. 
In the August after my 18th birthday I might my now ex partner who swept me off my feet, within a few months I had left home and moved in with him into a grotty bedsit ( it was truly awful ) a few months after that I sold my beloved horse because we needed the money 😢😢 my ex was in the merchant navy so used to go away for three months then come back for six weeks leave ,he worked on oil tankers in the UAE and earned mega money with no tax payable, when he came home on leave he would blow the whole lot, I was working in a supermarket and not earning that much but I quickly caught on to his way of spending and my money would just disappear too, he was very generous so I could party along with him and we made the most of it. This went on until I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter, I realised we would have to adjust the way we were living but he didn't and carried on, our first baby was born very early and sadly died at 7 weeks old which destroyed both of us. Six months later I was pregnant again and although the baby was again early she survived, we were about to move into a council flat when I found out my partner was cheating on me so we split up and I moved on my own.

I was now a single parent on benefits but managed my money fairly well, there were no fancy things but we had the basics,Christmas was saved for but was always a pinch point because I would get carried away but I always seemed to manage. Stupidly I got back together with my ex and from that day I never had enough money for anything, he had a drug habit so was spending on that and had been made redundant  but I didn't realise just how much he was spending  ,it got to the point one month where we had to sell things to buy food because there was just no money, he had a lovely motorbike worth thousands but we had no food. He then got another job and things seemed to settle down, money was still tight but everything was paid. He then persuaded me to have another baby, I wasn't sure at first because I didn't know if I could trust him but he had made an effort to change ( or so I thought) so I agreed, DD 2 came along and everything seemed ok for a while but then when she was about 18 months old I found out he was cheating on me again, the flat we were living in was I my name so I threw him out and went back to being a single parent 
Shortly after this I was offered a three bedroom council house on a new development so I moved into that house, I was still on benefits at this time but was careful with my money budgeted and saved for the big things I lived there for two years and my ex who had moved in with his girlfriend was having the girls at weekends, then they split up and he asked to move in with me .......guess what stupid younger me did.......of course she said yes so back he came but it wasn't long before we started to have problems, not with our relationship but with where we were living, it had got a bit rough with lots of antisocial behaviour so we decided to look into buying a house in a different area, we couldn't afford it outright so we did the shared ownership thing and bought the house I live in now, this was a turning point for me in a bad way, I got the attitude that because I was already in debt for my mortgage what did a little bit more debt matter, we were still relatively broke at this point but we got by with little panic moments where we had to pull the purse strings in again. Then the inevitable happened and I discovered my partner was having an on line relationship with another woman who he was planning on leaving me for . He moved out and left me with a mortgage to pay plus two children to look after, I was working full time by now luckily but not earning loads so money was super tight but one day I discovered store cards and 0% deals so long as you paid it off in a certain amount of time, I just thought do you know what me and my kids have never had any money to do anything and I'm done with that, they deserve better so I used those cards and then spent the next few years robbing Peter to pay Paul. It got out of hand and I realised I was in trouble and that's when I found this site ( for the first time) I had £3500 worth of debt and was advised to go on DMP so I contacted SC who gave me a plan but I never signed up for it because in the meantime I had realised I could remortgage my house, I badly needed new windows so remortgaged enough to have the windows done and pay off the debt, I vowed I had learned my lesson and would never get myself into that kind of mess again but it was an easy fix and I hadn't learned my lesson far from it I had in fact got worse. I told myself I worked really hard and deserved rewards for that work, I didn't see that having a home for me and my daughters plus food and heat were the rewards for working hard, add that to several unexpected emergencies and it was a recipe for disaster 
Thankfully I remembered this site and came back to find out what I could do to remedy the situation. Here I am now with so much more debt than i had originally but it's being paid off (although very slowly) I am in control now and almost back to being the same person I was when I was 18 

enthusiasticsaver

I have heard this so many times OBL for the reasons for getting into debt and you have done brilliantly to turn this around and now be in control of your finances. 

An unreliable partner, debt consolidation, the feeling of being fed up of not being able to buy what you want.  More of your debt problems seem to have been caused by your ex than something like unemployment, unstable work history etc which is incredibly sad but I am glad you remained strong, you kept your house and provided your daughters with a home in spite of your ex rather than along with him.  It is a cautionary tale to people to not fall into those traps but I am sure it has made you so much stronger to be dealing with it.  Regardless of how your ex impacted on your spending habits  you would not have your daughters without him but you do wonder how your life would have turned out if you had not met him at 18.  

I love the Christmas tree and decorations and glad that the inhaler is working.  Take it easy at work still though.