Things can only get better

Buffythedebtslayer

The door must have been particularly gutting as you had just had it all done, so relieved that you could fix it. Mr SA does sound like he is being hard work at the moment. I am sorry. I really do wish you could get some respite. I know, but anyhow. 

also, 10,000 steps would kill me, I would need a lay down!! 

evebeme

Some one has to say it, so let it be me. I've lived with your situation also. My hubby is not as advanced as yours but I'm now living on prescription drugs.

Perhaps the time has come to send him to a care home. Hard, yes. But the alternative for you is no decent rewarding life.

Flame away people, but it had to be said.  Eve

poppy811

@just wonder if regular respite would be possible/affordable?  I know you will be met with huge resistance at first but hopefully it would soon become the norm.  Regular breaks would give some much needed space for you.  Because of the brain damage your husband will have little idea how his care impacts on you.  Please feel free to ignore me, my comments are made with the best of intentions.

WinterWarrior

I expect you’d have to tick an awful lot of boxes to get respite care, or a home, or much of any assistance? These things seem to be hard to get and finance lead, which is so hard for people who probably just teeter under that line. I really feel for you, having things damaged and broken is no way to live. My ex used to break a lot of my things, but in nasty paddies, rather than somewhat careless accidents. Funny how it’s always something new, or that you’ve spent a lot of time and effort on, or that you really love and rarely anything of theirs! 

@poppy811 you are so right that he seems to have little idea of his impact on SA ☹️

@evebeme so sorry you have this too 😞

Sun_Addict

We'd probably have to sell our house to pay for a care home and I really don't want to do that unless it was absolutely necessary. I'm supposed to have a carer's assessment once a year (must be well over a year since the last one though) and there is an allowance in there for some sort of respite care should it be needed but it has to meet certain conditions. For now I'm afraid I just have to put up with it and make the most of any time spent away either at the office, meeting friends for lunch or just taking myself off out for the day. Mr SA really doesn't see there is a problem and thinks the world revolves around him and what he wants so Polly you've hit the nail on the head there. DD even mentioned the other day that he could do with a stint in a care home to make him realise how good he's got it at home. I think when he left hospital no one envisaged that he would go on for so long as most people with his condition relapse within a few years. Even his consultant can't believe he's still here!

That aside, today is NSD 8/12 - 2 days in a row, what's going on! We do need a few bits but I'm trying to leave it as late as possible in the week. We can manage with what we've got for today. 

Have been in the office this morning, just need to do another hour from home to make my hours up. It was spitting with rain a bit this morning on my walk in. It was a bit too cool for me in the office as the air con was on, I was contemplating putting my coat on at one stage!

I'm having a portion of veggie lasagne from the freezer with salad for tonight's dinner. Exercise wise I should hit 20,000 steps by the end of today and I plan to do a Pilates session after work, I could really do with some stretching out.

foxgloves

Mr SA must be made of tough stuff then, @Sun_Addict. It must get very difficult for you at times & I think your trips out, seeing your friends & just going off for walks on your own are really important to have some downtime. It's always nice to read that you've had a good day out & have enjoyed a bit of a break. You have a very pragmatic attitude. I'd like to think I'd be the same, but I don't know......none of us do, unless we are plunged into a similar situation. Hope you feel your diary helps you let off a bit of steam sometimes.
F x

badmemory

You have rights too.  You would not have to sell the house.  They can put whatever they like as a debt on your house but you can still live there.  I think you are over 60 or nearly that.  Once you are then you tell them to rock on.  When it comes to choosing care homes some of us have been involved in the past.  But respite care is a must for you, yes you.  In sickness & in health is one thing but it is meaningless if it kills you.  Mr SA has done so well so far because of what you have done, but you need help.  When your children realise that help is needed then you know that it is time as they have also realised that you are not (what) invincible.

Sayschezza

SA you have my sympathy too. My OH isn't brain injured but is semi disabled. He won't stir from the house to go anywhere except the doctors. We have no car anymore because he became unsafe to drive. My friends refuse to come round because he is so rude to them as he is to me. He tells me it's not my problem. He's also far to old (80 this year) to tell to leave and my family love him to bits although they do wonder how I put up with him. His family have very little to do with him except occasional phone calls from him to them. Never the other way round. At 78 I do feel my life is mostly over although I do manage a holiday away with a friend once a year. 

Sun_Addict

Sayschezza said:

SA you have my sympathy too. My OH isn't brain injured but is semi disabled. He won't stir from the house to go anywhere except the doctors. We have no car anymore because he became unsafe to drive. My friends refuse to come round because he is so rude to them as he is to me. He tells me it's not my problem. He's also far to old (80 this year) to tell to leave and my family love him to bits although they do wonder how I put up with him. His family have very little to do with him except occasional phone calls from him to them. Never the other way round. At 78 I do feel my life is mostly over although I do manage a holiday away with a friend once a year. 

What an awful situation for you to be in. I'm glad you get your holiday away, sounds like you desperately need it.

WinterWarrior

That’s so sad @Sayschezza. It’s awful that people can be so rude to the people they depend on the most. I did work with a lady who had a separate bedroom to her husband and happily led a separate life. She would go to her room after dinner and watch her tv and eat posh chocolates. It was her version of making the best of a bad situation.