Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Sammie36

Thank you savvy_sue.

Savvy_Sue

As I don't know who else is around with direct experience of this, I shall say a little more.

I don't know if you need to take care of anyone else at the moment, but you MUST keep taking care of you. However hard it is, you must eat - soup and toast are better than nothing - drink - but not too much alcohol! - and sleep - which I know is probably impossible. Anything else is a bonus.

I'm going to suggest sleep now. Can you warm the bed and your nightclothes? Grab a pillow and howl into it while you cuddle it?

Sammie36

Thank you for response. I have 3 children.

I don't seem to be able to sleep at night but spend most days in bed.

I'm really trying but it's getting harder.

Savvy_Sue

Oh Sammie, I remember your thread on Marriage and Families about it being a bad day.

You are doing a good job: you are caring for your children. This is huge, it's horrendous, and you feel it's getting harder. Don't beat yourself up about that: it's not your fault.

What would you do if one of your children was struggling to sleep? Hot milky drink? warm bath? soothing music? anything that smells of lavendar handy? Get warm and comfy, at least.

Savvy_Sue

Also remember the Samaritans are there all night (I will have to go to bed myself at some point!). You don't have to be at breaking point to call them. I've just checked their website:

We Support Anyone Who Needs Help. Whatever You're Going Through, Talk to Us Now. You Talk, We Listen.

You can tweet, text or email them if you don't feel you can manage a phone conversation.

Sammie36

Thank you.

I will take a look at their website. Not sure I will manage a call without breaking down.

I seem to be too agitated to relax. I can't even sit in our living room since it happened.

Thanks for listening.

Savvy_Sue

Sammie36 wrote: »

I will take a look at their website. Not sure I will manage a call without breaking down.

Well, remember they are well used to people breaking down. Just grab a box of tissues before you start the call. or, if you'd rather, go for texting or email. You might find just writing stuff down will help.

Sammie36 wrote: »

I seem to be too agitated to relax. I can't even sit in our living room since it happened.

Go back to what I asked about what you'd do if this was one of your children. Try any or all of those. And remember to breathe when it all starts to hit you again. In, and out. In, and out. Go wherever you can be comfortable, and warm (I know when I stay up too late I often let myself get really cold, and then I'm too cold to sleep!)

Sammie36 wrote: »

Thanks for listening.

You're welcome. I see your green light's still on, I know mine's gone off and come on again, but I really am off now, and may not get back to the computer very early tomorrow. However you WILL be in my thoughts.

Dymphna60

Sammie thinking of you and hoping that you find the right help and support for you .
My parter died in June although I am 20 years older than you and don’t have children to support so our circumstances are different.
However I have gone through feeling that things got worse just at the time when people however kindly felt that you should be starting to ‘get over it ‘ I think it’s the terrible loneliness and a horrible anxiety.
My experience can only be mine but I can say that I am in the last few weeks able to sleep better. I think because I always know when I wake in the night that he is dead and don’t have to remember every time If that makes sense?


My thoughts are with you x

MrAPJI

Glad you've found the thread Sammie. There are probably few words of real comfort that I can give you at the moment, but like most of those that visit this thread, I do understand how you are feeling. Apart from a profound sense of loss, there will be so many emotions running through your mind that at times might feel quite overwhelming - that's to be expected. What I found helped me the most was to talk ''anoymously'' on this site about how I was ''really'' feeling. In the ''real'' world I tended to hide my true emotions and that didn't help me one little bit. In talking here, I found tremendous support and kindness which helped me through those painful times. My heart goes out to you Sammie and also to your three little ones. Take good care of yourselves and please don't bottle things up inside - keep talking and we will keep listening - you are not alone.

crv1963

Hi Sammie

Every one is different but what is important is that you care for you. Do as suggested make sure that you eat, try sleep and as hard as it is keep a routine. Make sure that you talk, mix with others and recall all the happy times.

My mother talked about Dad a lot- still does and when we go to places that he liked recalls the good times. Don't avoid places it is okay to get upset/ cry/ feel angry.

Take care.

CRV