Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Savvy_Sue

Sammie, I'm so glad you're still letting your feelings out here. You can do this. It won't always be so awful. but there's one thing I'm unsure about: you say

Sammie36 wrote: »

It's been a looong 10 weeks and on Sunday it's his birthday. It's been a very emotional week for my youngest daughter and she has cried more this week then she has done before. She is going to need me to be really strong for her this weekend but I know I'm going to be a huge mess.

You know, I'm not sure she needs you to be 'strong' for her - although you ARE strong. I think it's OK to both howl together - and with the others too, if that's what they need.

these 'firsts' are terrible, and perhaps even worse when they come so close to the death itself, and then on top of one another like this - birthday then Christmas. Acknowledge this - but keep reassuring yourself - and the children - that it won't always be so awful.

If you can manage to think of some happier link to him, would that help? Something that will have you all going "he always loved ..." - and then you can howl that he's not there, but remember him with affection?

Sammie36

To be honest I don't know what would help. We do talk about all the great times but then we feel worse.

Yes these firsts are awful. My daughter turned 7 a week before her dad died but my son's 10th birthday fell 2 days after his dad's funeral.

My son doesn't want to celebrate Christmas but my daughter thinks she does. If I'm honest I could so easily sleep through this whole dreaded season.

I wouldn't do anything except stay in bed if it was up to me but just going through the motions for them. That's getting harder and harder with every passing day.

happyandcontented

Sammie, I have no idea what you are going through, but I want you to know that the people on here do care and will do their utmost to console and offer as much help as they can.

Children are resilient, but hey value honesty, so mourn together, but over Christmas maybe try to be in the company of close family who can share the load and take over with the children when you need time to rage against the unfairness of it all.

MrAPJI

Thinking of you Sammie on John's birthday. This will be such a difficult day for both you and the children - hope you have close family with you to help you through and to give all the love you will need.
Stay strong Sammie - John's love will always live in your heart.

sheilavw

I second that. Treasure your memories xx

L-J-R

And do be aware - and remember - that there are many like me who don't really know what to say to help, but want you to know - even if they don't post - that they're thinking, with love, of you and your family.

BucksLady

I hope you are ok Sammi and also your children xx

Sammie36

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts.

Today was tougher then I thought. I feel completly drained right now. We went to johns grave to clear away all the dead flowers from the funeral 5 weeks ago(We go weekly but the flowers have stayed nice) .

It's hard to make a heap of soil look nice isn't it. We can't get a headstone for a while.

We took up a balloon, a reindeer planter and a wooden Christmas tree.

My youngest was so brave today, she comforted me. We lit a candle and Chloe sang happy birthday for her dad.

Hope everyone else had a good weekend x

sheilavw

Bless you, what a difficult day. I feel so so sad for you all having to cope with this x

Sammie36

My son today asked me if I thought his dad was mad with me for not being able to save him. I must admit that question hit me a little.

I performed CPR on him before the paramedic arrived and I often wonder if maybe I didn't do it properly or quick enough.

John apologised to me just before he died - and I didn't have time to respond. I SO regret not telling him I loved him in the short time before he lost consciousness but it was just so unexpected.

I think the regrets and guilt make me feel even worse.

I feel like I'm going to go crazy.