Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

[Deleted User]

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Nothing different here, I'm still crying most of the time. Thers no longer any point to my life.

Don't give up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6yUY7M9yfw

Torry_Quine

Sleazy wrote: »

Don't give up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6yUY7M9yfw

Thank you.

[Deleted User]

wish me luck today. I am just waiting to arrange viewings and also a viewing on a 2006 property in impeccable condition on the outskirts of my local area. Depends very much on the orientation today when I drive around, I need the light, which I do get from this home. I slept hardly a wink last night, really didn`t, it is so very hard to travel to these places, explore and make decisions on my own. The children are great in that they give me very good feedback but at the end of the day, this is my decision. I have a strange combination of feelings today, don`t particularly like them but I read other threads and other people do it on their own and some are much older or cannot be so choosy. The overwhelming feeling is that I think a conclusion is drawing closer and that has to be good

poppy811

Hi
I too am doing the shall I/ shan't I move and downsize question. I love my village but it has no public transport or shop. I am looking at moving locally to a a small town or village nearby but it is thoroughly depressing at the moment as I have a very limited budget. I am also loathe to get rid of my old and battered furniture which looks fine in this old cottage but would not suit a newer house/bungalow. On the other hand a newer place would not require the maintenance expenses and reducing the garden size would be a big plus. Hopefully when the weather cheers up there will be more property coming on the market.

poppy811

Torry
I hope today is a better day, the pain you are feeling is like no other. Please ask for help if you feel you need to. I have had to have a lot of help from professionals. Just coming to the end of some Psychology input to help with the flashbacks and panic attacks I experienced after my husbands very traumatic death. It has really helped. Having said that everyone grieves in different ways so please ignore me if this is not helpful..I am just very worried about you. Hugs

lessonlearned

Torry......thinking of you. Hang in there. Those tsunamis get smaller and less frequent with the passage of time. That awful raw pain will eventually ease off. The pain and grief never go away completely but we learn to cope. I am afraid all we can do is ride it out.

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts.

Kittie.......good luck today. Just trust your instincts, you will know when you find the right house. I think having to choose a house alone once you have lost someone is very different from having to do it when you are or aways have been a singleton.

I bought and sold a couple of properties before I met my husband. It was exciting and I loved it. It was the beginning my adult life, it was an adventure. Now it just feels like a chore for which I have no energy or enthusiasm.

Hopefully if I find the right place then all my old enthusiasm and interest will return. In the past I have loved diy and nest building, perhaps I will again. It does not help that I feel so tired all the time and that my muscles and joints hurt. As well as house hunting I also need to get fitter, stronger and healthier.

I have had a good look online at properties but I am not going to physically view any just yet. I have bookmarked them for now.

I have made a decision on my modus operandi. I will sell first, then rent whilst I search for the one. I would rather spend a bit of money on rent than rush to buy and make a dreadful mistake. I think location is going to be paramount, safety, quietness and yet close proximity to shops and amenities for when I am unable to drive.

Just simply deciding on how to proceed has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I am still unsure on the type of location. Renting means I can try before I buy.

Today I have several bags of stuff to take to the charity shop. Then the rest of this week I can fill up a few more. I still have a lot of downsizing to do. At least it seems a bit warmer today. When the weather improves I will clear up some stuff in the garden and do a recycling run.

My muscles are very sore so I will try and do some yoga stretches. It is a vicious circle, when I am in pain I feel disinclined to exercise however if I shy away from exercise the pain gets worse. I have booked a full body massage for Thursday which hopefully should help me break the pain cycle. The cold damp weather does not help. Hopefully some warm sunshine will sort me out. I have been thinking I will buy that sauna, if not now, then certainly for next winter.

Kittie.....like you, I think that I can now see a way forward at last, as you say a conclusion of sorts. It takes a long time but I think we are getting closer.

One of my widowed friends has been alone now for 9years. She was left with two youngish children. They both moved out only fairly recently and she has just downsized. She went for a new build too and loves her new home. She said it was cathartic and that she feels like she has been given a new lease of life.

Hopefully that is how we will feel.....all in good time.

White_musk

Good afternoon ladies.

I'm going to start looking at wallpaper for the bathroom and living room ready for Spring. My bathroom is half tiled so I could paint but I quite like the idea of a nice paper. I'm not going to do the kitchen as it will all be coming out for the new one and boiler. The boiler I have now has proven to be much better than I thought it might. It's as old as the hills and not a combi but it does the job excellently. I did hum and har about keeping it but I do think a combi would be better as I do have to heat an entire tank of water just to was a load of dishes.

I am really enjoying reading all about your proposed house moves although I confess I'm glad mine is over. (I would add a smiley face here but don't know how). I paid to have the removal company pack up the house and I was pleasantly surprised to find it didn't cost an awful lot more than just a move. It also took a lot of stress out of the day. The downside was, the removal company decided to put almost all of the boxes and bags into my bedroom, that meant having to struggle to get into bed until I could clear a path - not fun. As I mentioned upthread, I also had too much stuff so it made for an uncomfortable few days. Keep a close eye on your movers ladies.

The weather here is appalling, it's absolutely pouring down, it's like sheets of water and it's chilly too. My dogs poke their noses out of the door then scarper back to bed. Lets hope we get some sunshine and warmth soon.

Torry, I'm thinking of you.

Edit to add:

Since moving I've had my shopping delivered. I eat loads of fruit and veg as it is excellent packing with few calories and obviously it's really good for you and I love F&V. The thing is, I've had to buy quite a bit of frozen as for some reason T has been short of fresh. I don't mind the frozen berries I have for breakfast although it's a pain if I forget to thaw them the night before. So, I'm going to start going into town and buy my fruit and veg from the greengrocer. I moved house in part to make shopping easier yet I've haven't actually been. With the weather (hopefully) improving I really have no excuse and I will much happier seeing all that fresh produce in the fridge. I don't eat potato's so no heavy carrying.

Hugs.

White_musk

poppy811 wrote: »

Hi
I too am doing the shall I/ shan't I move and downsize question. I love my village but it has no public transport or shop. I am looking at moving locally to a a small town or village nearby but it is thoroughly depressing at the moment as I have a very limited budget. I am also loathe to get rid of my old and battered furniture which looks fine in this old cottage but would not suit a newer house/bungalow. On the other hand a newer place would not require the maintenance expenses and reducing the garden size would be a big plus. Hopefully when the weather cheers up there will be more property coming on the market.

That's sad. I am in a village and around five doors away from the local shop one way and about the same the other way is the hairdresser. Our public transport is good too and we have an excellent local taxi firm. In my last house I lived in a city and was a good way-a-way from my local shop and the bus stop was quite a distance away too. These were part of the reason why I hated it so much, there was other reasons too but this certainly added to it. If I open my front door I can see the bus stop without my glasses on, it's that close.

[Deleted User]

I am back, eaten and watered and now feeling not quite so drained.
My feedback:
property 1 was cheaper, inside lovely, garden very small not sunny for some of the day and overlooked on all sides from top windows in new builds. Struck off.

Property2 biggish garden, big enough, sun all day, lovely inside but I have 2 `undoing` jobs to do, they thought they were upgrading. Spoke to 2 out of 9 owners and they were lovely, they have a meal out every month, christmas gatherings and so on. One was a widow of 9 years, the other the male of a couple and my age. I liked the community that is already forming. Mentally I have decided where to put my furniture, however the second viewing is on saturday and I am taking a structs engineer friend and his wife. I am being completely detached tbh as it is such a big move for me. If saturday passes, then I will put in a 5% lower offer, which is the price they bought if for as a new build 18 months ago. New builds fall during the first 2 years of occupation. It will be a take it or leave it offer. There are lots of lovely properties in lovely active villages in that area. I had afternoon tea in one today

Poppy you and I are old enough and wise enough to not care about how furniture looks to other people in a new house. My furniture is in the main, brown and bulky, so what? It is mine

Torry_Quine

Just checking in. Still not good but I've been out for a short while to a short lunch time service in a church in town followed by lunch. The hymn sung was one of the ones from his funeral so more tears there. Came home and as usual sobbed my heart out.

I've already had people asking if I'm going to be moving! Unlike some of you though it's a small two bedroom flat so downsizing not an issue.