Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

White_musk

Hello ladies, I hope everyone is feeling a bit better today. The miserable weather certainly has a lot to answer for. It was raining like billyo earlier on and it's chilly today. I hear we are to have some snow tomorrow. We must surely be due to step into Spring soon. I love to have all the windows open and fresh air blowing through the house, I wonder if in some small part that is adding to the feeling of being hemmed in?

One of my DD phoned this morning with an invitation for Easter lunch out somewhere tomorrow. I snapped up the chance as it also means time with my youngest GC - Bliss.

My kitchen window is an absolute disgrace, the problem is, it's rather large, high up and I have to get the step ladders out. I keep looking at it and heading towards the ladders then backing away. I need a kick. I vacuum each day and run a duster round, mainly to take up a bit of time. I fear my home will end up being a place where people won't feel comfortable, silly I know. DH used to love everything 'just so' but not obsessively, I think I'm becoming obsessive.

I looked on the U3A website and there is a branch close to me. I think it's intended to serve all the villages around me. There are loads of activities and such and I think I'm going to join. Thank you to both Poppy and Kittie for mentioning it.

I'm going to clean that window.

Hugs.

White_musk

lessonlearned wrote: »

Sounds like you have got it pretty sussed Kitty. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book and either buy a new house or make this one more like home rather than a staging post. At the moment it still feels temporary. I know it is only a stepping stone but I can finish it and make it mine even if I know I need to sell within the near future.

I agree with all you wise ladies.....I think I just had an attack of the weather blues.

I have got my Plex back up so have a whole load of films and good tv programmes to watch. I have also made a point of recording films for just in case Plex plays up again. I have a stack of books to read. I am fortunate really. I have a nice comfortable home, my boys are well and happily settled.

Spring is just round the corner.....;)

Moving house has been wonderful for me. It was all I needed and more. I wish I had taken more time to think when I moved from the family home, but now, all's well that ends well. I think for some of us moving makes a huge difference, for others stating in the family home is the right thing. Either choice is valid and one we must make alone. My own experience is, take time to decide what's right for you, when you find a home make sure it suits YOU. I listened far to much to my children and made a huge mistake. This move I listened to me and it has mage such a difference. Hugs.

Torry_Quine

I'm having an awful weekend. Can't stop crying and I feel abandoned.

White_musk

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm having an awful weekend. Can't stop crying and I feel abandoned.

Sweetheart (((hugs))) I wish there was something I could do or say. I'm not going to offer platitudes, they don't really help. I'm here if you want to talk.

Torry_Quine

It feels so meaningless, nothing matters anymore. Have done nothing, there's no point

White_musk

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It feels so meaningless, nothing matters anymore. Have done nothing, there's no point

Torry, at the moment you are going through the rawest most primal grief there is. Nothing makes sense, life feels lost, all you have known has changed out of all recognition. It's not surprising you feel this way, not one bit. You need time to adjust to what is. I know from my own experience it takes time, it takes tears and it takes anger. Anger that you are in the situation you're in and that's it is not of your choosing or making. Of course it isn't your husbands fault either but a time will come as you progress through your grief you will feel angry towards him for leaving you. It is that anger that will pull you through. I regret to this day and probably will forever one day feeling so angry at my husband I picked up an ornament with much sentimental value and threw it. It smashed to smithereens and I cried buckets over my situation, the loss of the ornament and being so fed up with everything. That was MY turning point. By channelling the anger I still felt into other things it helped me begin the process of rebuilding my life. Hugs.

Tabbytabitha

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It feels so meaningless, nothing matters anymore. Have done nothing, there's no point

It's Easter Sunday tomorrow - I find the idea of resurrection a great help - I hope you will.:)

Torry_Quine

I've been angry with him since day one and then feel guilty for being angry. I punch anything within reach and have even been swearing which is just not me.

I would do anything to have him back.

White_musk

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I've been angry with him since day one and then feel guilty for being angry. I punch anything within reach and have even been swearing which is just not me.

I would do anything to have him back.

Anger is a normal part of grief. When you feel angry go and do something. For example, change the bed linen but punch the mattress and pillows while you are doing it. Shout out loud how angry you are and storm around the house (I had a duster in hand) and would yell things like "SEE ALL THIS DUST I HAVE TO CLEAN ALL BY MYSELF". It meant I could get bits and bobs done *while* dealing with the anger and grief. It's all about moving forward in small manageable steps while using (never hiding) our emotions.

Make sure you eat, maybe it would help to make something your husband didn't like that you can have now or something he did like to give you comfort?

Torry_Quine

I get what your saying but cleaning etc just isn't going to happen and hasn't for some time. My energy is limited at the best of time and my bed hasn't been slept in since I lost him.

Have managed to have some soup and bread though. He did all the cooking, hoovering etc so I'm totally lost.