Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Elona_2

White Musk

Enjoy the new hair do and I am glad you are taking care of yourself. I am glad you have moved back to the village and enjoy the though of you being snug on a sofa by the fire.

I mentioned to older dd that I had a tummy upset on Wednesday and she reminded me that I should be defrosting meat in the fridge, putting cooked meats promptly ion the fridge etc. I felt so guilty I have just washed down the fridge in soapy hot bleach water and put the removable shelves in the dishwasher.

Someone has just come to pick up the old china cabinet and will pick up the cross trainer on Tuesday so that will clear things up a bit.

Hugs to all

White_musk

Thank you Elona.

We really do have to be so careful with raw meat. My daughter saw I had mine on the top shelf of the fridge and told me off, they are now on the bottom shelf.

When I moved from the family home I downsized and had to get rid of so much. I did sneak quite a bit into the shed as I couldn't part with it. When I moved into this house I lost yet another bedroom (only have one now) and the shed. I had to part with loads of stuff this time. I do think that and going to see our family home is what caused the days and days of tears. My head tells me I hadn't used the stuff all the time it was in the shed, my heart says it was part of our family home. I now look around and things are different but lots are the same. If my lovely hubby could walk into this house he would recognise it, I take comfort from that.

The Easter bank holiday is difficult, I know shops and suchlike are open but for some reason I feel a bit hemmed in today and not sure why. I've got dinner cooking in the oven but with a small house and just me I'm bored. House is spotless, cupboards full and all I can do is pace. On days like today hubby would have rattled the car keys and we would have gone somewhere for the day. I miss him.

Elona_2

White musk

I can't get myself motivated today either. I had intended to tidy my bedroom etc but ended up just making a lamb stew, waiting in for a couple of parcel deliveries and browsing on my laptop.

I am sure your husband would still feel it was "home" as you are at the heart of it and have been so brave getting rid of things.

My fridge now gleams!!! The stew has been put in a covered bowl on the bottom of the fridge and once I go shopping tomorrow I will make sure raw meat is at the bottom and food is put away in a sensible order with room for cool air to circulate.

I see older dd and sil on Monday as they are coming over for a late breakfast and catch up before they go out to do a bit of shopping for diy projects. Not sure if middle dd and bf are popping in on Sunday and Youngest is spending weekend with her BF.

Tempted by the idea of just putting my feet up and reading a book with lots of hot drinks and aromatherapy burner on. Desperate to see some sunshine and blue sky as it cheers me up but the small daffodils are out at the front of the house and look very Spring like.


I thought of going to the cinema but there is nothing I fancy so will enjoy my book and just relax.

Hugs to all

lessonlearned

Glad it is not just me then. I am another one who is just bored, fed up and who cannot get any motivation to do anything. I did go food shopping and my neighbour popped in for coffee but that is as far as it goes.

I keep telling myself it is just the weather and that my spirits will lift soon but I am afraid everything does seem rather pointless these days. I am not depressed or suicidal or anything but life just seems so grey without him. I just cannot be bothered with anything.

Is this really all there is........

White_musk

lessonlearned wrote: »

Glad it is not just me then. I am another one who is just bored, fed up and who cannot get any motivation to do anything. I did go food shopping and my neighbour popped in for coffee but that is as far as it goes.

I keep telling myself it is just the weather and that my spirits will lift soon but I am afraid everything does seem rather pointless these days. I am not depressed or suicidal or anything but life just seems so grey without him. I just cannot be bothered with anything.

Is this really all there is........

NO! Life does go on, it's never the same but it does go on. Please, please don't think this is it - it isn't. I know it's so easy to think that there is no life ahead as a widow, but there can be. We are not the same woman we were and we have to get used to our new normal and it's horrible, it's unfair and it's unjust. The old cliche about time is true. (((hugs)))

I don't know about being brave throwing things away, I had no choice. I kept so much in the old shed but the truth was I didn't have room, I hadn't laid eyes on it while it was in the shed and I don't need it. We all know sentimentality runs through our entire lives and some things are non negotiable when having to decide what to keep. In the end I had an idea of how I wanted this house to look so took the bull by the horns. It did make me grieve all over again but I'm out the other side now (I think).

Well, today has been decidedly meh! No interest in anything, no concentration, no mojo - nothing! I think I've learned something though. If I feel this way then go out even if it's just for a browse around the shops. I tend to have lows at all celebratory times of the year so this is not really too unexpected. I think it's just the move, being back in the village, throwing out all I couldn't squeeze in and Easter on top. Roll on Tuesday.

Hugs.

lessonlearned

I know there is a life out there.....And I do intend to live it. I am ok really, just a bit lacking in the old joire de vie at the moment.

Like you say things like bank holidays just seem to rub salt in the wounds but I shall make a point of going out each day over the holiday and I have found some interesting things to watch on the tv that I recorded earlier. I shall be fine.

Elona_2

LL

I have been watching some things I recorded as well and did not realise how late it was.

Going out for a food shop tomorrow and will kick myself into gear!!!

I think the fact that Spring is late and the weather is grey does not help.

Hugs to all

poppy811

Hi
Got to agree with you all, wet weather and fairly empty Bank Holiday is a bit soul destroying. I have just made a Lentil loaf and when it is cooked I will head off to my Knit and Natter group and then change my books at the library.
Hugs to all and if we can Happy Easter.

[Deleted User]

Its a blessing to have 8 and 10 year old grandchildren stay for 2 days, made me resolve never to moan about peace and quiet and being on my own. I took them back on thursday and cleaned up yesterday. I was a bit listless in the evening though, such a wet and dreary day. I watched two half films, could not settle to either, so went to bed at 9 and read, nice and cosy. Put my bedside radio on after that and vaguely remember listening to womans hour late at night. I could not do without my radio at night, sometimes have it on so I can barely hear it and it always sends me to sleep. The radio does not have any light and I just push a button on top, it is on charge right now. One of my good purchases when I wanted company in bed

https://www.johnlewis.com/roberts-revival-mini-dab-fm-digital-radio/p1695862

I do feel like an explore in my car, around potential house areas but I think I need to wait for a better day as there are many moors around here and bogginess on the verges. Ditches will also be overtopping

It is the weather LL, not just affecting widows but many other people, stuck in whatever situation. It is hard to separate weather moodiness from the basic self, it is natural to want spring and still feel the need to hunker down. I need and want to move on wrt my house buying but I cannot make that perfect home appear. It will happen when it happens. I cannot do any more house prep for moving, except to do a bit of kondo now and then

I have skipped a social occasion this weekend, not family or good friends, acquaintances gathering but I get `sick` of people saying `how are you doing?` they mean well but I am not going to go back to the small talk that happened so often over the working years. I would really rather find things to do at home. Time enough for chit chat but I want to be settled first, I will not feel settled until I have moved and then will join the likes of U3A to make my new life and my new friends

lessonlearned

Sounds like you have got it pretty sussed Kitty. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book and either buy a new house or make this one more like home rather than a staging post. At the moment it still feels temporary. I know it is only a stepping stone but I can finish it and make it mine even if I know I need to sell within the near future.

I agree with all you wise ladies.....I think I just had an attack of the weather blues.

I have got my Plex back up so have a whole load of films and good tv programmes to watch. I have also made a point of recording films for just in case Plex plays up again. I have a stack of books to read. I am fortunate really. I have a nice comfortable home, my boys are well and happily settled.

Spring is just round the corner.....;)