Working for family

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

Polly I never said I disbelieve everything people post online.
There are two things going on here.....
Should the OP and partner pay/make a significant contribution?
For me and a very few others yes, for you the OP and many others no.
That is a point we all agree to disagree on.
Because of the justification of either viewpoints logic is where the debate goes then.......

You may not have said you disbelieve everything that people post on here but you did say - specifically on this thread:

DUTR wrote: »

I hear what you are saying, however my experience of this and many other forums is that often the OP's post only the parts they want you to hear to steer the responses they wish to read.
It is always somebody else's fault.

That is insinuating that the OP has not been honest in her posts to elicit the responses she wants.
I do not get that from the OP's posts.
I guess you do.

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

You may not have said you disbelieve everything that people post on here but you did say - specifically on this thread:


That is insinuating that the OP has not been honest in her posts to elicit the responses she wants.
I do not get that from the OP's posts.
I guess you do.

Polly look into my posts as you wish (just as I have looked into other's posts as I wish) having a public bicker isn't helping the thread now.
So you can take it to Pm if you wish, but my viewpoint on the topic hasn't changed they should pay or make a significant contribution IMO, what the OP and their partner ultimately choose to do is up to them, personally I don't think it's very nice to have that sort of work done for little or nothing unless the worker refused any payment, but that's just me and obviously your mileage varies on that, I don't dislike you or hate you for having an alternative view on the matter.

Kim_kim

samtoby wrote: »

My father in law was a builder by trade before retiring in 2012.

He has been doing a lot of odd jobs for us and helped my husband fit our kitchen this year. He has laid flooring, put up shelves and generally been handy if my husband needed any help, we have our own business which we have recently started - and we have three children so when help has been offered we have said 'thank you' and accepted.

We were aware there were some things he had paid for such as bolts and wood to do some of these tasks and he had said he has the invoices and we have received them today.

Alongside this, is a bill, itemised, of all the hours he has worked doing things for us with a charge at £10 an hour - although he said he could have charged more, and a request we pay this in cash and not from the business where he will have to declare it.

There was no discussion about paying him at any time, although we did buy him a very expensive gift for Christmas as a thank you for everything he had done and we take him and OH's Mum out quite often for meals when work has been done to say 'thank you' so it has not gone unappreciated by us.

I am really stunned as I never thought in a million years he would charge us - as my husband has done a lot for him over the years and if he wants help for his home which he shares with OH's mother - my husband has just done it - and not billed him for it! My Mum does things for us all the time, and she doesn't bill us!

I realise we have to pay it - I don't feel we have any choice - but would you expect to be billed by your own parents for help they offered you?

If the work was done in your private home, why would you pay him or anyone via your business?

chesky

DUTR wrote: »

I can't answer a situation that you have posed as my own personal circumstance wouldn't position me to have asked my mother to babysit for me.
If someone was babysitting for me in the past I wouldn't expect them to do it for free irrespective of who they are family or not.

.

Blimey, I must remember to bill my daughter next time she wants me to babysit my granddaughter when she goes to the cinema.

mattpaint

Pay him what he asks but in small notes and make sure you pay it in front of your mother-in-law, and then never let either of them 'help' you with anything you need.

DUTR

chesky wrote: »

Blimey, I must remember to bill my daughter next time she wants me to babysit my granddaughter when she goes to the cinema.

And your point is?

Marvel1

chesky wrote: »

Blimey, I must remember to bill my daughter next time she wants me to babysit my granddaughter when she goes to the cinema.

Could be onto something, I may do that also when I offer to take my nephews out for the day, get paid for spending time with them :rotfl:

chesky

DUTR wrote: »

And your point is?

And my point was that I was taking your stance on this to its logical conclusion, i e. that you would expect to pay any family member for doing anything for you, including babysitting.

I can’t imagine this dynamic in my own family. My son is staying with me next weekend and he said on the phone ‘and whilst I’m there, I’ll cut down that honeysuckle which is out of control’. Would I expect to pay him for this? No. But then, I suppose it would be balanced by the b & b.

And THAT’S my point too - family members kind of take turns in doing things for each other.

As a larger point too though, the whole thread has probably become pointless, since the OP seems to be less than interested in returning to it.

moneyistooshorttomention

Well even good friends take turns in doing things for each other.

Most recently - a friend of mine/her hubbie put together a garden table and chairs and took up some curtains for me. I pass on things to them that I don't want - but know they do. We both check out information for each other.

That's how it goes even between friends - so surely all the more so with family?

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

Polly look into my posts as you wish (just as I have looked into other's posts as I wish) having a public bicker isn't helping the thread now.
So you can take it to Pm if you wish,

"Take it to Pm"?
Really?
Is that what you do when someone disagrees with you on a public forum?
I say what I say on the open forum.
I have no interest in debating anything with you in private and if you PM me, I will ignore it.

DUTR wrote: »

but my viewpoint on the topic hasn't changed they should pay or make a significant contribution IMO, what the OP and their partner ultimately choose to do is up to them, personally I don't think it's very nice to have that sort of work done for little or nothing unless the worker refused any payment, but that's just me and obviously your mileage varies on that, I don't dislike you or hate you for having an alternative view on the matter.

I think you need to get some perspective on things.
"dislike"?
"hate"?
You don't even know me. I find it quite disturbing that you could even make that comment.
I simply have an alternative opinion to you.

I really think this 'discussion' came about because you posted (in several posts) about the expectation of work being done for free and I pointed out that the FIL offered.

We are clearly not going to agree on this.
The one thing we do agree on, however, is that further discussion is pointless until/unless the OP comes back to the thread.