Working for family

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

I agree we should have info and the other party's agreement.
As to my mind the FIL may have offered and agreed payment which the other half failed to mention to the OP until bill time.

If that's the case, why would the OP post this?:

samtoby wrote: »

No disagreements at all. No indication it was coming.

If he felt we had hit the ‘limit’ surely he shouldn’t have offered his ‘help’ because it’s not help in a family sense if your paying for it?

My husband is going round today to discuss it - I fear that the result on that might be irreversible.

and this:

samtoby wrote: »

There was no discussion about paying him at any time

It doesn't sound like the FIL agreed payment with either party until he produced his bill.

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

If that's the case, why would the OP post this?:


and this:


It doesn't sound like the FIL agreed payment with either party until he produced his bill.

I hear what you are saying, however my experience of this and many other forums is that often the OP's post only the parts they want you to hear to steer the responses they wish to read.
It is always somebody else's fault.

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

I hear what you are saying, however my experience of this and many other forums is that often the OP's post only the parts they want you to hear to steer the responses they wish to read.
It is always somebody else's fault.

I prefer to believe what the OP has posted - more than once (i.e. that payment for the FIL's services was never discussed between FIL and OP or FIL and OP's OH or FIL and OP & OH together) - rather than take a massive leap and fabricate something to fit in with your posts that discuss 'expectation' of free work for services rendered to the OP & her OH by the FIL.

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

I prefer to believe what the OP has posted - more than once (i.e. that payment for the FIL's services was never discussed between FIL and OP or FIL and OP's OH or FIL and OP & OH together) - rather than take a massive leap and fabricate something to fit in with your posts that discuss 'expectation' of free work for services rendered to the OP & her OH by the FIL.

Yep, we are all entitled to believe what we wish :cool:
In the case of this episode of the thread it can only end up with long term negative feelings for either or all parties.

starting_again_in_the_sun

How many hours did your FIL work? The materials you've mentioned probably weren't particularly expensive so how much of the £1000+ is labour?

Personally, I would always offer payment even though it would probably be declined. I would never accept a family member doing a big job ( more than a days work) without some kind of payment.

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

Yep, we are all entitled to believe what we wish :cool:
In the case of this episode of the thread it can only end up with long term negative feelings for either or all parties.

WOW!
You must be really cynical if you disbelieve everything that people post on-line.

I don't believe everything that people post on-line but in this instance there is absolutely nothing to indicate that the OP is not telling the truth when she says:

samtoby wrote: »

There was no discussion about paying him at any time

For you to believe otherwise means you are saying the OP is lying.
Not a nice thing to say at all under the circumstances.
But carry on if it makes you feel better about posters disagreeing with you.

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

WOW!
You must be really cynical if you disbelieve everything that people post on-line.

I don't believe everything that people post on-line but in this instance there is absolutely nothing to indicate that the OP is not telling the truth when she says:


For you to believe otherwise means you are saying the OP is lying.
Not a nice thing to say at all under the circumstances.
But carry on if it makes you feel better about posters disagreeing with you.

Polly I never said I disbelieve everything people post online.
There are two things going on here.....
Should the OP and partner pay/make a significant contribution?
For me and a very few others yes, for you the OP and many others no.
That is a point we all agree to disagree on.
Because of the justification of either viewpoints logic is where the debate goes then.......

Marvel1

cjdavies wrote: »

Should they deduct the labour costs from the meals and Xmas gift bought as a thank you?

Should they pay in cash a requested to avoid tax?

chesky wrote: »

Would you pay your mother for babysitting if she’d been a professional nursery school assistant before retiring? What’s the difference?

No reply to these yet DUTR

DUTR

cjdavies wrote: »

No reply to these yet DUTR

What do you want me to reply?
I can't answer a situation that you have posed as my own personal circumstance wouldn't position me to have asked my mother to babysit for me.
If someone was babysitting for me in the past I wouldn't expect them to do it for free irrespective of who they are family or not.

As for gifts? Gifts and tokens of gesture are just that, if I went out and bought you a drink or meal it doesn't mean I am expecting you to reciprocate at some point in the future.
I hope that clarifies things for you whether you agree or not.

jennyo

Is this odd behaviour totally out of character for your FIL, or has he done other strange things?

Could he be facing financial difficulty?


It does seem a weird situation, especially after a long period of time he's been "helping".


Hope you can resolve it amicably.