Working for family

DUTR

chesky wrote: »

And my point was that I was taking your stance on this to its logical conclusion, i e. that you would expect to pay any family member for doing anything for you, including babysitting.

I can’t imagine this dynamic in my own family. My son is staying with me next weekend and he said on the phone ‘and whilst I’m there, I’ll cut down that honeysuckle which is out of control’. Would I expect to pay him for this? No. But then, I suppose it would be balanced by the b & b.

And THAT’S my point too - family members kind of take turns in doing things for each other.

As a larger point too though, the whole thread has probably become pointless, since the OP seems to be less than interested in returning to it.

The point to the logical conclusion would be to charge your children's partner. Perhaps you can't imagine it in your own family and that is good, I know in my family one member who has a property had rented it out to another family member who in turn had their property rented out (different locations) however the said family member was always falling behind on the rent yet going on out of Europe holidays, yet saw no wrong in that although they would ensure their own rent was collected (basically taking the P) , Me, I'm due a new kitchen worktop, my brother has a jig and has offered to do the work for free, I have declined unless he is taking a fair rate for doing so, whether he wants to donate the funds to charity or family that would be up to him.

I do agree with you all that people whether family members or not can take turns in doing things for each other, but when there is a strong imbalance and one party is too often on the take..... (and often it is the ones on the take that do the complaining).

Yes it would be nice if the OP updated the thread irrespective of which direction they take on the matter.

ScarletRibbons

If we had received payment for everything we'd done for our grown up family, we would be living in luxury now!!

Also, when we were a young couple in our first house, DH's dad did all kinds of stuff for us.

Be very careful in future, if he's going to charge you for everything.

DUTR

ScarletRibbons wrote: »

If we had received payment for everything we'd done for our grown up family, we would be living in luxury now!!

Also, when we were a young couple in our first house, DH's dad did all kinds of stuff for us.

Be very careful in future, if he's going to charge you for everything.

Indeed, for big jobs don't treat family less so than you would treat a stranger.

chesky

DUTR wrote: »

Indeed, for big jobs don't treat family less so than you would treat a stranger.

But the point is they should let you know from the start that they will be charging you for their time. Then you can decide whether you can afford it and whether or not to go ahead. This didnt happen.

thorsoak

samtoby - can you let us know how your OH's talk with FiL panned out?

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

"Take it to Pm"?
Really?
Is that what you do when someone disagrees with you on a public forum?
I say what I say on the open forum.
I have no interest in debating anything with you in private and if you PM me, I will ignore it.


I think you need to get some perspective on things.
"dislike"?
"hate"?
You don't even know me. I find it quite disturbing that you could even make that comment.
I simply have an alternative opinion to you.

I really think this 'discussion' came about because you posted (in several posts) about the expectation of work being done for free and I pointed out that the FIL offered.

We are clearly not going to agree on this.
The one thing we do agree on, however, is that further discussion is pointless until/unless the OP comes back to the thread.

It's not me that has an issue , you have constantly moaned about my posts, taking it down to a personal level, yes we do not agree on the overall subject matter, it doesn't mean I think I am right and you are wrong or vice versa, you have added lib to what I have typed over my view on the topic. but yes let's put it to rest now, hopefully the OP will return to the thread.

Starrystarrynight1

OP, has your husband spoken to his dad yet? If yes, what was the outcome?

sheramber

It doesn't look like the OP wants to update the thread or continue the discussion

jackyann

I suspect that whatever the outcome, Op feels that any update might identify her, or invade the privacy of her family. she may also be put off by the recent posts.
I'm sure for most of us, the issue is not about payment - different families do thing.s differently - but the lack of clarity over a long period.

Nicki

jackyann wrote: »

I suspect that whatever the outcome, Op feels that any update might identify her, or invade the privacy of her family. she may also be put off by the recent posts.
I'm sure for most of us, the issue is not about payment - different families do thing.s differently - but the lack of clarity over a long period.

To be fair not everyone logs on every day and the OP actually hasn't looked at the forum since the day she made her first post so she's not actively avoiding an update