Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

annandale

Surely the debt is the first thing that they need to tackle if its stopping them from spending time with their kids. Cab, or welfare rights, or their MP could give advice surely.

As for whether you take the kids or not, its your decision, but I wouldn't be making that decision based on input from strangers on an internet forum.

pollyanna_26

Mooloo I'm not sure whether us putting out thoughts here is helpful or not .
Reading your last post really points to the fact gf and your son will continue as usual . If I could wish one thing for you right now it would be space and time away from everything to process everything and think everything through without any thing or anyone else around .


That's impossible to do . There's your grandaughter , mum and Biggest soon to give birth .


As I said a while back my middle daughter works in child safeguarding . I still feel fostering at the moment is the best option for the little ones for now . I have friends that fostered and some who went on to adopt .


GF and your son do not seem to be engaging in any manner that holds out hope for the future . You mentioned a while back that dgd is no longer a little girl but becoming a young lady .
As someone who raised three daughter's I still recall the adolescent years and mood swings etc .


You have enough to do . For those suggesting Biggest should take the boys she already has her own busy life and it isn't fair to add to the load .


What stands out to me is the fact that DGD is aware of children who needed to leave the family . I understand why she is aware but she also needs to be aware that isn't the norm otherwise the cycle continues .


It's hard Mooloo but really think hard on this , the same situation could happen again and as you're the one who sorts things you will be the safety net for the rest of your days , exhausted , broken and the dreams that kept you going nothing but dusty memories .


Take care , hope your mum is a lot better .
polly x

beanielou

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Mooloo I'm not sure whether us putting out thoughts here is helpful or not .
Reading your last post really points to the fact gf and your son will continue as usual . If I could wish one thing for you right now it would be space and time away from everything to process everything and think everything through without any thing or anyone else around .


That's impossible to do . There's your grandaughter , mum and Biggest soon to give birth .


As I said a while back my middle daughter works in child safeguarding . I still feel fostering at the moment is the best option for the little ones for now . I have friends that fostered and some who went on to adopt .


GF and your son do not seem to be engaging in any manner that holds out hope for the future . You mentioned a while back that dgd is no longer a little girl but becoming a young lady .
As someone who raised three daughter's I still recall the adolescent years and mood swings etc .


You have enough to do . For those suggesting Biggest should take the boys she already has her own busy life and it isn't fair to add to the load .


What stands out to me is the fact that DGD is aware of children who needed to leave the family . I understand why she is aware but she also needs to be aware that isn't the norm otherwise the cycle continues .


It's hard Mooloo but really think hard on this , the same situation could happen again and as you're the one who sorts things you will be the safety net for the rest of your days , exhausted , broken and the dreams that kept you going nothing but dusty memories .


Take care , hope your mum is a lot better .
polly x

This, this.

marliepanda

When all I said and done children are a responsibility, not a right.

Your son and his girlfriend do not deserve their children. To only come and see them for 2 hours, blaming work and sleep needs is irresponsible and neglectful. If they lived at home with them what would they do... oh, thats why they were removed... See, they have not learned.

With the best intentions this is the third child who has had children removed. Your children seem to think it is their right to have children but when the responsibility element kicks in, they think you will bail them out. This has become normal for them. Its not fair on you and its not fair on the children.

At the end of the day you have to draw a line somewhere, and that was after you took on the parental role for your first grandchild. No grandparent should have to do that and certainly not multiple times for multiple children.

People need to learn these lessons, and sometimes they need to learn it the hard way. Taking on the boys will mean your son can still have his children but none of the responsibility that goes with it. Why not have another?! They can go stay with granny when we are tired of looking after them...

Savvy_sewing

I don't think they think. That is the problem.
Twins were a different ball game completely. They tried and fought the system but lost because of their learning disabilities.
DS May have dislexia but he doesn't have any other differences except life choices.
I feel as if I am on the defensive end of a battle.
My fault for telling my life. But actually I don't need anyone to tell me what they are like. I am not blinkered or stupid.
I am quite intelligent, articulate, and well aware that they choose to be the way they are.

My dilemma is my heart and head not the parents.
My son can do a flying fig for all I care. He lost his way by choice. As a family Biggest and I have done all we can to try and get him to see sense.

I will defend him if I think he is being unfairly treated but I am well aware that he is no angel and I just know she is mentally insecure, but I cannot do anything about the parents life choices.
The dilemma is that of my life choices.
I may have to keep the boys longer, after talking to Biggest tonight, although she is the carer. So they may have to go back to her.
I don't know what exactly is happening tomorrow now. But I will cope with it for a few days. Just not for ever.

I think I have already decided I cannot do it full time for ever.
I looked at a few Portugal properties to remind me of my dreams.
Let's hope tomorrow the assigned worker contacts the right people and the creases are ironed out.

pollyanna_26

I hope dgd and the littlies are settled for the night , baby will no doubt need your attention in the next few hours though .
Unless things have changed since , Biggest and then yourself have been feeding and providing the things needed to care for the baby and his brother .
That isn't a fair situation to be in . You are already losing earnings and Biggest is facing the costs of a new addition to her family . I'm not sure how these things work but if the parents still aren't using the benefits to help towards their keep and no help is forthcoming from SS something is wrong .
I agree the past is done and there isn't anything constructive to come from others going over it . You and Biggest are dealing with now and I hope tomorrow something begins to move along on the part of the assigned worker towards sorting things out .
Even though the mum has refused to sign the form surely everything can't be left in limbo .


Try to get some sleep albeit with one ear open . It wont be proper rest but every little helps as they say . I hope Biggest is managing some sleep in the hot weather . My two eldest were both early August babies and I can still remember tossing and turning in the weeks before they were born .
polly x

Savvy_sewing

Relationships with the gf are not going well. Biggest is struggling and then last night when I had just gone to sleep the gf rang up to rant about the fact that they were not asked to sign any forms etc and that she's had Biggest on at her while she was at work, and she didn't appreciate it. I snapped at her as she sat in my garden and told me she had refused the forms. She is either a very bad liar or delusional. I am afraid to say I told her that we didn't much care about her, and we were the ones left feeding her baby in the middle of the night.
I can't remember the time I did the night feed, I was so tired I fell asleep with him in my arms in my bed, and woke at 2.40 when the lad woke. I put him back in his cot and he slept until 4.50.
We have been up since then. I had hoped for another hour but it was not happening and the lad woke at 5.30.
I am just going to give the lad a bath as the baby has finally fallen asleep. I need to wake Dgd who was woken in the night and she will be grumpy.
I have to get babymilk, ordinary milk and nappies today. That will be fun logistics wise. There is no nursery until Wednesday. I need to get to the shop and sort out my Seamstress as she is not confident on her own.
I also need to do her wages.
I hope that social worker is on the ball today.

pollyanna_26

As Biggest is the one who can contact SS she should phone them today and tell them what has happened with GF and how you and her are left to try to manage as best you can .


The last thing anyone needs is disturbed sleep . You have a busy day ahead and at this rate pain and exhaustion will flatten you . Who wakes a pregnant woman to rant over the phone .


I hope dgd isn't too grumpy and the school run goes ok . Maybe with disturbed sleep gd will begin to realise the drawbacks of having the little ones 24/7 .


Wishing you strength and patience for the day ahead . Just hope Biggest can get some sense out of SS .


polly x

pollyanna_26

Sorry painkillers hadn't kicked in and I misread your previous post . It is still unacceptable for gf to contact you or anyone else at night to have a rant . She really can't stick to one version of the facts and seems to be making things up as she goes along



Hope something happens today to bring more clarity and a plan ahead for all .


polly x

Savvy_sewing

Bit of fun,
My tarot card today said this :-
SELF: You are called upon to be a loving master of emotional integrity.
The Queen of Cups is the archetype of loving kindness, someone imbued with a strong concern for the well being of others. This is a good thing to develop and practice. At the same time, make sure you don't get carried away and lose track of what is healthy and sensible for yourself. Like a mother, the Queen of Cups is accepting and nurturing, with a natural capacity for bonding. The vulnerability of openness and empathy are important qualities sorely lacking in today's world. Learn to develop these capacities in yourself, but avoid codependency. Love is ultimately about dissolving boundaries, but not at your personal expense. Feelings of emptiness will do you no good. Know your boundaries and make sure you are not being taken advantage of or relied upon too heavily. Express loving kindness, but don't let an intense concern for the welfare of others compromise your own well being."

Kind of apt.