Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Savvy_sewing

Actually other child Twin2 is actually the first person who asked me to keep them in the family.

Chrystal

Mooloo, my friend was in a similar position to you years ago. She took on 2 GC and went through hell bringing them up. She now has 2 VERY young Great GC to bring up as the situation repeated itself. She is 73 years old and the SS have given her full custody!

Please think very carefully about what you are doing. Getting caught up in the emotion of the moment is not good, and other people telling you to take them on shouldn't be listened to under any circumstances. It's not their life that will be ruined, but yours, while they all trot off and have the lives they want.
YOU deserve the life that you've dreamt of for years and you've worked like a dog to try to achieve it. Whats needed now is a VERY COOL HEAD with the emotions switched off, and being able to look ahead 15 to 20 years, because that is what you are talking about, and they won't be easy years as you get older.
As an aside, having seen it firsthand, and looking ahead, I don't think it's fair for children to be brought up by someone so much older, it's not fair on them and not fair on you as you realise you can't do the things that they need from a parent.

I'm not writing this to upset, but please think of this from all aspects. ((hugs)) X

Slinky

Mooloo please don't allow pressure from your DGD to take on responsibility for these children. How many kids pester their parents for a pet, only to lose interest in a few weeks and it's the parents who end up looking after them. This is the same sort of pester pressure your DGD is putting on you now. A few days may be manageable. The next 18 years+ will not be.

surveyqueenuk

So will Twin 2 or DGD be able to contribute financially to their upkeep then?

Will Twin 2 or DGD be able to babysit while you go out to work? Or when your hands are too painful?

Will Twin 2 or DGD be able to secure funding for you?

Will Twin 2 or DGD be able to help share the load of caring for two extra children?

Will Twin 2 or DGD be able to step in when DS's third child eventually arrives? (which it will...)

JIL

I rarely post but just wanted to say what you do for all your children and grandchildren is truly fabulous. I really don't know how I would cope in your shoes. The emotional heartache must be awful.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this, some counselling perhaps. I feel you need to start thinking of what is best for you, once you can sort that out, everything else will fall into place. At the moment you seem to be plate spinning and not taking enough care of yourself.

Hope you don't mind me putting in my twopenneth.

Artytarty

Agreed, what about Portugal?, you've been aiming for that for so long.
It's the dream that keeps you going at times.

Cairn

Oh dear. I think most of us would feel the same as Mooloo, I definitely would especially if I!!!8217;ve already experienced the heartache of losing previous grandchildren.

so I have no words, just a hand hold.

Cairn

Will SS provide emotional support?

Has DS made any moves or improvements to try and get them back? Could SS support them to be parents?

Mind you, I guess the family has already considered all of this.

Savvy_sewing

All valid points.
Head over heart would help but heart seems to be talking to head and my internal struggle continues.
Mind you I agree that I am not getting any younger, and it will be impossible to work and care for the boys on my own. It is just one long round of feeds and nappy changes at the moment. Although my arm is holding up better than I expected. I am tired because the baby is waking up every 3 to 4 hours and 5am seems to be the one where he doesn't want to go straight to sleep again. The hour between 5 and 6 is my weak moment of the day, when I would like to go back to sleep.
Just as I manage to get him to sleep around 7 the lad wakes up.
Although I expect him to wake earlier today as he fell asleep before 6 last night, having missed any sleep during the day because we were at the carnival.
Dgd went for a sleep over last night and actually had managed to stay out. Usually I get a call telling me she wants to come home by about 10pm
Mind you I went to bed at 9.30 when the baby went to sleep. He woke around 1am.

I think that I will have to let the boys go to a foster family on Tuesday and then chat about access etc to them under grandparents rights, etc
I will ask questions before I completely rule things out.
My dreams would be gone. My business would probably have to go. So I would be back to relying on funding.
Head tells me this is why I shouldn't have them.
The age issues in the future would obviously have to be considered, but only if I was left holding the kids on my own for ever. If it is only short term until the parents get help then it might be different.
The Social don't help the parents as far as I can read they tell them to get a lawyer and that is it. They don't seem to refer them to adult social help , rehab, parenting classes etc? Home start or anything else, which I am finding shocking.
I always thought the services were supposed to help the families but our experience here is currently not that.

Savvy_sewing

Artytarty wrote: »

Agreed, what about Portugal?, you've been aiming for that for so long.
It's the dream that keeps you going at times.

Yes it's definitely the dream that keeps me going, and would be the hardest thing for me to give up. Although at the moment I feel kind of selfish thinking of what I want rather than what may be needed for the children etc.
I certainly am torn in to several pieces at the moment.
I am very tired this morning and with no option but to just get on with it.
I have no busy agenda today and can stay home. Only the agendas of the babies anyway.
As predicted the lad woke as I was settling down for a rest about 6.30. I think I managed to shut my eyes for 10 minutes.
What I would really like is a soak in the bath! Perhaps I will get one if DS and his gf come to see the boys this afternoon.
They asked what time they could come over and I said anytime but baring in mind she is at work at 3pm
The reply was it would be early afternoon because she was working until 2am last night.
Nice to know she will get her 8 Plus hours sleep and I am surviving on less than 6.