Parenting an adult child

*Robin*

I hope the young man is back at home today, and his Mum had an uneventful drive to and from the airport pick-up.

Life Lessons certainly do not stop the moment a young person turns eighteen. In this case, I hope his family are able to explain to him that while he hopefully has seventy years in front of him in which to make his own mistakes and gratify his desires, this particular New Year is all about ensuring his Grandpa has the best time possible!

motivated

I had similar issues with DD a few years back. She met ‘the love of her life’. I knew from the off that he wasn’t right for her. I explained my feelings to her but she was adamant he was ‘the one’. I told her I would give him the benefit of the doubt and support her but would always be here if and when she needed me.

I was there many a time picking up the pieces when he treated her badly (not physically). 3 years down the line she finally woke up, dumped him and has never looked back. Of course I was there picking up the pieces again and now she really has met ‘the one’. I love him and he is so right for her.

Sorry for the ramble I just wanted to say as a parent you have to let them find out for themselves and always let them know you will be there. The more you tell them not to do something they will dig their heels in.

I hope all works out for you and your son, I really do

Good luck
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Ms_Chocaholic

Hope he made it back.

onomatopoeia99

ska_lover wrote: »

It seems there is a general consensus that at the stroke of midnight on a persons 18th birthday, any parental support is withdrawn, even if the person is immature or vulnerable and does not have the life experience to see things as they are

No, you have completely misunderstood. There should be an understanding from the parent that begins long before the child's 18th birthday that the relationship is turning from one of control and interference, to one of support and advice. That process should begin years before the 18th birthday, because it should be complete when the child turns 18 (or sooner, if they marry).

Flying out to Norway to check up on an adult child's choice of girlfriend is not support, it's interference and attempting to exert control and if the child has half a brain will be seen as such, which could fatally damage the relationship with the parent. They are attempting to spread their wings as an adult and people have advised the parent to try and clip them.

badmemory

Perhaps a couple of minutes looking at this from her & her parents point of view. They have a 17 yo who has problems. She comes in contact with an 18 yo & the problems seem to diminish. As a parent what would you want to do, my guess is encourage the friendship & hope & pray that it worked to "cure" her problems? He is prepared to finance your son for a while, in the desperate hope that it will help his daughter.

The father has seen that it is necessary for your son to come home regarding his grandfather, so he obviously seems to have some respect for family (including your family) interests.

Your son is most probably going to go back, so why not just make sure that he buys a ticket that enables him to come home at any time. All he would need to do is get to the airport!

oystercatcher

Just to point out also that the Gf could possibly be seriously ill. People do die from eating disorders and there is always a suicide risk with mental health issues. Although she is young the gf's family may also be fearing for her life. We really don't know much about her condition at all.

I hope OP's son returned safely and they have a happy family day though.

martinthebandit

I think the thread title pretty much gives the problem away.

Kit1

motivated wrote: »

I had similar issues with DD a few years back. She met ‘the love of her life’. I knew from the off that he wasn’t right for her. I explained my feelings to her but she was adamant he was ‘the one’. I told her I would give him the benefit of the doubt and support her but would always be here if and when she needed me.

I was there many a time picking up the pieces when he treated her badly (not physically). 3 years down the line she finally woke up, dumped him and has never looked back. Of course I was there picking up the pieces again and now she really has met ‘the one’. I love him and he is so right for her.

Sorry for the ramble I just wanted to say as a parent you have to let them find out for themselves and always let them know you will be there. The more you tell them not to do something they will dig their heels in.

I hope all works out for you and your son, I really do

Good luck
X

I am so glad your DD came back to you and pray that one day our DD will also come back to us.

Just after she turned 18 she walked out to live with the love of her life and his wonderful mother. He is a controller but our DD could not see this she just thought the sun shown out of his whole being. It didn't matter what we said we were always wrong. We tried so hard to like him but he just turned her against us anyway saying we said horrible things to him, which we never but it is our word against his and he will always be right. That was almost 5 years ago and l doubt anything will change. She dumped all her friends too and all they would say was they didn't like him or trust him.

Maybe one day.

thorsoak

As parents it is hard to learn that our job in their lives is to give them roots and wings. You have given him roots, now you must let him try his wings.

motivated

Kit1 wrote: »

I am so glad your DD came back to you and pray that one day our DD will also come back to us.

Just after she turned 18 she walked out to live with the love of her life and his wonderful mother. He is a controller but our DD could not see this she just thought the sun shown out of his whole being. It didn't matter what we said we were always wrong. We tried so hard to like him but he just turned her against us anyway saying we said horrible things to him, which we never but it is our word against his and he will always be right. That was almost 5 years ago and l doubt anything will change. She dumped all her friends too and all they would say was they didn't like him or trust him.

Maybe one day.

Oh Kit I feel for you. God willing she will see the light and come back to the people who truly love her and want the best for her
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