help re baby sleep (merged)

MadMonkey

Hi - I have a 15 month old who wakes 1-2 times a night for juice. He has never slept through the night.

We always kept saying he was too young for CC and now wish we had done it when he was about your little ones age;)

We are now about to implement CC at Febrary half term - we need to do it in school hols so the older two are not tired at school.

My little girl was the same and CC worked in 3 nights. We were referred to a sleep clinic via the HV and they talked us through it. You basically go in and do not make eye contact or look at them or talk and lie them down and walk off. For the first 1/2 hour you then return every 5 minutes, then every 10 minutes for the second half hour, every 15 minutes e.t.c.

This took 3 nights and then we had full nights sleep. I would be doing CC now if it was not for my older two.

Whatever you decide to do I have total sympathy with you - after 15 months of broken sleep I am feeling rough to say the least !!

Our HV basically said that giving milk / juice / dummy / cuddles e.t.c were just props and babies need to learn to sleep without props and the only way they can do this is to learn this is by you allowing the to work it out for themselves.

Rachie_B

[quote=Welshlassie;7991711He's too young to try controlled crying and that would just disturb my husband who has to get up for work.

.[/quote]

now is the ideal time ! and it will be worth a week of unbroken sleep ,in the long run ?

definitely advise giving it a go but be consistant

also try and put him down awake,sitting by his cot stroking him if need be,so he knows you are there ,but no chat / eye contact

he is waking probably half out of habit, and half because he cannot settle himself down once awake

Krystaltips

I can't condone controlled crying, to me it's like depriving your child of love... I know you're not but the small screaming baby doesn't know that and at this age their brain is making all the neural connections that are going to take them through the rest of their life...

My daughter is nearly four, only started really sleeping through six months ago and still sometimes wakes to come in for a cuddle. I can remember the nights when she was waking every 2 hours and taking an hour to settle but barely... I had a mantra I used to say to myself 'in the grand scheme of things, this is 5 mins' and it really was.

Eventually children learn to settle themselves the same as they learn to use the toilet or stop breast feeding on their own... you don't see many 15yo's needing mom to settle them back to sleep. I know it feels like it's never going to end at the moment but it does, and as a woman your body is designed to withstand a while of broken sleep. (It's when they've been sleeping through a while and then have a bad night that it really hits you!) Is there any way you could get an early night when your working and get your oh to give the last bottle so you at least feel like you've had a good chunk of sleep?

Well done for still breastfeeding this long too! :T

Rachie_B

Krystaltips wrote: »

I can't condone controlled crying, to me it's like depriving your child of love... I know you're not but the small screaming baby doesn't know that and at this age their brain is making all the neural connections that are going to take them through the rest of their life...

My daughter is nearly four, only started really sleeping through six months ago and still sometimes wakes to come in for a cuddle. I can remember the nights when she was waking every 2 hours and taking an hour to settle but barely... I had a mantra I used to say to myself 'in the grand scheme of things, this is 5 mins' and it really was.

Eventually children learn to settle themselves the same as they learn to use the toilet or stop breast feeding on their own... you don't see many 15yo's needing mom to settle them back to sleep. I know it feels like it's never going to end at the moment but it does, and as a woman your body is designed to withstand a while of broken sleep. (It's when they've been sleeping through a while and then have a bad night that it really hits you!) Is there any way you could get an early night when your working and get your oh to give the last bottle so you at least feel like you've had a good chunk of sleep?

Well done for still breastfeeding this long too! :T

:eek: but TBH when you have a job to get up for / other children to look after

you really cannot ( well i can't) survive on such little / broken sleep

IMO ( as a nanny and a mum!) it's best to do it while they are younger ,else it gets harder and harder

and you then have a toddler who doesnt / hasnt ever slept through the night!

its important for parents to have "me" time in the evenings i think,and you dont get this is baby is awake every few hours, and doesnt know HOW to settle himself / sleep through without parents company / assistance

CC doesnt work for everyone,and of course its not depriving of love

if it feels that way ,then try doing a gradual withdrawal technique,sitting right by the cot / bed a first

then the next night a bit further away from the bed........

then few nights later by the door .......... then the landing ........

until eventually you are not in the room while baby / child settles himself / goes to sleep

it takes longer than CC most of the time,but is a bit "kinder" if you cant cope with the CC technique

its the whole "cruel to be kind" thing,and doesnt ( in most cases ,IF STUCK TO ) take very long

Good luck OP whatever you decide

x

SammyD_2

Rachie_B wrote: »

:eek: its the whole "cruel to be kind" thing,and doesnt ( in most cases ,IF STUCK TO ) take very long

x

Kind to who? I know very well what it is like to work a job with horrendous demands, a husband on shift work and a sleepless baby. I never did controlled crying because I do not believe it is right to ignore your baby's crys for you. Baby, toddler or teenager, surely if your little one is saying they need you then you should be there?

To the OP - you will of course decide what is right for you...but don't EVER believe that most babies are capable of sleeping through at 5 months - or 12 months, or 18 months...it sounds like you are doing everything right to encourage your baby to sleep through, but you cannot "force" baby to sleep through. The only practical suggestion I have is try sleeping with your baby in your bed - I found this meant both mine slept better and even when they woke I found I could sort of comfort them in a half awake state...

As other posters have said, your 15 year old won't be like this...the day will come when your baby will sleep through.

cobbingstones

Hi

Could I strongly recommend The Baby Whisperer book by Tracy Hogg. It is utterly fantastic. Also Gina Ford's baby sleep book. Get them from your library and see which one suits you best. Having a baby and no sleep is extremely difficult, so do something about it now before the baby gets older.
Whatever practice you decide to do, you must keep with it to the book, otherwise your baby will become very confused, and to me that would be the worst bit.

Best of luck to you

MM

Karensteps

I agree, the baby whisperer is fantastic. I did the Pick up/put down routine and it worked brilliantly. It's not cruel, babies need a proper sleeping routine, my daughter is 20months now, and since 6months has been sleeping through the night ( I admit she has a dummy but if it soothes her then hey ho) I couldn't cope if she was still waking throughout the night ALL the time, I reccomend you start now as it is A LOT harder when they are older.

Jo_R_2

It might not happen. Not all babies can sleep through at that age, some do from being very small, then some don't even when they're three/four/five etc!

In my own personal experience, DD1 woke in the night for a feed up until 11/12 months, then stopped when she went in her own room. DD2 was here and there, cut down night waking towards six months, then went the other way and was waking three/four times a night at eight months - and yes I was knackered!

I don't believe in controlled crying or cry-it-out. I find the thought of leaving my baby crying until I can go in again awful, and what does that teach them? To me it's saying that mummy/daddy isn't there when you need them. It must be awful for a young child who doesn't understand. Plus there has been research into what happens in a child's brain when they cry, and how leaving a baby to cry for periods can damage the neurons - I can dig out a reference for you if you want.

Can I ask - why isn't daddy getting up to help? It sounds like you are doing it all yourself? What about sharing the load? Then some nights you can sleep, and others he can. You can nominate who will be on 'duty' for a particular night.

And also, I don't know if you've thought of this, but that's a heck of a lot of food for a five month old, could it be that he maybe gets tummyache in the night? Could the formula be perpetuating it if he's not used to it? The enzymes needed for a baby to properly digest food aren't present in a bay's stomach until six months so it's definitely something to think about.

I hope you come to a solution you are all happy with - and get dad on board!

Amanda65

Welshlassie wrote: »

He then has a bottle (about 5oz) at 11pm, until 2 days ago this was expressed milk, but in preparation for me going back to work and to try and get him to sleep through I have given him formula. He takes this asleep and goes back down with no problems.

Just a thought, but why do you give him this bottle if he is asleep? You may be disturbing his sleeping pattern and perhaps he waits four hours later as he is just expecting to be woken agian then?

Apart from that it would seem you are doing everything right - not much help I know but true

BernadetteN

I think you just need to find something that works for you, try and relax and not try and rush your baby into something it really doesn't want to do. I find the idea of controlled crying and separating from a baby from mum in a cot and expecting them to just soothe themselves to sleep a very strange concept, but if you can get it to work and it makes you relax, then that's your way of doing things.

Our 4 kids have NEVER slept through the night until they stopped breastfeeding, which has varied from 18 months to 2 1/2 years and still going. I've give all but the last one a bit of a push and stopped the feeding and the sleeping through the night has just followed a few weeks later. It gave us loads of sleep and we've managed shift working around it.

I must admit the feeding routine did delay going back to work at 6 months with our first born and I'm really glad I took off 12 months instead. I felt mush more relaxed at 12 months than 6.

PS just to show what differences in ideas people have, I cannot think of any worse "experts" than Tracy Hogg (abandoned own children) or Gina Ford (didn't look too good on recent Ch4? programmes).