Parents want to meet boyfriend

Kirstie_

So my parents have said because me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for a good while and I've been staying over.

My mum and dad want to meet my boyfriend, My boyfriend says its fine we can go out and they can stay over. I say I can cook.

I'm worried because my mum on numerous occasions has said that she is worried because I'm a coeliac that I am not eating properly (I am) when I stay at my boyfriends, She is worried because he lives in Manchester (In a suburb) its not a safe area and when my boyfriend works away that I'm at risk. She also has some other thoughts that are incorrect and I'm worried she will be vocal and upset my boyfriend.

Should I speak to my mum beforehand? Or just prewarn my boyfriend?

TBagpuss

Talk to your boyfriend.

Discuss with him how your mum may react and how you would like to address it (e.g. both of you simply saying to her that you are happy / not concerned about the locality / looking after your health / not interested in discussing those issues.

And consider having an exit strategy. At what point, if your mum is offensive to your boyfriend, will you and he leave?

If you are worried that she will be offensive then consider meeting away from your home so you don't have to tolerate inappropriate behaviour.

You can also speak to your mum ahead of time. Be clear - let her know that she has made comments about your partner in the past, that she is mistaken in her assumptions and that you expect her to respect you and your boyfriend.

Where is your dad in all this? You refer to 'parents'.

DUTR

Kirstie_ wrote: »

So my parents have said because me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for a good while and I've been staying over.

My mum and dad want to meet my boyfriend, My boyfriend says its fine we can go out and they can stay over. I say I can cook.

I'm worried because my mum on numerous occasions has said that she is worried because I'm a coeliac that I am not eating properly (I am) when I stay at my boyfriends, She is worried because he lives in Manchester (In a suburb) its not a safe area and when my boyfriend works away that I'm at risk. She also has some other thoughts that are incorrect and I'm worried she will be vocal and upset my boyfriend.

Should I speak to my mum beforehand? Or just prewarn my boyfriend?

Speak to your Mum, she can't control the rest of your life!
She may appear to have best intentions, but it can later turn out to be interferring, yes pre warn your BF.

Kirstie_

My dad just wants peace and quiet.

I was thinking of taking my boyfriend up on the offer, we meet away from home and when she starts getting personal we can just go. I haven't really thought of an "exit strategy"

My mum still think the things she does, because once I come home and missed breakfast and lunch she thought he wasn't feeding me, I just got up late and missed lunch! So in her mind theres an issue.

Dolly_Rocker_2

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking

Kirstie_

26 but she is very protective

lika_86

Maybe get your parents to meet you at his place so they can reassure themselves the area is nice then go out for lunch on neutral ground, make clear in advance a time by which you have to leave (so it doesn't drag on).

I think most parents' worry comes from the unknown and what they imagine, if you reassure them it's all fine then hopefully it will put their mind at rest. As for your boyfriend, if he's a nice guy he'll take it all in his stride, whatever your mum might say. Although the fact that you're worried about it suggests that you should tell him to take anything with a pinch of salt.

Mojisola

Kirstie_ wrote: »

So my parents have said because me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for a good while and I've been staying over.

My mum and dad want to meet my boyfriend, My boyfriend says its fine we can go out and they can stay over. I say I can cook.

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I was thinking of taking my boyfriend up on the offer, we meet away from home and when she starts getting personal we can just go.

I would definitely chose neutral ground for the first meeting.

If it goes well, perhaps you and your BF could visit your parents (so that you can leave if things get uncomfortable).

If that visit is okay, invite them round to your BF's place.

trailingspouse

I would do nothing.

I spent 20+ years trying to stand between my OH and my mother (who could be quite abrasive). I could never relax.

If I had my time over again, I would let them sort it out between themselves - let her be abrasive, let him take offense and tell her what for. They're both grown ups.

And whatever she says, stay calm and tell her everything is OK. Calm repetition is the way to go. Or make a joke of it if you can ('Mum still thinks I'm 6, but that was a while ago...).

Some parents know when to let go, some need to be told when it's time to **** off.

Poor_Single_lady

Sounds normal to me for parents to want to meet your boyfriend and your mum worries when you skip meals.

Nothing bad about that.

If you live with your parents but staying at your boyfriends it's only natural they would want to meet him. If they have never laid eyes on him then they dont have very much to go on so she will easily jump to conclusions that might not be correct.
Sounds completely normal and reasonable to me.

Kirstie_

Mojisola wrote: »

I would definitely chose neutral ground for the first meeting.

If it goes well, perhaps you and your BF could visit your parents (so that you can leave if things get uncomfortable).

If that visit is okay, invite them round to your BF's place.

This sounds like a really good idea, Similar to what my boyfriend suggested.

trailingspouse wrote: »

I would do nothing.

I spent 20+ years trying to stand between my OH and my mother (who could be quite abrasive). I could never relax.

If I had my time over again, I would let them sort it out between themselves - let her be abrasive, let him take offense and tell her what for. They're both grown ups.

And whatever she says, stay calm and tell her everything is OK. Calm repetition is the way to go. Or make a joke of it if you can ('Mum still thinks I'm 6, but that was a while ago...).

Some parents know when to let go, some need to be told when it's time to **** off.

My boyfriend doesn't want the conflict, He is the sort of guy who will be nice to anyone, I'm worried my mum will just make things very difficult for him, make him think I'm some one who can't look after themselves.

It worries me that she will scare him away.

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sounds normal to me for parents to want to meet your boyfriend and your mum worries when you skip meals.

Nothing bad about that.

If you live with your parents but staying at your boyfriends it's only natural they would want to meet him. If they have never laid eyes on him then they dont have very much to go on so she will easily jump to conclusions that might not be correct.
Sounds completely normal and reasonable to me.

I get this, My dad has spoken with him several times, Once at a sporting event I was taking part in they were happily speaking and getting along