Non-funeral funeral

sheramber

nightofjoy wrote: »

Hi.

After I'm gone I want there to be as little in the way of ceremony as possible. Is it possible after my death and any legal elements have been taken care of, that my body is taken and cremated & disposed of with no fuss in an unmarked grave, or not even a grave, just dumped somewhere are environmentally sound as possible, composted, used for plants etc.


After I check out I basically want to go from the hospital or wherever they find me to just disappearing with no involvement from family or friends, no gathering of any kind, and certainly no religious contribution.

How do I go about this? When I google it, I just get loads of results from companies offering 'fair-price' or 'humanist' funerals.

I basically want a council funeral with no grave.

Thanks.

If you are cremated there is no body left , just some ash. So no need for an unmarked grave.

Unless a request for the ashes to be returned is made then they are just scattered randomly by the crematorium staff.
At our local crematorium they were scattered on the rose gardens.

You should have a will to say what happens to your estate when you die and you would state in the your wishes about your funeral. It would be up to your executor/s to carry these wishes out.

Mojisola

sheramber wrote: »

You should have a will to say what happens to your estate when you die and you would state in the your wishes about your funeral.

It would be up to your executor/s to carry these wishes out.

It's best to have your funeral wishes kept in several places and make sure the people most likely to arrange your funeral know what you would like.

A will isn't always looked at until after the funeral is over.

esuhl

peachyprice wrote: »

No, but it will to other people who know that he doesn't want to be cremated. It's really not very nice when a family member cares enough to express a wish and those in charge go against that once they're dead.

But why would the dead person's wishes take precedence over everyone else's feelings when it makes no difference to them whatsoever?

I can understand how the living might have superstitious preferences that might make them happier with a burial or cremation, or whatever. I don't know how you'd settle the different beliefs amongst all the family-members and loved-ones. But they're the ones who have to live with the decision as to what is to be done with the body; not the dead person.

When each of my parents died, we had a simple ceremony, and a big party afterwards, where we passed around photos, played their favourite music, everyone brought food, and we talked about all the good times. That kind of celebration of life has to be more important than the inconsequential matter of what to do with a corpse.

esuhl

sheramber wrote: »

If you are cremated there is no body left , just some ash. So no need for an unmarked grave.

Unless a request for the ashes to be returned is made then they are just scattered randomly by the crematorium staff.
At our local crematorium they were scattered on the rose gardens.

Yes. The ashes are available some time after the cremation, and then you have a certain amount of time to collect them or the crematorium will either scatter them or charge storage fees.

From memory, I think the ashes were available a weeks or so after the cremation, and we had maybe six months to decide what to do with them.

The "standard" option is to return some time after the cremation to scatter the ashes. The crematorium I used had a small arboretum and rose garden in which you could scatter ashes, as I did. There were discreet markers dividing the arboretum/garden into squares, so you could scatter the ashes in a particular square, and return to the spot later if you wished.

I like the idea that my parents "live on" physically, as the atoms that made them up drift into the atmosphere around us, and are taken up as the building blocks of plants, air, and whatever. And they also live on through the memes that everyone around them had been part of.

Yorkshireman99

peachyprice wrote: »

No, but it will to other people who know that he doesn't want to be cremated. It's really not very nice when a family member cares enough to express a wish and those in charge go against that once they're dead.

Very much so. The wishes of the deceased are paramount. If the friends and relatives wish to have a memorial service or other kind of gathering then that is fine after the deceased's wishes have been honoured.

Tom99

Just set out what you want to happen in your will and make sure your next of kin know all about it.

Mojisola

esuhl wrote: »

From memory, I think the ashes were available a weeks or so after the cremation, and we had maybe six months to decide what to do with them.

Once you've collected the ashes, there's no time limit on what you do with them.

I kept Mum at home until Dad died and then we scattered the ashes together in a place they loved visiting.

pollypenny

Malthusian wrote: »

I was wondering more why it's so important to pollypenny and their children. I find burial a bit weird but I struggle to imagine how it could be "upsetting", especially to children, unless they've been watching too many zombie films.

Our children are adults now!

It's the thought of the slow rotting process which we find revolting.

DS is an EHO and in his early days he would be the one landed with attending exhumations. There is a surprising number of them.

poppystar

esuhl wrote: »

But why would the dead person's wishes take precedence over everyone else's feelings when it makes no difference to them whatsoever?

The funeral is also there for people to "pay their last respects". What is more respectful than ensuring the wishes of the deceased are carried out.

It may make no difference after someone is dead but it may make a big difference to someone while they are alive or dying to know that they will be respected. Especially so for those who do not have the classic 'loved ones' and may not feel that they have been respected in life.

peachyprice

esuhl wrote: »

But why would the dead person's wishes take precedence over everyone else's feelings when it makes no difference to them whatsoever?

I can understand how the living might have superstitious preferences that might make them happier with a burial or cremation, or whatever. I don't know how you'd settle the different beliefs amongst all the family-members and loved-ones. But they're the ones who have to live with the decision as to what is to be done with the body; not the dead person.

When each of my parents died, we had a simple ceremony, and a big party afterwards, where we passed around photos, played their favourite music, everyone brought food, and we talked about all the good times. That kind of celebration of life has to be more important than the inconsequential matter of what to do with a corpse.

It's not about the person wishes once they're dead, it's about those left behind.

OK, say you had a strong preference (not everybody does, some don't give a damn), say you wanted to be cremated, say all your nearest and dearest knew that was your wish, say your brother was arranging the funeral and took it upon himself to book a burial, how do you think that would make the rest of your family who knew that is not what you wanted feel?

Having had a family member who so wanted to be buried that they bought their own burial plot only to have the person in charge cremate them I can tell you, it's very distressing. It's the ultimate act of disrespect towards both the deceased and the living family members.