Non-funeral funeral

nightofjoy

Hi.

After I'm gone I want there to be as little in the way of ceremony as possible. Is it possible after my death and any legal elements have been taken care of, that my body is taken and cremated & disposed of with no fuss in an unmarked grave, or not even a grave, just dumped somewhere are environmentally sound as possible, composted, used for plants etc.


After I check out I basically want to go from the hospital or wherever they find me to just disappearing with no involvement from family or friends, no gathering of any kind, and certainly no religious contribution.

How do I go about this? When I google it, I just get loads of results from companies offering 'fair-price' or 'humanist' funerals.

I basically want a council funeral with no grave.

Thanks.

pphillips

You can specify your wishes as to your funeral arrangements in your will. The wording might be along the lines of
"I desire that at my death there shall be no ostentation or show of any kind, that there shall be no flowers and that mourning shall not be worn by my relatives and that no expense beyond what is absolutely necessary shall be incurred".
However, your personal representatives are not legally required to follow your wishes so if you want these to be carried out then you will need to choose your executor(s) carefully.

pimento

nightofjoy wrote: »

I basically want a council funeral with no grave.

Assume you're not expecting the council to pay for it.

PennyForThem_2

Can see where you are coming from. I have just immediate family i.e. 2 sons.

I don't foresee loads of friends - extreme introvert

I would contact (via phone?) funeral director and ask.... all they can say is no.

However if you do have a goodfriend(s)who might outlive you then funerals do not have to rely on FD.

Mojisola

nightofjoy wrote: »

After I'm gone I want there to be as little in the way of ceremony as possible.

Is it possible after my death and any legal elements have been taken care of, that my body is taken and cremated & disposed of with no fuss in an unmarked grave, or not even a grave, just dumped somewhere are environmentally sound as possible, composted, used for plants etc.

What you're talking about is called 'Direct Disposal' -
http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-disposal/

Your family and friends may want to have a memorial ceremony some time after the cremation or your executor may over-ride your wishes and arrange a more conventional cremation.

The ceremonies after a death are really part of the grieving process and can help the survivors to come to terms with the death.

nightofjoy

pimento wrote: »

Assume you're not expecting the council to pay for it.

No, absolutely not.

nightofjoy

Mojisola wrote: »

What you're talking about is called 'Direct Disposal' -
http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-disposal/

Your family and friends may want to have a memorial ceremony some time after the cremation or your executor may over-ride your wishes and arrange a more conventional cremation.

The ceremonies after a death are really part of the grieving process and can help the survivors to come to terms with the death.

Yeah, I know all that, but any living friends & relatives will know that these are my wishes and to organise anything afterwards would be pointless and in direct conflict with them....

ska_lover

nightofjoy wrote: »

I basically want to go from the hospital or wherever they find me to just disappearing with no involvement from family or friends, no gathering of any kind.

I respect your POV, however I think this will be a real shame for your family and friends who want to pay respects, but are prevented from doing so. It makes people around you feel they are very unimportant


A relative of mine has stated that she wanted similar to you, and many of the family couldn't help feeling sad at this choice, and after years of closeness, the family are just supposed to 'forget she ever existed' ..it really gives no consideration to those left behind. It is not normal, people don't just 'disappear' - those you love have to mourn, its unhealthy to pretend otherwise


Sorry if this sounds harsh OP, genuinely don't mean it to as it is a very personal decisions but I implore you to think about the people that you love and their feelings.. as to me, to not be allowed to mourn a family member seems very wrong

nightofjoy

ska_lover wrote: »

I respect your POV, however I think this will be a real shame for your family and friends who want to pay respects, but are prevented from doing so. It makes people around you feel they are very unimportant


A relative of mine has stated that she wanted similar to you, and many of the family couldn't help feeling sad at this choice, and after years of closeness, the family are just supposed to 'forget she ever existed' ..it really gives no consideration to those left behind. It is not normal, people don't just 'disappear' - those you love have to mourn, its unhealthy to pretend otherwise


Sorry if this sounds harsh OP, genuinely don't mean it to as it is a very personal decisions but I implore you to think about the people that you love and their feelings.. as to me, to not be allowed to mourn a family member seems very wrong

Yeah, none of that applies to my situation. I didn't ask fro that kind of advice, thank you. You clearly live in a world of close family and friends. I do not.

Mojisola

nightofjoy wrote: »

any living friends & relatives will know that these are my wishes and to organise anything afterwards would be pointless and in direct conflict with them....

It wouldn't be pointless for them if they felt they needed to mark your passing in some way. You won't be around and the needs of the living will be more important than your wishes - there's no way you can stop people having a commemorative gathering if that's what they want to do.

You could organise and prepay for a direct cremation.

Make sure that whoever is likely to be around when you die knows which funeral director to contact.

nightofjoy

Mojisola wrote: »

It wouldn't be pointless for them if they felt they needed to mark your passing in some way. You won't be around and the needs of the living will be more important than your wishes - there's no way you can stop people having a commemorative gathering if that's what they want to do.

You could organise and prepay for a direct cremation.

Make sure that whoever is likely to be around when you die knows which funeral director to contact.

They wouldn't. You can't assume every situation is the same. That's like saying someone who spent his entire life campaigning against the church and left strict instructions no church funeral be held, that his family and friends would organise exactly that after his passing. To do so would be in spite of everything he was about.

Anyway, I think i have the information I need, or a good place to start, thanks Moji