Not allowed on hen/stag parties.

Runningfast

I've not long come out of a relationship where my partner had similar insecurities to those you describe. I tried talking to her and thought we made progress, what actually happened was this,

She keeps her personal life and sees her friends when she wants including cancelling things you have arranged together to go out with her mates and guess what? because you don't have the same insecurities you will accept that at times plans do and will change etc. so you are happy for her to see her mate/s and drop her off and pick her up. You on the other hand, will have to play by other rules where it will be made clear that the rules she has just played by, described above, are not open to you and you doing something with your mates or without her just once per month is too much.

It is soul destroying. Really consider if this relationship is for you.

Malthusian

maman wrote: »

I agree with your points but what difference would there be if they were married?

If you're married then all your money is an asset of the marriage, and half of what you're spending on the stag do is your wife's money.

That doesn't mean that a married couple can't take holidays without their spouse, but there should be a healthy amount of give and take involved.

This is a philosophical point as the problem in the OP's case seems to be trust rather than money.

DoubleDoors

Maybe she doesn't want you tied to a lamppost with your pants around your ankles.
Or any of the other 'hilarious' antics drunken stags and hens get up to.

If it were me I'd be glad of the excuse not to go

System

Why doesnt she want you to go? Just curious.

Pollycat

Judi wrote: »

Why doesnt she want you to go? Just curious.

Answered in post #7.

maman

Malthusian wrote: »

If you're married then all your money is an asset of the marriage, and half of what you're spending on the stag do is your wife's money.

That doesn't mean that a married couple can't take holidays without their spouse, but there should be a healthy amount of give and take involved.

This is a philosophical point as the problem in the OP's case seems to be trust rather than money.

That's true in most cases when it comes to splitting assets in a divorce.


But surely, in this day and age, people have their own money (spending money or call it what you will) within a marriage which they can choose to spend as they choose. I believe it would be wrong for either partner to seek to control the money in a marriage simply to get their own way. I've never subscribed to this 'one pot' idea and that's one of the reasons why.

mariposa687

If she doesn't trust you there is nothing you can do about it. If she has concerns she should be honest about what they are exactly. Nothing you can say will make it any better if she believes you will cheat on her.

As a female I'd be a bit uncomfortable about it but I would never say they weren't allowed to go. If someone is going to cheat they will do it eventually - sober or drunk. You're your own person and make your own decisions. It's like going out to the pub and everyone else is drinking when I'm not, I wouldn't start drinking just because my friends put pressure on me to do it. I would be livid if someone assumed I'd cheat whilst on a hen night because they didn't like my friends. It's insulting.

Malthusian

maman wrote: »

But surely, in this day and age, people have their own money (spending money or call it what you will) within a marriage which they can choose to spend as they choose.

Absolutely, but if one party is spending all the money (e.g. on trips abroad that the other spouse isn't invited on) then there's a problem.

heartbreak_star

Malthusian wrote: »

Absolutely, but if one party is spending all the money (e.g. on trips abroad that the other spouse isn't invited on) then there's a problem.

As long as they're only spending "their own money", no problem at all!

Have only skim-read - are we sure the OP isn't the one doing the stopping rather than the one being stopped?

HBS x

Pollycat

heartbreak_star wrote: »

As long as they're only spending "their own money", no problem at all!

Have only skim-read - are we sure the OP isn't the one doing the stopping rather than the one being stopped?

HBS x

I think it seems pretty clear from the first post:

frannyj543 wrote: »

How would you deal with partner who doesnt want you going on a hen/stag party of a close friend?

What if they said if you choose to go we are over?

Anyone any experience faces with this ultimatum and what did you do?