Not allowed on hen/stag parties.

NeilCr

iammumtoone wrote: »

And they would be valid concerns but would your reaction be to issue an ultimatum to say if they went that would be the end of the relationship or would you voice and explain your concerns getting your OH to understand the reasons behind you saying no.

Like balletshoes I can't image any situation where it is right to issue an ultimatum like that.

Sure

How about if it’s going to bankrupt you. I can see a situation where it might be the last straw. S(he) has overspent regularly and this could be the thing that tips you over the edge

I know it all sounds a bit OTT and I do, generally, agree with you and ballet shoes but these threads where what has actually happened is withheld under a general, dramatic question are open to interpretation. If the OP would give more detail then we might be able to do away with sweeping generalisations

DUTR

ognum wrote: »

OP, sit down with your partner and ask WHY. Until you know the reasoning and he has listened to you then you won't know what your decision is.

I may have missed it, the opening post said hen/stag, there was no indication of gender, however as I read it, it is a male posting and his partner does not want him going and the partner is female, don't know if that colours the answers given so far.

clairec79

iammumtoone wrote: »

And they would be valid concerns but would your reaction be to issue an ultimatum to say if they went that would be the end of the relationship or would you voice and explain your concerns getting your OH to understand the reasons behind you saying no.

Like balletshoes I can't image any situation where it is right to issue an ultimatum like that.

Actually if they were to deliberately put us into almost £5,000 of debt without a thought for a weekend away or any reason* to be honest I'd be querying the relationship

*if it was buying a car or something to show for it that would be different but I'd be expecting to discuss it - if they are spend that much money that we didn't have without a second thought it would be the end of the relationship

Spendless

iammumtoone wrote: »

And they would be valid concerns but would your reaction be to issue an ultimatum to say if they went that would be the end of the relationship or would you voice and explain your concerns getting your OH to understand the reasons behind you saying no.

Like balletshoes I can't image any situation where it is right to issue an ultimatum like that.

If we'd had conversations time and time again about our financial situation that was being ignored, then possibly.

My initial reaction was to say ignore and go, then I had a think about times in my marriage that I wouldn't want DH to go and vise versa, which would include us going through financially tough times, him having been away for either work/pleasure when the kids were little, me left holding the fort and then him wanting to go as soon as he came back or from my husband's pov, when he was waiting to go into hospital for an op for serious illness, I could see he wouldn't want me going - not because he objected to the hen/stag party but it was a time in his life he was feeling paticularly low and vunerable and wanted me around.

I'm also wondering what 'partner' in this case refers to? A boy/girlfriend of so many dates or a long term (living together as) spouse?

clairec79

To the OP
first I would ask why

Depending on their reason would depend on if I would go.

If there reason was a genuine we can't afford it - I'd weigh it up (and if they were right wouldn't go - if I felt I could afford it I'd go)
If it was along the lines of 'that weekend is my sisters wedding and we said we'd go - then I'd see that as a double booking and wouldn't go
If it was 'I wanted to go fishing that weekend, nothing is booked and I could go any other weekend but I want to go then now you said you are going this weekend' - I'd be off regardless of the end of the relationship
If it was 'I don't trust you not to cheat' then I'd be pointing out if I was going to cheat I'd do it regardless and either he trusts me (so I'll go) or he doesn't (in which case the relationship is over) - exception would be made if I'd cheated on him previously when going on a hen weekend

Gloomendoom

WibblyGirly wrote: »

My partner is just coming back from a stag do. He's only told me a bit of whats happened and its all kinda insane :eek: That said, I trust him, I would never ask him not to go on a stag do. I think this one has put him off attending others anyway :rotfl:

That reminds me of a friend of mine who went on a stag do to Hamburg.

30 years later he still refuses to talk about it.

Barny1979

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That reminds me of a friend of mine who went on a stag do to Hamburg.

30 years later he still refuses to talk about it.

What happens in Hamburg, stays in Hamburg

annandale

No misbehaving previously.

Just lack of trust and doesn't like the thought of me away for a weekend drunk with all mates and what could come of that.

Which is nothing other than pub crawls and football.

Some hen and stag nights arent like that.

Ive known people to go on them and sleep with people, last fling type of thing.

I personally wouldn't be wary but I can see why some people might be.

I certainly wouldn't be saying to someone to pack their bags for feeling like they don't want someone to go

My friends cousin slept with someone on her hen night (I wasn't there), 3 kids later, her husband still doesn't know about it.

iammumtoone

NeilCr wrote: »

How about if it’s going to bankrupt you. I can see a situation where it might be the last straw. S(he) has overspent regularly and this could be the thing that tips you over the edge

Spendless wrote: »

If we'd had conversations time and time again about our financial situation that was being ignored, then possibly.

Both valid points. The OP does mention it is due to lack of trust but you are right in that there are always two sides to every story.

Pollycat

powerful_Rogue wrote: »

I'd start packing my bags.

I'd start packing his/her bags.