Not allowed on hen/stag parties.

pollypenny

A storm, which might not happen, in a hypothetical teacup!

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

A storm, which might not happen, in a hypothetical teacup!

It's beginning to feel like a MSE MMD.

leslieknope

i have had to mention to my OH that he can't go on one of these expensive long weekend abroad stag parties because he physically does not have the money and i'm certainly not giving it to him! so i can see some situations where they wouldn't want you to go. but if it is a lack of trust, then you need to have a serious discussion.

Pollycat

leslieknope wrote: »

i have had to mention to my OH that he can't go on one of these expensive long weekend abroad stag parties because he physically does not have the money and i'm certainly not giving it to him! so i can see some situations where they wouldn't want you to go. but if it is a lack of trust, then you need to have a serious discussion.

I'm surprised that he doesn't realise that himself without you having to tell him.

Marvel1

You got one life, it's your choice, enjoy it.

leslieknope

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm surprised that he doesn't realise that himself without you having to tell him.

he seems to forget about the spending money so thinks when they say "£300" that all he'll need is that £300. he's sodding awful at budgeting.:mad:

Pollycat

leslieknope wrote: »

he seems to forget about the spending money so thinks when they say "£300" that all he'll need is that £300. he's sodding awful at budgeting.:mad:

You have my sympathy.
I used to have one like that until it got too tiresome having to manage the purse strings and dole out spending money.
(the reality was that he had far worse faults than money management )

Malthusian

frannyj543 wrote: »

I would be using my own money, there's no children involved, we are both still young (under 30). But the problem is trust. I dont think she thinks when sober I would do anything but i think she thinks when I'm drunk and in the compmay of my friends who she doesn't really like I may do something.

Well the drink is neither here nor there, as alcohol lowers your inhibitions, it doesn't turn you into a different person. Meaning that if you don't trust someone when they're drunk, you don't trust them when they're sober either.

If the OP's girlfriend thinks he will shag around if let out of her sight for a few days then she has a serious trust issue (assuming her fears are irrational - if not then she has a boyfriend shagging around issue). And it will come up again whether he goes on a stag do or not. What if either of them need to go away for a few days on business, or because their parents are ill, or if she wants to go on a holiday with her girlfriends? A relationship where one partner can't let the other out of their sight for a few days is not in a healthy state.

(I am focusing on the trust issue because the OP's sentence "although there's never been an issue with other people or texts or nothing there's still that potential that shes afraid of" suggests it's purely about that and not the financial side. In any case they're not married - if the OP feels he has enough money to spend on a stag do, then as long as he's paying the rent and meeting any other joint financial commitments they share, it's not really her business to tell him how to spend his money.)

maman

Malthusian wrote: »

In any case they're not married - if the OP feels he has enough money to spend on a stag do, then as long as he's paying the rent and meeting any other joint financial commitments they share, it's not really her business to tell him how to spend his money.)

I agree with your points but what difference would there be if they were married? Personally I'd be more concerned if I'd married someone who suddenly came over all possessive/controlling/insecure when I didn't expect it than if we'd just met.


I do have sympathy with those posters who have experience of partners going on weekends away that they couldn't afford or behaving badly. I have noticed that they tend to be ex partners though!


OP, I think you're best to just make your point now. Tell your girlfriend that if such an occasion came up in the future you'd want to go and then leave it at that. If she keeps harping on about it despite reassurances then maybe you need to think whether she's the one for you.

DigForVictory

"not allowed"
"Me or"

in all honesty OP, I think you need a very clear chat with the lass about what she's nightmaring about. If she can be talked to about it.

If not I'd be making plans to up sticks, move on & enjoy that stag do as a celebration of "well done finding the right girl!".

Domestic abuse doesn't have to be a black eye on the woman.