Not allowed on hen/stag parties.

Marvel1

That's an easy choice to make, it's over.

Marvel1

LilElvis wrote: »

Agree to this and before you know it there will be a list of things you can't do - go out with friends, see relatives, wear "too much" make up, wear what he thinks are provocative clothes.

It's not normal, and certainly isn't healthy, to give someone you purport to love an ultimatum. Ask him what he is worried about and talk it through, but certainly don't give in to his unfounded paranoia.

Why are you assuming it's the bloke that's stopping it?

badmemory

It is really irrelevant who is wanting to go & who is wanting to prevent from going, male or female, unless there is an actual reason, such as previous "misbehaviour", shortage of money or whatever, then controlling behaviour like this is just the start of a very slippery slope. Take this from one who was prevented from attending a Tupperware party next door!

peachyprice

Why doesn't she want you to go? Did you cheat on her last time you went on a stag do? Did you come home with an STI which you gave to her? Will it mean spending the mortgage/rent money?

If none of the above I can't think of any justifiable reason she would have for refusing to let you go.

System

What are the reasons your not 'allowed'?

Fireflyaway

I've never been on one and probably never will, just not my sort of thing. My opinion though is what are the reasons behind your partner not wanting you to go? If there are deeper trust issues then that needs to be addressed.
If my partner wanted to go I'd probably laugh and question why you would spend so much money just to drink and act like a fool but I'd not stop him. Your partner is probably more likely to hook up with an ex or have an affair with someone at work than run off with someone on a stag do.
If your partner tells you don't go or its over, that's not right. You are an adult and that's controlling. Sure, express your concerns, make some compromises or do something to reassure but don't let yourself be order about or threatened with him leaving. He needs to deal with his own insecurities.

Pollycat

frannyj543 wrote: »

How would you deal with partner who doesnt want you going on a hen/stag party of a close friend?

What if they said if you choose to go we are over?

Anyone any experience faces with this ultimatum and what did you do?

Ultimatums in a relationship is never a good thing.
If your partner has given you this ultimatum I'd say you have bigger issues than simply going to a stag/hen party.

System

OP here.

I have never been in the situation before. I have been in my home town which is in a different area and yes lots of drink was taking, I spent only my own money however I did fall and cut my head. Nothing serious.

My girlfriend knows I'm the last one leaving the bar with my mates. So knows I'd stay out all night it possible. It's not because I'm looking anyone else it's just because as I seldom go out when I do I go to town.

I would be using my own money, there's no children involved, we are both still young (under 30). But the problem is trust. I dont think she thinks when sober I would do anything but i think she thinks when I'm drunk and in the compmay of my friends who she doesn't really like I may do something.

It isnt something that will happen in next 6-12 months but it was just when we had the discussion she was like no chance. Letting you go to Benidorm or Prague with your mates for 3 days none stop drinking and God knows what else.

It's down to trust and although there's never been an issue with other people or texts or nothing there's still that potential that shes afraid off.

We work in same place, live together and generally socialise together so there isn't ample opportunities if I wanted to do something not that I do. I just want to celebrate an event and go and blow of some steam with my mates in general that I only see once or twice a year.

AylesburyDuck

Tell them you dont negotiate with terrorists. If it's over, bullet dodged.

pearl123

frannyj543 wrote: »

OP here.

I have never been in the situation before. I have been in my home town which is in a different area and yes lots of drink was taking, I spent only my own money however I did fall and cut my head. Nothing serious.

My girlfriend knows I'm the last one leaving the bar with my mates. So knows I'd stay out all night it possible. It's not because I'm looking anyone else it's just because as I seldom go out when I do I go to town.

I would be using my own money, there's no children involved, we are both still young (under 30). But the problem is trust. I dont think she thinks when sober I would do anything but i think she thinks when I'm drunk and in the compmay of my friends who she doesn't really like I may do something.

It isnt something that will happen in next 6-12 months but it was just when we had the discussion she was like no chance. Letting you go to Benidorm or Prague with your mates for 3 days none stop drinking and God knows what else.

It's down to trust and although there's never been an issue with other people or texts or nothing there's still that potential that shes afraid off.

We work in same place, live together and generally socialise together so there isn't ample opportunities if I wanted to do something not that I do. I just want to celebrate an event and go and blow of some steam with my mates in general that I only see once or twice a year.

In my opinion you've got to grow up at some point. Yet, it seem still want to be one of the boys!
If my OH wanted to go around the local pubs for a stag do I wouldn't be too impressed but say ok.
If he wanted to go further afield I'd dump him. The truth is if you get up to any mischief it nearly always get back to your partner!