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can 'space' really help?
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I can imagine the hurt you felt having to pretty much admit publicly that it’s over but going public may, in a strange way, help reinforce the reality of it and make it a little easier to stop convincing yourself there’s still hope.
It’s a good thing that many of your friends are female. Valuable though male friends may be for you, at the moment I think women possibly have a little more empathy in these situations, which may be what you may find helpful until get yourself emotionally on your feet again.
Just hang onto the good things you DO still have - a stable roof over your head, family, a job, good friends. These are all things which help us hold ourselves together when times are hard and while in normal times we may take them for granted, to be without them would make life truly desolate.
this is very true, the new job i am starting in 2 weeks should also help draw a line under things for me (i hope), and the £3k a year pay rise along with roughly 30 min each way less travel time isnt going to hurt either haha.
also hoping that after christmas the roof over my head can become more stable as if my ex wife does sell the matrimonial house as i have been told, then i should be able to finally get a mortgage and buy my own home instead of renting
my friend from last night has also said about us going out on new years eve as well since her other half will have his son with him then and she wants to go dancing lolDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
So a number of positive things to look forward to - higher salary, less commuting (thus hopefully saving you even more money) and maybe at last the chance of a permanent roof over your head again.
Start up the "New Life" savings account to mark your new job and give yourself a financial objective to aim for. Every pound you don't spend on your girlfriend will be a pound towards your own bricks and mortar again. Turn your negative into a positive. (I know it's not as simple as that in real life but taking a different slant on it may help !)0 -
So a number of positive things to look forward to - higher salary, less commuting (thus hopefully saving you even more money) and maybe at last the chance of a permanent roof over your head again.
Start up the "New Life" savings account to mark your new job and give yourself a financial objective to aim for. Every pound you don't spend on your girlfriend will be a pound towards your own bricks and mortar again. Turn your negative into a positive. (I know it's not as simple as that in real life but taking a different slant on it may help !)
i know i have a hell of a lot more than some people, and a few positives will happen (all being well i will break £50k a year salary within a few more years, actually aiming for it before i hit 40) but yes it is still hard.
lol you say about the money spent on my girlfriend, and I can already see that i have a bit more money left over in the month than i used to, even with having joined the Gym, gone on a night out drinking too heavy, been ice skating a few times etcDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
holy crap, that was awkward, my girlfriends sister in law just came up to me, oh yes forgot to say earlier that i work with her sister in law, and asked me if i was going and taking my daughter to their family gathering in a week and a halfs time......Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
Seems she’s not confiding in her sister in law then which suggests she’s holding her cards very close to her chest.
Do you think there might be another chap on the horizon somewhere who she,s keeping very tight lipped about, waiting to see how things develop. It does at least sound as if her social/family life is carrying on despite the silence so yiu can only follow her example and do the same even if your heart’s not fully in it.
How did you weave your way out of that conversation?0 -
Seems she’s not confiding in her sister in law then which suggests she’s holding her cards very close to her chest.
Do you think there might be another chap on the horizon somewhere who she,s keeping very tight lipped about, waiting to see how things develop. It does at least sound as if her social/family life is carrying on despite the silence so yiu can only follow her example and do the same even if your heart’s not fully in it.
How did you weave your way out of that conversation?
i was 'mostly' honest and said no i doubt it as i hadnt heard about it.
and well its something which has been on my mind, however i dont think so, but then again i didnt see this situation coming so who knows, not much i can do about it if there is. but saying that, if there is, and i ever found out, at least it would be an explanation.Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
i was 'mostly' honest and said no i doubt it as i hadnt heard about it.
and well its something which has been on my mind, however i dont think so, but then again i didnt see this situation coming so who knows, not much i can do about it if there is. but saying that, if there is, and i ever found out, at least it would be an explanation.
Is your girlfriend the type to be honest about it, if there was someone else? Is there any history of her having affairs before?
Counselling is hard: really hard. If you engage properly, it can drag things out from anywhere and everywhere. It can generate guilt, anger, remorse, regret, all sorts of negative emotion that has to be worked through, and often with no clue as to how to do it. When my former partner was going through it, I asked a counsellor friend how I could help and support him; her response was 'Counselling is very selfish: space, time, no questions and no demands'. I think the first bout of counselling was six sessions, over 12 weeks. It was a very dark time, and so hard to watch him change from the bright, cheerful funny man, who was up for anything, and made me feel as though I was the luckiest woman in the world, to someone who barely acknowledged I existed.0 -
Is your girlfriend the type to be honest about it, if there was someone else? Is there any history of her having affairs before?
Counselling is hard: really hard. If you engage properly, it can drag things out from anywhere and everywhere. It can generate guilt, anger, remorse, regret, all sorts of negative emotion that has to be worked through, and often with no clue as to how to do it. When my former partner was going through it, I asked a counsellor friend how I could help and support him; her response was 'Counselling is very selfish: space, time, no questions and no demands'. I think the first bout of counselling was six sessions, over 12 weeks. It was a very dark time, and so hard to watch him change from the bright, cheerful funny man, who was up for anything, and made me feel as though I was the luckiest woman in the world, to someone who barely acknowledged I existed.
she has always prided herself on being honest, so i do not think she would have an affair, that being said, that was her old self, who she has turned into, i dont know, i still want to believe that its not that. but i just dont know.
well i know that feeling, its pretty much what i am facing at the moment, fine to talk to everyone else, but me, nothingDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
she has always prided herself on being honest, so i do not think she would have an affair, that being said, that was her old self, who she has turned into, i dont know, i still want to believe that its not that. but i just dont know.
well i know that feeling, its pretty much what i am facing at the moment, fine to talk to everyone else, but me, nothing
Or fine to put a front on with everyone else, but not you. At the time, I could see straight through my ex. He could appear to be the life and soul of the party; if you didn't know him really well, you would never have known what was going on. He even fooled his mum and dad. It was only when we got in the car, or got home that the mask slipped. That was the main reason that I thought there was someone else, it only seemed to be me that he had a problem with.0 -
Or fine to put a front on with everyone else, but not you. At the time, I could see straight through my ex. He could appear to be the life and soul of the party; if you didn't know him really well, you would never have known what was going on. He even fooled his mum and dad. It was only when we got in the car, or got home that the mask slipped. That was the main reason that I thought there was someone else, it only seemed to be me that he had a problem with.
thanks. very interesting potential insight.
maybe that's the problem. maybe not. really do not know gggggrrrrrrrrDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0
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