Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

DS1 is still away and my stepdad is busy today (selling my mum's car ) so I'm going to do laundry/ironing this morning and then go to a NT place with DH for a walk this afternoon. The sun is shining and hopefully I'll have a nice enough time to get me through the evening. I've been seeing my mum on a Sunday evening for over 25 years .

I've got plans for the week ahead. Pilates on Monday evening; aunt, uncle and stepdad around for dinner on Tuesday evening; food shop on Wednesday; nothing yet on Thursday; walk with stepdad and DS3 on Friday. Having plans in place makes feel better .

in_need_of_direction

Why not make Thursday a scheduled pamper time?

HairyHandofDartmoor

I'm not sure I'm very good at pampering INOD. I'm too impatient to have a bath (I shower for quickness) and I don't understand makeup (apart from mascara and powder which I look awful without).

If I feel low on Thursday I could maybe go into town and get DS3 some things for uni (if we can afford it, we have a couple of late payers atm . ). DS1 is helping a friend move flats that day so I can't drag him out for a walk. Maybe I can persuade DH he would like a lunchtime walk on Thursday.

DH is getting some exercise this afternoon anyway.

Seasidegal58

Hi Hairy - belated happy anniversary wishes! 32 years of marriage is a real achievement in these times and I wish you and your OH many happy and contented years to come.

I'm so pleased to read that you're catching up with old friends and arranging your Pilates sessions. Widening your social life will help you cope with your down days.

Your walks sound excellent - perhaps one day you can take a group of us for a lovely ramble on Exmoor- I know Cumbria would be up for it!

Have a peaceful evening and a good night's sleep.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you SSG. I do feel like seeing more people is the right thing to do. I was very dependant on my mum for comfort and company.

DH and I had a lovely walk at the NT place this afternoon. It was lovely and sunny with a gentle breeze. There were some beautiful flowers and walks along dappled paths. We had a coffee sitting outside and it was very peaceful.

I felt sad that my mum wasn't alive on such a beautiful day, and that I couldn't show her my photos and tell her about my day. But it was nice to spent some quality time with just DH and me on our own. Life is full of happy and sad moments, sometimes occurring at the exact same time.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I felt upset when I got back because my stepdad rang and cancelled our walk next Friday. He is busy every day next week with his voluntary work or seeing old colleagues. I suggested to DS3 that he might like to still go for a walk with me and DS1 instead, but he said it would feel weird without my stepdad and he'd rather wait until half term or something.

I feel very disappointed because I wanted to have another whole day in the company of DS3 before he goes away to uni, now I'm going to miss out on that quality time with him.

I must be feeling a bit fragile because I was having a good day before that and now I feel tearful. My mum would never have prioritised voluntary work over her grandson. It's yet another thing that has changed for the worse since my mum died.

Am I being unreasonable?

redofromstart

Its difficult isn't it. Perhaps he feels that he needs to be careful to not be too dependent on you.

Could you do something completely different with DS3 rather than something he associates with his grandparents?

HairyHandofDartmoor

I could ask DS3 but I don't know if he would want to. Not sure what activity to suggest.

I think DS3 was going for a walk with my stepdad because he feels sorry for him (and I was tagging along). He probably doesn't realise how upset I am about my mum. I know I don't live alone so I am better off than my stepdad.

Sun_Addict

I suppose that's the difference when it's not their blood relative. Like has been suggested find something else to do with DS3.

Sending you big hugs, I've been there, it's horrible xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks SA. I'll have to try and think of something and then and then try and persuade DS3 to do it.

At least I'll be in a car with him for six hours when we drive him to uni!