Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

[Deleted User]

I echo what carbootcrazy has said.

Congratulations on your Anniversary, 32 years is a long time, shows what true love is xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you so much Carboot and Purplemum. I feel like I know you too. You actually are doing a lot because your sympathathetic words really mean a lot to me. Bereaved people are desperate for a kind word and the people on here are so kind and lovely.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Bereaved people are desperate for a kind word and the people on here are so kind and lovely.

I'd give you a massive hug, if I could but will send you a dodgy group hug instead :grouphug: xxx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Purplemum.

Dorastar

Also sending hugs, but can't even bring myself to use that dodgy hug pic!

elizabethhull

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thanks Purplemum and Beanie.

I felt like I had a good day yesterday but at bedtime I suddenly felt awful . I think it was a combination of factors. The town we went to was one where I had memories of going with my mum and I kept seeing places that triggered memories. Then on the way home we needed to do our food shop. We were driving past the supermarket I used to go every week with my mum. It seemed silly to go somewhere else and I thought I'd need to face it sometime. But I think I underestimated how upsetting it would be to go there without her. At bedtime I suddenly felt really upset and unconsolable about not having my mum. DH tried to comfort me but sometimes nothing helps.

Anyway I need to try and be stronger.

Anyway sorry to moan, I'm surprised anyone still reads my diary.

Today should be a NSD anyway. It's actually our 32nd wedding anniversary today, but as we went for a meal with friends on Monday and did some spending yesterday we feel like we can't afford to celebrate today, plus I look all puffy eyed and awful today. So we're going to delay our celebration for a bit. I feel sorry for DH having to live with me at the moment .

Tomorrow I'm going for a walk on Dartmoor with my stepdad and DS3 so I'm looking forward to that.

Memory triggers unfortunately come when least expected. My elder daughter has several times reported choked moments by the olives in supermarket because her Grandpa loved them !

Don't put pressure on yourself to 'be stronger'. You are coping a day or sometimes just a few hours at a time. That is enough. It takes time - lots of it. All you can do is believe it will get gradually easier, but to have had a mother you loved enough to grieve for so strongly, that was a mother worth having and to be thankful for.

YOU ARE NOT MOANING !

.....and Happy Anniversary.

jwil

Congratulations on your anniversary. xx

System

Happy Anniversary HHOD . If I lived nearer I would pop round for a cup of tea and a chat . If I set off now I could be there for midnight !
For me the 5 stages of grief are well worth reading about if you aren't familiar with them. I found that I could relate to every stage.
We are all here for you , you are a friend to me HHOD.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Dorastar, Elizabeth and Jwil.

My mum was as close to perfect as it is possible for a human to be, I know that sounds silly and over the top, but that's how I've always felt about her. Sometimes I wish I'd liked her less and then I wouldn't miss her so much .

I've messaged a friend today who I'd lost contact with a few years ago and suggested getting together for coffee. She may not want to but I thought I'd give it a try as I need to widen my social circle. I've also invited my aunt and uncle to dinner next week as we owe them a meal.

I was also wondering about finding a local yoga or pilates group I could go to one evening a week. I know it would cost money, but me feeling awful means I can't work at the moment, so if it helped me to meet people and get me out of the house it would be beneficial.

I was also wondering about whether there is a local bereavement group where I could meet other sad people who won't mind me being miserable and crying all the time .

My mind has been in overdrive today!

DH has bought some takeaway curries from Mr M for us to eat tonight, cheaper than a takeaway or restaurant but still a bit of a treat.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

Happy Anniversary HHOD . If I lived nearer I would pop round for a cup of tea and a chat . If I set off now I could be there for midnight !
For me the 5 stages of grief are well worth reading about if you aren't familiar with them. I found that I could relate to every stage.
We are all here for you , you are a friend to me HHOD.

Thank you so much Cumbria . I wish you did live nearer, it would be lovely to have a cup of tea with you, at midnight or any time. I wish lots of people on here lived nearer.

I think I am relating to several of the five stages of grief. I've been through disbelief and I'm at sadnes now. I don't think I'll go through the anger stage, I didn't with my sister and I very rarely get angry. A recent bereavement can trigger feelings from an earler bereavement unfortunately, although if you've got over one, then you should know you can get over another one, in theory at least.