Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

elizabethhull

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

Glad to hear the Saturday saunter happened . How thoughtful of DS2 to bring a present back from his travels.

You have had loads of advice from lovely people on here . My hardest thing to grasp was people were very sympathetic for the first few weeks , then people seemed to move on and I was still not moving anywhere . It took me a long time to work out that this was just human nature it wasn't that they didn't care anymore , it was just because it wasn't their grief to deal with .

.

Very well put. Do you know what people could have done that would have helped in, say, 6mths or a years time ? A dear friend has recently died and I don't know how to help the husband? Or is being normal & ordinary helpful ?

Many years ago a friend had a miscarriage late in life, it was unexpected and the chance never came her way again. I remembered on the first year anniversary and she had forgotten - just put the memory aside without bitterness.

We all process grief in different ways.
If in 5yrs time, HHOD, you are still doing this diary, I hope some of us are still reading and able to understand wherever you're at.
xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

Glad to hear the Saturday saunter happened . How thoughtful of DS2 to bring a present back from his travels.

You have had loads of advice from lovely people on here . My hardest thing to grasp was people were very sympathetic for the first few weeks , then people seemed to move on and I was still not moving anywhere . It took me a long time to work out that this was just human nature it wasn't that they didn't care anymore , it was just because it wasn't their grief to deal with .

I planted a bush in my parents garden in memory of my brother , maybe you could plant something your mum liked . We have a couple of nice ornaments around it as well . My mum often stands talking to my brother at this bush, she finds great comfort watching it flower and grow every year.

We planted a bush in memory of my sister, so maybe a bush in memory of my mum would be nice. I agree that once a few months pass people expect you to have got over it but you haven't.

elizabethhull wrote: »

Very well put. Do you know what people could have done that would have helped in, say, 6mths or a years time ? A dear friend has recently died and I don't know how to help the husband? Or is being normal & ordinary helpful ?

Many years ago a friend had a miscarriage late in life, it was unexpected and the chance never came her way again. I remembered on the first year anniversary and she had forgotten - just put the memory aside without bitterness.

We all process grief in different ways.
If in 5yrs time, HHOD, you are still doing this diary, I hope some of us are still reading and able to understand wherever you're at.
xx

Grief varies from person to person. I like talking about my sister and my mum because I don't want to and can never forget them. But perhaps some people prefer not to be reminded. I think you could ask the bereaved person if they would like to talk about it or would rather not. And most importantly be there for them; ask them how they are, message them frequently and show them that you care. Just knowing that people care is so valuable.

I hope I'm still doing my diary in five years time.

System

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

We planted a bush in memory of my sister, so maybe a bush in memory of my mum would be nice. I agree that once a few months pass people expect you to have got over it but you haven't.


Grief varies from person to person. I like talking about my sister and my mum because I don't want to and can never forget them. But perhaps some people prefer not to be reminded. I think you could ask the bereaved person if they would like to talk about it or would rather not. And most importantly be there for them; ask them how they are, message them frequently and show them that you care. Just knowing that people care is so valuable.

I hope I'm still doing my diary in five years time.

Absolutely agree with what you have said.

HairyHandofDartmoor

My stepdad came around after lunch and we went for a walk with DS1. (DH stayed at home because he felt very tired. I need to ring the doctor tomorrow and book DH in because his blood pressure tablets are making his legs swollen and heavy. Plus he's developed a rash on the back of his leg which may be connected.)

The walk was a good distraction, especially as we'd never been there before and it was interesting. My mum would have loved it. Then my stepdad came back here and we had a roast dinner. DS2 and DS3 actually joined us! and DS2 gave my stepdad a present from Spain so he was pleased. It must be horrible for him going home to an empty house but he said he enjoyed the day. The weather was sunny and warm.

Tomorrow I want to do more gardening if it's dry. Being among nature seems to help me. In the evening an old friend from primary school wants to meet up at a restaurant. Her and her husband are staying at a nearby campsite. She knew my mum because we used to go to each other's houses for tea every week when we were at primary school, so it will be nice to see her. We haven't met up for about five years.

I'm having a better day today so far but yesterday evening I felt awful. It's weird how I feel up and down at different times.

I hope everyone has had a good day.

jwil

Have a good meetup with your friend x

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Jwil.

So far I've dug up a plant that was too big for the border and blocking the view of the garden and weeded the whole border. Now the border is empty and I thought I would just put pots containing flowers on the soil, then I can swop the pots around with the seasons. That way the border will always look nice and won't block our view of the garden from the kitchen any more.

I've also put a wash on and ironed six tops. Next I'll empty all the bins. All this stuff seems so trivial somehow but I can't just sit and think or I'll go mad .

DH didn't want to see the doctor this afternoon as he said he needs to get work done. He had a client meeting this morning but the client isn't ready to buy yet so that seems like a wasted morning .

I did persuade DH to ring the chest clinic though as his mask for his cpap machine is breaking and that may be partly why he's tired at the moment if he's not sleeping well because of it. I just need to persuade him to go and collect it before the clinic shuts now! He's just said he wants to do it tomorrow as he feels a bit better today, oh well.

I feel like I'm struggling today so maybe meeting my friend tonight will cheer me up, although we could do with not spending the money on a meal.

Seasidegal58

Hope you enjoy your meal with your friend. May be what you need to take your mind off things. Don't think of the cost just this once.

System

Enjoy the time spent with your friend. Don't worry about the money , it's not like you are out every night. You are allowed to treat yourself.

Hope DH is feeling better.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Cumbria and SSG.

I enjoyed seeing my friend. I hadn't seen her for about five years but she was so easy to talk to and DH got on well with her DH. I feel like it did me good. We spent nearly £40 so I suppose it could be a lot worse.

Seasidegal58

Good to hear you all enjoyed your evening and you felt all the better for it.