Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

mummytogirls

Hope you enjoyed your saunter HHOD xx

Seasidegal58

I've been off the board for a few weeks so just read through your diary since them. Big hugs from me and I can only echo all the wonderful and thoughtful advice you have received on here. When my dear dad passed away from lung cancer he was in his 80s and had been ill for many months so in a way although we were grief stricken, it wasn't unexpected. It was a different story with dear mum - she was taken into hospital unexpectedly and we lost her a week later. It knocked us all for six and took a long time for us to get back to normal. I'm glad that you have your OH and the boys around you to help you cope and what a support you have been to your stepdad as well. As others have said take one day at a time.

I hope you had a nice time in town today and found some decent book bargains.

SSGx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you MTG I did enjoy my saunter, kind of.

Thank you SSG. I'm struggling at the moment to understand how I will ever feel happy again without my mum, but I feel as if I'm coping. I'm doing things and keeping busy because I can't just sit and think or I'd go mad. I know it's early days but I wonder how long I will feel this great weight weighing me down. The onles times I don't feel miserable are when I forget for a few minutes that I no longer have my precious mum. I wish I believed in heaven but I'm an agnostic officially sitting on the fence. It would be so comforting to believe that my mum was in heaven with my sister and my grandparents .

Anyway enough moaning.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I didn't buy any books today as couldn't find any I wanted, but I bought myself a hardback A4 notebook in Mr T to use as a journal. I thought it might help to keep a daily journal. It was £5 reduced from £7.

I also got fruit and cheese from Mr T, plus a reduced ring binder and pad of lined paper for DS3 to take to uni. It's a start anyway. I also got some photo corners (about a fiver) from Rym@ns so DH can put some of his family photos in a new album, as the old one was damaged and manky.

It was chilly first thing but warmed up quite a bit by lunch time. When I got back I pruned our hedge, it's much easier to do since I've been doing it more regularly. It was surprisingly hot in the garden.

Since I came indoors I've been putting our wedding photos in a new album as the old one is very yukky and stained. I found two new photo albums in the void when I was looking for DS1's old uni stuff and they've been coming in very useful.

Now DH is cooking and I'm on here. No cider for me tonight as it will make me tearful. At least grief is helping me lose weight, I'm only one pound off my target weight now.

Seasidegal58

You are NOT moaning! Please don't think that you are! It's early, early days yet and that coil inside you that grinds away will gradually ease, but you take all the time you need.

Your work on your photos has given me some inspiration to sort our my own. I've a lovely album that been sitting under the bed for a couple of years waiting to be used.

I hope you have a peaceful evening Hairy.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you SSG. How long did it take you to feel a bit better after your mum passed away?

I'm glad I've inspired you to sort out photos, memories are important to preserve.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I forgot to say that DS2 bought us a present from Spain. It was a glass ornament (like a paperweight) similar to the one he and DS3 got us from Iceland. He is getting so sweet .

Seasidegal58

Quite a while Hairy - and my DSis was even worse. It never really goes away - as you have said you forget for a few minutes and you feel ok at that time and then remember again. But as the days go by the time you forget increases and life gets back to some semblance of normality - such as you'll watch a film and it'll make you laugh, your OH and boys will do things that will make you happy - it takes time but you'll get there.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you SSG it helps to hear other people's experience's. My sister died four years ago and that was bad enough, but this is so much worse.

Anyway I'm about to watch Final Destination 3 with DH and DS1, silly films but we do love them.

System

Glad to hear the Saturday saunter happened . How thoughtful of DS2 to bring a present back from his travels.

You have had loads of advice from lovely people on here . My hardest thing to grasp was people were very sympathetic for the first few weeks , then people seemed to move on and I was still not moving anywhere . It took me a long time to work out that this was just human nature it wasn't that they didn't care anymore , it was just because it wasn't their grief to deal with .

I planted a bush in my parents garden in memory of my brother , maybe you could plant something your mum liked . We have a couple of nice ornaments around it as well . My mum often stands talking to my brother at this bush, she finds great comfort watching it flower and grow every year.