Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

beanielou wrote: »

You are a better woman than me.
I would not go to the party:o

I don't really want to but my dad would be deeply hurt and offended if I didn't .

HairyHandofDartmoor

DH is finding my stepdad difficult at the moment .

My stepdad means well but he can be moody, bossy and a bit tactless, and DH is quite sensitive. Of course my stepdad is also getting upset at the drop of a hat at the moment as he's grieving. DH and my stepdad have never actually argued, but DH gets fed up with biting his tongue for my sake.

I think I'd better see my stepdad more on my own as I could do without the extra stress and it's not really fair on DH. It was easier when my mum was here because the effect of my stepdad was more diluted then .

jwil

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thank you Jwil that would be nice to meet up sometime when I feel more able to socialise.

No hurry

DH found CRUSE really helpful when he lost his Mum, they do some counselling and were brilliant. It might be an option if you want to try and avoid the ADs.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

DH is finding my stepdad difficult at the moment .

My stepdad means well but he can be moody, bossy and a bit tactless, and DH is quite sensitive. Of course my stepdad is also getting upset at the drop of a hat at the moment as he's grieving. DH and my stepdad have never actually argued, but DH gets fed up with biting his tongue for my sake.

I think I'd better see my stepdad more on my own as I could do without the extra stress and it's not really fair on DH. It was easier when my mum was here because the effect of my stepdad was more diluted then .

It's a tricky situation isn't it? Family dynamics can cause problems at the best of times but when everyone's emotions are still so raw after the loss of your mum it must be like tiptoeing on eggshells. Sending my sympathies and hugs to all:kisses3:.


Can I be nosy and ask about your stepdad please? I'm assuming he brought you up from your being very young, so more like a 'real' dad to you. Or have I got that wrong? Just wondering how close the relationship is that you have with your biological dad (who you always refer to as 'dad') and stepmum.

elizabethhull

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I felt a bit better after the first year when my sister died, but even now after four years I can feel upset out of the blue that's she's not here. It's even harder losing my mum as we were so close. I've dreaded losing my mum my whole life because she's always meant so much to me, and now it's happened .

I agree it CAN feel a bit better after a year, but everyone is different.

A few Sundays ago, I suddenly thought' Oh I've got to be ready for my parents weekly 4pm phone call', and it hasn't happened for over 10 years ! Totally threw me.

OTOH, yesterday was a daughter and grandson day. The day before, she messaged me, 'Just asked Ed to guess what Granny was making for lunch and he looked at me, his eyes lit up and he whispered in a really excited voice “Basagna?”
The lasagne was much enjoyed, as was picking tomatoes and courgettes, and then, whilst both hubby & daughter were napping (how come Granny never naps ??), I inflated 5 balloons and we had a predictably fine time batting them about.

I guess involvement in the moment, whether chatting, walking, playing etc, all help to get you to that state where you can think of your Mum without getting instantly choked. But I'm afraid it may take quite a while.

Sun_Addict

I lost my mum 8 days after my 40th birthday HHOD. My kids were only 13 and 15 and so close to her, they were beyond devastated, she doted on them. I was an only child and was her world as were my children. I am in awe of people my age who still have parents alive, I even know people my age who still have grandparents, all my grandparents had gone by the time I was 12

Anyway sending lots more big hugs your way xx

redofromstart

HHOD, just to say I'm thinking of you. Family politics can only be adding to the stress

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

It's a tricky situation isn't it? Family dynamics can cause problems at the best of times but when everyone's emotions are still so raw after the loss of your mum it must be like tiptoeing on eggshells. Sending my sympathies and hugs to all:kisses3:.


Can I be nosy and ask about your stepdad please? I'm assuming he brought you up from your being very young, so more like a 'real' dad to you. Or have I got that wrong? Just wondering how close the relationship is that you have with your biological dad (who you always refer to as 'dad') and stepmum.

redofromstart wrote: »

HHOD, just to say I'm thinking of you. Family politics can only be adding to the stress

I've lived with my mum and stepdad since I was 11. My stepdad has been very good to me despite being a little moody and my mum loved him. My real dad is very kind and I respect him a lot as a person but he's always been a bit distant, especially after he met my stepmum and started bringing up her children. Also I have lived near my mum and stepdad for over 25 years so saw a lot of them, whereas my dad and stepmum live in the South East so I typically only see them once a year.

I think DH and my stepdad have just been seeing too much of each other lately. They are both good people but sometimes rub each other up the wrong way.

HairyHandofDartmoor

elizabethhull wrote: »

I agree it CAN feel a bit better after a year, but everyone is different.

A few Sundays ago, I suddenly thought' Oh I've got to be ready for my parents weekly 4pm phone call', and it hasn't happened for over 10 years ! Totally threw me.

OTOH, yesterday was a daughter and grandson day. The day before, she messaged me, 'Just asked Ed to guess what Granny was making for lunch and he looked at me, his eyes lit up and he whispered in a really excited voice “Basagna?”
The lasagne was much enjoyed, as was picking tomatoes and courgettes, and then, whilst both hubby & daughter were napping (how come Granny never naps ??), I inflated 5 balloons and we had a predictably fine time batting them about.

I guess involvement in the moment, whether chatting, walking, playing etc, all help to get you to that state where you can think of your Mum without getting instantly choked. But I'm afraid it may take quite a while.

It must be nice to have grandchildren, I hope I have some one day.

Sun_Addict wrote: »

I lost my mum 8 days after my 40th birthday HHOD. My kids were only 13 and 15 and so close to her, they were beyond devastated, she doted on them. I was an only child and was her world as were my children. I am in awe of people my age who still have parents alive, I even know people my age who still have grandparents, all my grandparents had gone by the time I was 12

Anyway sending lots more big hugs your way xx

That must have been very hard SA. I'm know I'm lucky to have had my mum for 54 years, but I wanted her to live for ever. Like your mum her children and grandchildren were her world. It's so sad to not have that any more . She was the best mum anyone could have. I felt sad walking through M&S today because my mum loved that shop .

HairyHandofDartmoor

jwil wrote: »

No hurry

DH found CRUSE really helpful when he lost his Mum, they do some counselling and were brilliant. It might be an option if you want to try and avoid the ADs.

I did think I might try Cruse Jwil as my GP surgery is a bit useless and it took a year to get proper counselling last time I needed help. They just want to hand out ADs because it's cheaper for them.