Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

beanielou

Baby steps xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Beanie.

I'm going to try and post on my diary more to record positive steps.

I wake up every morning thinking about my mum and several times in the night thinking about my mum, but hopefully that will lessen over time.

Today my aunt (my mum's sister) has invited us all to dinner and for a walk in the afternoon. She misses my mum too so it will be nice to see her.

DS2 travels from Leon (Spanish one) to Bilbao today. He only has one week left in Spain. I haven't seen him since my mum passed so I'm looking forward to seeing him soon.

This coming weekend we have to go to my dad and stepmum's ruby wedding anniversary party. The grandchildren who weren't local weren't invited originally ( my mum would never have done that ) but they've found out DS1 and DS3 are travelling with us, so they've received a belated invitation.

We're going to stay with my stepsister for two nights and with DH's brother for two nights. We're away for longer because we want to visit DH's brother who has prostate cancer. He came to my mum's funeral even though he has cancer, which was lovely of him.

About three weeks after that DS3 will go away to university, which will be a happy and sad time.

I don't feel like coping with packing, long journeys, or parties at the moment, but maybe it will all be a distraction.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

System

Glad you managed to go for your Saturday saunter . At this stage you just do what feels right for you on the day.
I maybe wrong but sometimes when someone close has passed on , you feel that you shouldn't be going to parties etc. I felt like that for a long time , but I think your mum would have wanted you to go . How nice of your BIL to come to your mums funeral even though he is unwell himself. Obviously a much liked lady your mum.

Hope you find the strength and energy to pack for the journey to your step sisters party. X

Dorastar

Sending lots of hugs, just do what feels right for you, there is no right or wrong way to cope with grief.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I'm having a slightly better day today.

I went to look around the charity shops and got an Elly Griffiths book. I bought bananas, satsumas, grapes and strawberries at Mr T and the fruit stall.

I've lost my appetite a bit lately so have lost seven pounds since my mum passed away. At least we're saving money on food! It helps that I daren't touch alcohol as I know it would just make me tearful at the moment. I can only drink alcohol when I'm happy or stressed, but it makes me feel terrible if I feel sad.

I bought a present to post to my sister's new grandson, a colourful monkey rattle in M&S for £10. Baby stuff is more expensive than I remembered!

When I got home I cleaned out the furry moron and we cut his long claws. He hates us doing it but he'll feel more comfortable now. DH is cooking now and I'm trying to relax.

I went for a long walk on Dartmoor yesterday with my stepdad and DS3. It's kind of therapeutic on the moors.

I hope other people are having a good weekend.

It's the little routine acts of normality that help get people through the blackest times. I'm so glad you restarted your Saturday saunters and found a nice book:T. Walks in the fresh air are a great help too, I envy you being so near to lovely Dartmoor. Not been there since my last family holiday with my parents when I was 20 but I still remember it with great affection:T


I picked up a charity shop hardback by Raymond Chandler ( one of my all-time favourite crime writers) a few weeks ago. It's more about how he wrote rather than being just an autobiography. I've been feeling really under the weather recently though, no energy for anything, and the book remains unstarted:(. Saw my GP and have had some tests and hopefully I'll be back to my 'old' self (if that's anything to be pleased about:rotfl:) before too long.


I hope you, DH and your boys enjoy the few days away. A change of scene will do you all the world of good:beer:. Sending good wishes for the health of your BIL

Sun_Addict

When I lost my mum she was my first thought every morning when I woke up, my heart used to sink it was like a shock to remember - it was some time before that feeling passed. There were also many times when I thought "I must tell mum that" and then remembered I couldn't. I used to dream she was still alive most nights too which was awful. I still dream about her from time to time even now. Personally I found it eased after the first year, once all the first anniversaries (the first Christmas, Mother's Day, etc) and once I could no longer say "this time last year she was still alive". That's when it started to get easier for me, but everyone is different.

I was made redundant a week after my mum's funeral and had the ordeal of finding a new job (which was a blessing in disguise really as that's how I ended up in my present job). It wasn't one of my better years that's for sure!

It will be good for you to see DS2 again after his travels and, as you say, the party will be a distraction. Even if it seems like an effort, doing "normal" things will keep you going.

Just keep doing whatever it takes to get you through. Sending you virtual hugs xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

Glad you managed to go for your Saturday saunter . At this stage you just do what feels right for you on the day.
I maybe wrong but sometimes when someone close has passed on , you feel that you shouldn't be going to parties etc. I felt like that for a long time , but I think your mum would have wanted you to go . How nice of your BIL to come to your mums funeral even though he is unwell himself. Obviously a much liked lady your mum.

Hope you find the strength and energy to pack for the journey to your step sisters party. X

Thank you Cumbria. I'm sure that my mum would have wanted me to go to the party. My mum was lovely; she was very kind, friendly and interesting to talk to.

Dorastar wrote: »

Sending lots of hugs, just do what feels right for you, there is no right or wrong way to cope with grief.

Thank you Dora.

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

It's the little routine acts of normality that help get people through the blackest times. I'm so glad you restarted your Saturday saunters and found a nice book:T. Walks in the fresh air are a great help too, I envy you being so near to lovely Dartmoor. Not been there since my last family holiday with my parents when I was 20 but I still remember it with great affection:T


I picked up a charity shop hardback by Raymond Chandler ( one of my all-time favourite crime writers) a few weeks ago. It's more about how he wrote rather than being just an autobiography. I've been feeling really under the weather recently though, no energy for anything, and the book remains unstarted:(. Saw my GP and have had some tests and hopefully I'll be back to my 'old' self (if that's anything to be pleased about:rotfl:) before too long.


I hope you, DH and your boys enjoy the few days away. A change of scene will do you all the world of good:beer:. Sending good wishes for the health of your BIL

Thank you Carboot. Dartmoor is lovely. I hope your GP can help you to get your energy back. I like Raymond Chandler too.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Sun_Addict wrote: »

When I lost my mum she was my first thought every morning when I woke up, my heart used to sink it was like a shock to remember - it was some time before that feeling passed. There were also many times when I thought "I must tell mum that" and then remembered I couldn't. I used to dream she was still alive most nights too which was awful. I still dream about her from time to time even now. Personally I found it eased after the first year, once all the first anniversaries (the first Christmas, Mother's Day, etc) and once I could no longer say "this time last year she was still alive". That's when it started to get easier for me, but everyone is different.

I was made redundant a week after my mum's funeral and had the ordeal of finding a new job (which was a blessing in disguise really as that's how I ended up in my present job). It wasn't one of my better years that's for sure!

It will be good for you to see DS2 again after his travels and, as you say, the party will be a distraction. Even if it seems like an effort, doing "normal" things will keep you going.

Just keep doing whatever it takes to get you through. Sending you virtual hugs xx

I felt a bit better after the first year when my sister died, but even now after four years I can feel upset out of the blue that's she's not here. It's even harder losing my mum as we were so close. I've dreaded losing my mum my whole life because she's always meant so much to me, and now it's happened .

You must have been quite young when you lost your mum SA. You understand exactly how I feel.

beanielou

You are a better woman than me.
I would not go to the party:o