Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Beanie and Purplemum. I'm so grateful for my friends on here who always seem to know the right things to say.

Maybe you're right about my friends. Maybe they don't understand that when you've lost a loved one you feel so alone and are desperate for a kind word from someone.

MeandO

I just had a quick read of you diary and was so sad to hear about your Mum.

Sending lots of love to you and your family and much strength to get through this difficult time. As others said, be kind to yourself and take time.

Does your Step Dad have a garden? Perhaps you could maybe plant a rose or a tree in your Mum's memory in his garden and give him something to tend to if he's able. I know things like this aren't for everybody, but the little things to concentrate on do often help in dark times.

Looking forward, perhaps tea and the best possible cake you can bake/buy/find on special ocassions will be a fitting tribute to your lovely Mum.

Sending lots of love and well wishes to you all xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you MeandO, some nice ideas there to remember my lovely mum.

beanielou

I went onto AD's after the death of my father 6 years ago.
I couldent have coped without them.
Still on them but at a must reduced dose.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Do you have many side effects from the AD Beanie? I know the side effects are often worth it depending upon how bad you feel. I was on them for about three years after my sister died and they helped me through a bad patch, but they made feel so sleepy and a bit dopey that I was glad to come off them after a while.

I'm finding long walks and constant cleaning/de-cluttering helpful at the moment, at least it tires me out enough so I sleep a bit better.

I know that would be hard for you though Beanie because of your mobility. Whatever helps us to get through the day is a good thing.

Were you very close to your father? My dad has never taken much interest in me, but I was very close to my mum.

elizabethhull

I can't add any further suggestions, but agree U3A often has a very varied programme.

And you are NOT moaning. What's the point of virtual friends if you can't express yourself freely ?

I guess we all find a way through the grief eventually, but it can take longer than you hope, and certainly longer than other people may suppose.
Your Mum sounds like she was a lovely person.

WannabeFree

I can't really add anything to what the others have said but I totally echo their replies.

As for AD side effects each one will be different to each person BUT remember there is a lot of different ones and while it can be a pain trying to find 'the one' that works for you it can be totally worth it in the long run. Don't be afraid of trying and if the first one you try gives you side effects go back etc.

Take care, you never need to feel you can't come here because we are all here for you

x

HairyHandofDartmoor

elizabethhull wrote: »

I can't add any further suggestions, but agree U3A often has a very varied programme.

And you are NOT moaning. What's the point of virtual friends if you can't express yourself freely ?

I guess we all find a way through the grief eventually, but it can take longer than you hope, and certainly longer than other people may suppose.
Your Mum sounds like she was a lovely person.

WannabeFree wrote: »

I can't really add anything to what the others have said but I totally echo their replies.

As for AD side effects each one will be different to each person BUT remember there is a lot of different ones and while it can be a pain trying to find 'the one' that works for you it can be totally worth it in the long run. Don't be afraid of trying and if the first one you try gives you side effects go back etc.

Take care, you never need to feel you can't come here because we are all here for you

x

Thank you both.

System

Lots of lovely ideas to remember your mum HH . I will only add that everyone deals with grief in different ways. My family had a traumatic death many years ago , the actual grief didn't hit me until some 6 months later as I was so busy holding it all together for everyone else. I survived thanks to my friends and other family members. Personally my family managed without AD but we are all different people and one size doesn't fit all. As for your friends some people are embarrassed by other people suffering a loss because they don't know what to say or do. I would just wait and see what happens . One day at a time is all you can do at the minute , so do what feels right. Sending a big hug. X

beanielou

When I was on the higher dose AD's the side effects were greater but also I had to factor in I was also on quite heavy duty muscle relaxants which probably dident help.
The lower dose is just fine.
Lets just say my dad and I had a complex relationship.
Families!!!