Does it ever "get better"?

DoubleDoors

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm really struggling to cope with everything lately. People always tell me things will get better, but just when they do we get hit with something else!

- Fell pregnant and miscarried in June 2015
- Fell pregnant with twins born in April 2016
- Partner lost steady job in February 2016
- Went on maternity leave March 2016, pay decreased by £1k per month
- Went back to work on flexible hours in January 2017
- Partner had to find another job in February 2017, on less money
- Made redundant in July 2017
- Applied for an internal job in September 2017, offered an alternative within the company on worse hours and much less pay, and unable to maintain my current working arrangement. By taking this job I also sacrifice my redundancy settlement should I decide in a month or so that the job isn't for me.

I just don't know when things will get better. Does it ever?

I know people will say I'm lucky to have my health, no debt, and two beautiful children - but financially we are struggling to make sure we don't end up in debt and we can afford the bare necessities for the children. We can't even afford to take the children to the local soft play, and we have very few, if any, luxuries in our lives. My health is suffering as I am becoming increasingly stressed and run down, as well as suffering with some recurrent chest issues.

I'm at my wits' end.

Your OH was going to marry you, wasn't he.... Did that ever happen?

longhill

could you ask close family for gifts for the wedding like my daughter is getting married next year already lives in her own home so her grandparents asked to buy her flowers we are giving money towards the cars and her sister is making the cake just a idea

DoubleDoors

longhill wrote: »

could you ask close family for gifts for the wedding like my daughter is getting married next year already lives in her own home so her grandparents asked to buy her flowers we are giving money towards the cars and her sister is making the cake just a idea

I think herein lies the problem, - she wants them to be married, and thinks he wants to marry her, but he's dragging his feet for reasons best known to himself and doesn't seem to be at all keen, let alone proactive.

Weddings don't need to cost a lot, in fact they could just get hitched for the price of a registry office and the paperwork AFAIK

lika_86

DoubleDoors wrote: »

I think herein lies the problem, - she wants them to be married, and thinks he wants to marry her, but he's dragging his feet for reasons best known to himself and doesn't seem to be at all keen, let alone proactive.

Weddings don't need to cost a lot, in fact they could just get hitched for the price of a registry office and the paperwork AFAIK

Read the thread, they're getting married and have a date booked and deposits paid.

annandale

Your OH was going to marry you, wasn't he.... Did that ever happen?

How do you know this if you only joined the forums today?

If you're not feeling well then going to the doctor is a good idea. However terms like depression and anxiety get thrown round, similar to how everyone always say they have flu when it's just a cold. Diagnosis is quite unreliable as there are no blood tests.

So it's important that you don't talk yourself into being diagnosed with a mental health issue. However you should definitely talk to someone specialised about your bereavement.

I think its up to lulu's doctor to decide whether she's suffering from any kind of depression or anxiety or not as the case may be.

There's enough stigma surrounding mental health issues without someone unqualified telling someone else on a forum to make sure they don't get a diagnosis of anxiety.

Some people on these forums do suffer from depression, there's a long running support thread and people should be able to go to the GP for exhaustion or anxiety or depression without being made to feel that it's something to be ashamed of.

annandale

Read the thread, they're getting married and have a date booked and deposits paid.

Someone who knows Lulu from previous postings clearly.

Bangton

I haven't had issues to your extent and I'm so sorry to hear of your bad luck but I do understand the pressure your in somewhat.

I was made redundant shorty after having my son. whilst the whole idea was to go back part time i found myself going back full time to secure my pay out and then when it came to finding a job basically flexi hours rarely exist.

I've therefore found myself working full time starting very early in the morning and at times feeling pretty down about it. friends seem to get a day off at least once a week where I've always out earned my partner and can't live solely on his wage and my job doesn't really allow for flexi or part time. most days I'm shattered and I've found myself with little to no friends who have children as friendships have died off largely because I'm always at work (we catch up now and again). try finding a group for a child on a weekend where we can both socialise together...

like you funnily enough I suffer chest issues. I've always had asthma but it's worse than ever right now. this keeps me up at night on a regular basis. I'm lucky if I get through one whole month without having the most horrendous cough and wheezing. this alone makes me feel low and I reach the point of exhaustion where everything is then ten times worse.

I'm not depressed and I'm fortunate i earn a good income but what I'd give even just to have a day off a week even if it meant condensing my hours into 4 days.

there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve the poor situation you've found yourself in and absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to treat your children. heck a day out is good for you as well. my concern reading your post is the issue your partner is in too. that little sleep is going to seriously affect his ability to function and care for your little ones. for that reason I'd take redundancy .. yes it's not a lot but clearly your frugal enough to make it last and your bound to get some support from the government until you can find something on better terms. this step back is surely going to give you better mental and physical health and allow you the time to look for something better. it also allows your partner some sleep.

bottom line is this is a very worrying way to live and I have to say I wouldn't do it

DoubleDoors

annandale wrote: »

Someone who knows Lulu from previous postings clearly.

Thanks P1, should have read the whole thread before I posted

goodwithsaving

lulu_92 wrote: »

Sometimes it's good to get it all out. Many people have posted on this board to do the same thing. If I get any advice then brilliant. Sometimes when you have a sparse support network you don't have many places to turn.

Mumsnet it isn't

Spendless

Bangton wrote: »

I was made redundant shorty after having my son. whilst the whole idea was to go back part time i found myself going back full time to secure my pay out and then when it came to finding a job basically flexi hours rarely exist.

I have found this to be sooo true. What I wanted when I returned to work was something day-time part-time, or longer days/shorter days within a week. It proved just about impossible to find. Even on the one occassion I did, I went from 13 hours to 30 in just over a year and was still the only part-timer there. Eventually I came to the conclusion that in my area at least the only way into this would be to either work in the public sector or be able to re-negotatiate when back from maternity (neither applicable in my case). I've wasted several years due to looking/wanting this and missed out on opportunities that I could ahve done instead.

Accept you may not find something comparable to what you have and are being made redundant from and look for something instead that works for your family. Good luck xx