Does it ever "get better"?

gettingtheresometime

I also think the concept of 'treats' is a relatively new thing, perhaps it's co-incidental with the rising need for families to have 2 incomes.


As an example when I was a child, you got toys at Christmas & birthdays - occasionally if I got a good school report in the summer I would get something, but only something little. Now it seems children have toys all the year round.


The children won't remember not going to soft play or any other paid activity but they will remember the things that they did with their parents that didn't necessarily cost a lot.....Christmas will soon be with us - what about making decorations as that will be making memories for them as well as you.

-taff

lulu_92 wrote: »

I hope you weren't intending to sound as rude as this came across .

I'm used to posting on factual boards, not yayy, go you! boards, so it may well have come across as rude to you, but wasn't my intention.

Itmay be helpful to post on the debt free wannabe board to see if anyone can help with your budget, or the old style board for tips with the wedding, you might be surprised.

Personally, I'd probably take the redundancy and look for another job. If what they've offered you is much less money in a worse area it doesn't bode well for how they think of you.

gettingtheresometime

Also if you're not comfortable with asking for money (which I totally understand) is there any aspect of the wedding that people could provide as a gift ?


So if someone can bake, suggest that they provide a cake as a gift - perhaps people could chip in with the cost of the ingredients as their gift.

Also, on the work front have you thought about getting an evening job whilst you're looking for a suitable day job?


When money was tight I worked in the local bingo hall for a couple of hours a week - it didn't earn me much but it kept our heads above water.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

Yes, kids do survive without this stuff, but my point is we want to be able to do things as a family and make memories but unfortunately things are expensive.

I can understand how, when you're struggling and life doesn't seem to be giving you a chance to improve your life, it's hard to see other children doing things that yours can't but you don't need to pay out money to make good memories.

Looking back at my childhood, the things I remember are when people spent time with me and gave me their attention.

Our parents didn't have the money to pay for events but we had a great childhood.

lulu_92

Please understand that I know kids don't care about things that cost money, and i dont think it makes me a better parent if i spend more money. Im saying that every now and again it might be nice to take a family day out to the zoo, or take them swimming, or do something a bit different than normal. I'm not talking about every weekend, or every month. The girls get toys at christmas and on their birthday, and we chose to buy more practical things such as clothes, as well as a couple of little toys for them. We have never bought them toys or treats for the sake of it.

I do lurk on the debt free boards for advice, although im not sure i can cut costs any more than i have done. Like i said, we're quite on the ball when it comes to making sure we don't pay more than we have to.

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Also if you're not comfortable with asking for money (which I totally understand) is there any aspect of the wedding that people could provide as a gift ?


So if someone can bake, suggest that they provide a cake as a gift - perhaps people could chip in with the cost of the ingredients as their gift.

Also, on the work front have you thought about getting an evening job whilst you're looking for a suitable day job?


When money was tight I worked in the local bingo hall for a couple of hours a week - it didn't earn me much but it kept our heads above water.

Im lucky that my mum is making the cake anyway and my grandma has offered to make the girls their dresses.

OH works evenings and overnights so i have to work days. I am out of the house 6am until 7pm and OH leaves for work at 6:30pm and comes back just before 6am. Our parents come over for the half an hour or so between to watch the girls. Our siblings have all recently had children and they need help with childcare too so we can't really expect much more from our parents.

Funnily enough i used to work in the local bingo hall! 3.5 years while i went to uni. I still work in the gambling industry but unless I'm willing to move to Gibraltar, London or Leeds I'm pretty much stuck industry wise. I am looking for pretty much anything regardless of industry but I'm not getting very far!

lulu_92

goodwithsaving wrote: »

You really need to remove the chip off your shoulder you have when people are trying to offer some useful insight / advice.

I don't have a chip on my shoulder, simply explaining my situation as it is. Excuse me for getting a tad defensive when it's implied that my job was never secure and i was wrong to book a wedding based on my income at the time. That logic suggests none of us should ever do anything.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

What do you do in the gambling industry?

lulu_92

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

What do you do in the gambling industry?

I dont want to make myself more identifiable than i already have. I do a bit of marketing and promotional work for a online betting company

fairy_lights

lulu_92 wrote: »

I currently work 35 miles from where i live so im trying to find something closer but no luck since July.

My mental and physical health has deteriorated massively in the last two months

Yikes, that's a long commute even without having two babies waiting for you at home. I'd seriously consider taking the redundancy pay and trying to find something closer to home, would you consider changing industry if need be?
It doesn't sound like commuting so far for a lower paid job is going to do you any good in the long run.

FBaby

lulu, I don't want to come across as patronizing, I know that you've come here for support, but I do think the reason why you are feeling so stressed about your situation is because you are focusing on the things you wish you had which you can't have rather than what you do have.

You had a miscarriage but then went on to have two lovely children. I had a miscarriage and then was told I could never have more children. I still tried for 5 years and it never happened, so in my view, you are very fortunate.

You can't afford luxuries such as trips etc... but you are about to have a wedding. That's normal. OH and I decided that we didn't want to borrow any money for our wedding and we only had 6 months from proposal to wedding, so we had to cut down on everything and also accepted that our wedding wouldn't be an expensive business. My dress was £100 on the internet, I made the cake myself, the bouquets were flowers from Tesco and the garden!

The point is that everything is about the choices we make in life to reach the balance that suits us. If the balance doesn't work for you, you need to revisit. I understand that what probably makes you feel as you do is that you feel that the situation you are in is not your fault, but again, unexpected bad circumstances can happen at any time, you just have to ride through them.

So on the positive side, you have two lovely children, a husband to be who is clearly very supportive, and one of the most wonderful day in your life to look forward to. Look at solutions. It might very well be that you can afford not to take that job and tight your belt for some months until you can find something that will work for you.

Most of us would love to work minimum hours or not at all yet still be able to enjoy the small luxuries that make us feel good. The vast majority either do without all the luxuries they dream off, or work long hours at jobs they don't enjoy so that they can pay for these luxuries. Those who work fewer hours or a job they love and get all the luxuries of their dreams are either very lucky, or in denial of their debts (or retired!)