Does it ever "get better"?

lulu_92

I'm really struggling to cope with everything lately. People always tell me things will get better, but just when they do we get hit with something else!

- Fell pregnant and miscarried in June 2015
- Fell pregnant with twins born in April 2016
- Partner lost steady job in February 2016
- Went on maternity leave March 2016, pay decreased by £1k per month
- Went back to work on flexible hours in January 2017
- Partner had to find another job in February 2017, on less money
- Made redundant in July 2017
- Applied for an internal job in September 2017, offered an alternative within the company on worse hours and much less pay, and unable to maintain my current working arrangement. By taking this job I also sacrifice my redundancy settlement should I decide in a month or so that the job isn't for me.

I just don't know when things will get better. Does it ever?

I know people will say I'm lucky to have my health, no debt, and two beautiful children - but financially we are struggling to make sure we don't end up in debt and we can afford the bare necessities for the children. We can't even afford to take the children to the local soft play, and we have very few, if any, luxuries in our lives. My health is suffering as I am becoming increasingly stressed and run down, as well as suffering with some recurrent chest issues.

I'm at my wits' end.

pollypenny

Yes, lulu! It will get better. Life tends to work out.

Chin up, bless you!

jfdi

We went through all that too, and add on top mortgage rates going up to 15% or so.
It was horrendous, a good couple of years with living hand to mouth, but it does get better, eventually!
Home brew (beer and wine!) was a cheap hobby we discovered!

BrassicWoman

aww hon, have a wee hug!

who do you have supporting you?

clairec79

This is a short term thing - the twins will get older and cost less in childcare (which is probably the financially most crippling thing with young children - especially two)

Have you taken the new job yet? Would you be better taking the redundancy and then looking for something better for your family? It may help your mental health - and look into what the down side financially to you not working for a period actually is. If you are paying out childcare etc it may work out not much different - and your sanity is worth so much

lulu_92

Thank you everyone for such positive vibes!

@brassic what support do you mean? With the girls our parents help when they can.

@claire we cant afford childcare so OH has to work nights and have them in the day. I have accepted the job but i guess i could still change my mind and get the redundancy pay. Problem is we have a wedding to pay for and although the redundancy would pay for that we cant live off just OHs wage if it takes me a while to find another job. I currently work 35 miles from where i live so im trying to find something closer but no luck since July.

My mental and physical health has deteriorated massively in the last two months

KxMx

I'm guessing there would be some loss of deposits to consider, but have you thought about postponing the wedding?

I guess it'd either be a weight off and breathing room, or the last straw if it's the only thing keeping you going.

Alternatively could you scale back the plans?

It sounds like you really need a break physically and mentally. Taking the redundancy could give you that if the wedding can be compromised on.

Seems the status quo is a massive struggle for you so maybe the wedding needs to give.

Spendless

I think the years before they start f-time school are tough. It's extremely 'hands-on' so you don't get much of a break and there's the financial element too. Even if you're not paying for childcare, it means you're more restricted in what work each of you take.

It does get 'better' in a way. That time passes but it does get replaced with other stuff instead, but maybe not as day to day tiring as it currently is.

lulu_92

We discussed postponing the wedding but we would lose so much money. We aren't having anything extravagant either so there's not much that can be cut back on either.

I need a break but as the breadwinner that doesn't happen. My OH needs a break too

-taff

You have made things worse for yourself by deciding to get married when your jobs were uncertain.
At some point you have to decide not to spend money. And soft play is very expensive for what it is [ I did think about doing that myself because the rates are so extortionate].
Don't pay out any more for your wedding than you already have done. I know people think it's a 'special day' and go crazy with what they want, but realistically, you can't afford it. Forget the extras and just go with what you already have.


And will you lose your redundancy if you don't take this job?

lulu_92

-taff wrote: »

You have made things worse for yourself by deciding to get married when your jobs were uncertain.
At some point you have to decide not to spend money. And soft play is very expensive for what it is [ I did think about doing that myself because the rates are so extortionate].
Don't pay out any more for your wedding than you already have done. I know people think it's a 'special day' and go crazy with what they want, but realistically, you can't afford it. Forget the extras and just go with what you already have.


And will you lose your redundancy if you don't take this job?

I hope you weren't intending to sound as rude as this came across but my job was never under any uncertainty. If you knew the company i work for you would be as surprised as i was. They've moved my job overseas, which none of us saw coming. I was in this role for 3 years and excuse me for planning a wedding based on my secure income at the time. We set a date after OH got his job. The hours suck but he can get good overtime.

If you read my earlier comment you will see that i said the wedding wasnt extravagant at all!

I wont lose the redundancy if i dont take this job.