Does it ever "get better"?

Angry_Bear

FBaby wrote: »

lulu, I don't want to come across as patronizing, I know that you've come here for support, but I do think the reason why you are feeling so stressed about your situation is because you are focusing on the things you wish you had which you can't have rather than what you do have.

This came across to me as well. A lot of "being happy" is about perspective (I know people who seem to have a lot but are unhappy and people who have nothing but manage to find contentment). From your posts I wonder if you're suffering a little from depression - might it be worth speaking with a healthcare professional or counsellor to try to get a little balance?

KxMx

Do you and OH get any quality time together as a couple or individually?

My cousin has twins so I know the difficulties, but it is really important especially for mental health to get some me/couple time outside the daily grind of work & toddlers X2.

lulu_92

I'm trying to find literally anything that suits our situation and anything i do find i just get a standard rejection letter. Still I keep trying.

I developed anxiety after the redundancy was announced and I've ended up in a downward spiral since then. I am grateful for what I do have but I struggle to cope with the fact that we have had to work so hard to be in a less than ideal situation.

My free time is when the girls are in bed but i pretty much go to bed when they do as I'm exhausted. OH gets some free time but not much. We have one day a month where the girls go to their grandparents' for the day, but this only started on the bank holiday. We try to arrange some quality time when we can but it is difficult. Its one reason why I'm upset that my new boss (well within his rights to) flat out rejected my request to keep my hours as they are. My work/life balance is terrible as it is but with the new hours it gets worse and costs me more money for the privilege.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

Applied for an internal job in September 2017, offered an alternative within the company on worse hours and much less pay, and unable to maintain my current working arrangement.

By taking this job I also sacrifice my redundancy settlement should I decide in a month or so that the job isn't for me.

Have you worked out how much money you'd have to live on if you took the redundancy? Would you be able to claim JSA while you find something else?

A short break from work could give you a chance to reset your lives and stop your depression/anxiety from getting worse.

Red-Squirrel_2

lulu_92 wrote: »

OH has to work nights and have them in the day.

When does he sleep?

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

When does he sleep?

She answered that somewhere, he'll get about an hour and a half every other day.

Red-Squirrel_2

lulu_92 wrote: »

I used soft play as an example of things we cant afford to take the girls to. I know these arent "necessary" but i am absolutely fed up of not being able to treat the girls once in a while to something fun. There's not much around here that's free and suitable for them at the age they are, apart from the park, which we do to death because it's free!

Yes we didnt have to get married but we planned everything when we were secure financially and we made sure it was affordable. We really don't want to put any of the wedding on credit now we're in difficulty. We haven't done any new bookings or wedding purchases since two months before i found out about redundancy.

(As an aside it makes me laugh that in my thready history i have people criticising us for not being married, and then when i do decide to i have people saying i shouldn't :rotfl: even though I've not mentioned the budget so nobody can judge if it's too much to spend)

Getting married doesn't need an expensive wedding. You can do it for less than £200 in the registry office. That's what I'd do if I were you. Yes, you'd 'lose' what you've already paid out, but that's gone anyway, forget about it. If you carry on with your wedding plans you'll be spending more than you can afford just because you don't want to feel like you've wasted the deposits etc! Much better to cut your losses and not have any more of your much needed cash going on something non-essential.

Red-Squirrel_2

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

She answered that somewhere, he'll get about an hour and a half every other day.

Right, so not safe to drive and probably not safe to look after young children. I hope he doesn't have a job where his sleep deprivation could be dangerous too.

POPPYOSCAR

I am not sure what you expect to get out of starting this thread.

Is it just to vent?

KxMx

I overhauled my financial planning a few years ago. On paper I had a surplus but not in reality. I also was certain I was getting the best value everywhere, couldn't do more with what I had & not wasting money.

Once I started the spending diary it became clear I was wrong on all counts. :eek:

It was meant to be a temporary measure but 2 years on I still keep a spending diary spreadsheet. I also get much more out of the same money.

Obviously I have no clue how you run your finances, but perhaps with some extra tight planning & sums the redundancy pay and loss of your wage might become a viable option.

Do a detailed, realistic current budget. Then do one for redundancy pay/loss of wages. See where you could make changes & cuts to balance the books. Taking into account things like possible JSA/extra tax credits entitlement, less fuel costs etc.