board issues

Loz01

maman wrote: »

I'm not disagreeing that £250 isn't good value or that it's unaffordable. For a lodger it would be an absolute bargain. I wondered just why OP wants the money from her daughter.

So you don't think people who run houses have costs? OPs daughter will be earning 21 thousand a year yet will expect free food and washing done and broadband and TV no doubt, how is that fair? Maybe her parents want to pay off the mortgage or cut down their own working hours now. Its not unreasonable to ask someone for 250 quid when she'll be taking home over 1k a month. If she wants to find somewhere else for 250 quid, good luck to her, because she'll struggle to even find a 6 bedroom house share for that.

onomatopoeia99

maman wrote: »

I'm not disagreeing that £250 isn't good value or that it's unaffordable. For a lodger it would be an absolute bargain. I wondered just why OP wants the money from her daughter.

Perhaps they feel an adult earning a good wage should stand on their own two feet? That is after all what parenting is about.

I certainly didn't expect to freeload off my parents when I was living there and working full time (I was 18 and taking a "year off" to earn some money before uni).

The 23 year old in this case needs to adjust her expectations. Her parents have already given two decade of their lives to raising her, she needs to stop taking and lose the sense of entitlement. I would ask her why she feels entitled to live rent free.

-taff

maman wrote: »

OP made a point of asking what everyone else thinks. That's the point of the thread.

The implied questions from the original post were

"is 250 too much to ask her to pay, and if she doesn't pay, what do i do?"

She's already made her position clear, that she expected her daughter to pay.

~Gabriel

ROSEPUNKY wrote: »

I have 23yr old daughter who we have supported throughout her degree at University even when was doing a bit of bank work. We always said when she started working she needed to pay board. Her starting salary will be 21,000 a year and being reasonable we asked her to start paying 250pcm. This is causing conflict as she thinks it is extortionate amount but I know it is not and she is refusing to pay board.

£21000 divided by 15 will give you her approximate take home pay per month, so £1400-ish.

What she really needs to be doing with a large amount of that £1400 is saving towards a deposit for her first place. Unless she is planning to just fritter it away and then give £god-knows-how-much to a private landlord when she finally gets fed up with living with her mum.

Why not tell her this, and offer to save the amount for her and put it in a bank account where she can't access it.

gettingtheresometime

Hubby has always had a theory that humans are a weird breed as no other creature will raise its young into adulthood and then continually treat them as children.


We've had £250 from our son since he's returned home and I'm sure that at £62 per week, all inclusive, he's had a pretty good deal ....and with the bills he's now facing on his first property I'm sure he now thinks he's had a pretty good deal as well!


I don't like the word charging either. As I've said with the other great debate on MSE (ie nursing home fees/leaving an inheritance) there's a cost to me living somewhere whether that be in my own home, a hotel or nursing home.

Zeni

I think its wrong to make the OP feel bad for expecting her daughter to pay rent. Her daughter is no longer a child, she is now an adult with a decent wage coming in a month and is in a position where she can now help to pay towards her living situation. Also the OP says that they've told her this would be happening so it shouldn't be a surprise. Her daughter should want to help out and pay her way now she can just like how they have cared and supported her for the last 23 years.

Loz01

Also a 23 year old should have some kind of conscience to think "Im earning £1k a month now, maybe my parent(s) could do with some financial help now I'm an adult, they have done a lot for me" instead of complaining about being fleeced for 250 quid. OP, print off the cost of renting in your area from Right Move and show her.

maman

I wonder how much our views are influenced by our own upbringing. My parents never asked nor wanted any 'payback' for bringing us up. Even after we left home they still treated us whenever possible such as family meals out and generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I've been happy to do the same for my DDs. It's not because they've asked us but because I want to. It gives me pleasure.

That's not to say we haven't taught them budgeting and the value of money. We wouldn't be in a position to be generous if we weren't careful.

cloudy-day

maman wrote: »

I wonder how much our views are influenced by our own upbringing. My parents never asked nor wanted any 'payback' for bringing us up. Even after we left home they still treated us whenever possible such as family meals out and generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I've been happy to do the same for my DDs. It's not because they've asked us but because I want to. It gives me pleasure.

That's not to say we haven't taught them budgeting and the value of money. We wouldn't be in a position to be generous if we weren't careful.

That's nice that you have been able to do that. My Mum (single parent) was not able to do that for me - in fact I helped her out as soon as I could.


I take your point, but there is a BIG difference between wanting to help your child and them 'refusing' to pay board and lodging. A 23 year old is an ADULT and should expect to pay their way when asked. Actually before being asked!


If I can I will pay any of my children's board into an ISA as a gift when they leave (without them knowing). However our situation may well be different when the time comes - and I would at least expect an offer of payment to be made.


A salary of £21K is decent so I am shocked that a 23 year old would expect a free ride from their parents.

FBaby

I agree with takman, I don't understand why this is such a matter of debate. They really are two types of young people still living with their parents. The lazy who want it easy in every way, so when mum cooks, clean, and only ask for £50 a week or even better nothing at all, what would possibly be the incentive to move into your own place? Unfortunately, I do think there are more and more young adults with an incredible sense of entitlement who really believe they should still be the responsibility of their parents, whilst some parents encourages it because better to get £200 a month than nothing when they've had to deal with the cut of their tax credits.


Then you have the very responsible youngsters, who know that the earlier you can invest in property, the most stable your investment will be and are on a mission to put any penny aside to become a home owner asap and therefore stay as short a time at their parents.

Personally, my kids can forget about fitting into the first category, but considering I have made them wash their clothes, iron, clean etc... since they were able to do so, and I am not the overly mother type anyway, I think the only motivation they would have to stay here is indeed to be able to afford to move as quickly as possible!