board issues

maman

cloudy-day wrote: »

A salary of £21K is decent so I am shocked that a 23 year old would expect a free ride from their parents.

I think that's the crux of it. I'm happy to be generous because it gives me pleasure but if my children started to 'expect' then it would change my attitude to them. It's a bit like FBaby says about a sense of entitlement in some youngsters.

seashore22

maman wrote: »

I wonder how much our views are influenced by our own upbringing. My parents never asked nor wanted any 'payback' for bringing us up. Even after we left home they still treated us whenever possible such as family meals out and generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I've been happy to do the same for my DDs. It's not because they've asked us but because I want to. It gives me pleasure.

That's not to say we haven't taught them budgeting and the value of money. We wouldn't be in a position to be generous if we weren't careful.

It's lovely for you that supporting your children gives you pleasure, but for many parents it's a pleasure that they are denied and your posts lack empathy, in my opinion. My own parents asked for £100 a month and that was 35 years ago. They wouldn't have survived without their children's contributions and I would have been the scum of the earth to resent paying them that money. As their children left home they moved into smaller and smaller houses until they lived in a one bed property. That is the reality for some families.

Our own children paid a small amount each month as soon as they had full time jobs and never moaned about it and we felt it was a useful life lesson for them. The youngest lived at home for a short time after uni without paying us anything, but only because she is a saver and was trying to get a rent deposit together. It meant she could move out quicker and that suited all of us.

You seem to feel that those of us who ask for a contribution from our children aren't being supportive. Nothing is further from the truth and it may well be true of the op too.

Robisere

Between 19 and 23 years of age, I was in the Army as a single man. I would go home to my parents' house where I grew up when I came on leave. After speaking to my parents about Board when at home, I made an arrangement to send home a fixed sum every month and I saw that as paying for board and lodging when I was at home.

During Leave periods, I often took a holiday, a few days away, or went to visit relatives, but I never asked for any reduction in Board. I did not have an ideal childhood, but I was born when my parents were both 40 and by the time I was in my 20's, they were getting older and I did not expect them to keep me for nothing as they approached retirement, especially as my dad was carrying a debilitating injury and mum had angina.

This girl should look at the fact that her parents have got her to the point of attending University and being able to get a well-paid job. She might not have been able to get this far in life and work, without their support. Tell her to pay the amount you mention, via a Standing Order to your account, or leave and discover life without that support.

silvercar

maman wrote: »

I wonder how much our views are influenced by our own upbringing. My parents never asked nor wanted any 'payback' for bringing us up. Even after we left home they still treated us whenever possible such as family meals out and generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I've been happy to do the same for my DDs. It's not because they've asked us but because I want to. It gives me pleasure.

That's not to say we haven't taught them budgeting and the value of money. We wouldn't be in a position to be generous if we weren't careful.

Totally agree. When my kids moved home after university I was happy to have them home and wouldn't have dreamt of charging them for the privilege. They both moved out fairly quickly and manage to budget and keep home very well.

maman

I seem to be in an ever shrinking minority on this issue but, to me, it's not about whether she can afford it (she obviously can) but that as a parent I wouldn't want her to pay.

Marvel1

maman wrote: »

I seem to be in an ever shrinking minority on this issue but, to me, it's not about whether she can afford it (she obviously can) but that as a parent I wouldn't want her to pay.

For me being the child, I want to pay, I don't like my parents giving me gifts, handouts.

seashore22

maman wrote: »

I seem to be in an ever shrinking minority on this issue but, to me, it's not about whether she can afford it (she obviously can) but that as a parent I wouldn't want her to pay.

It's nice for you and your children that you are in position to do that, but let's not guilt (changed spelling) trip the parents who have to, or choose to, ask their children to pay their way. There are ways of being supportive that don't involve cash.

svain

FBaby wrote: »

I agree with takman, I don't understand why this is such a matter of debate. They really are two types of young people still living with their parents. The lazy who want it easy in every way, so when mum cooks, clean, and only ask for £50 a week or even better nothing at all, what would possibly be the incentive to move into your own place? Unfortunately, I do think there are more and more young adults with an incredible sense of entitlement who really believe they should still be the responsibility of their parents, whilst some parents encourages it because better to get £200 a month than nothing when they've had to deal with the cut of their tax credits.


Then you have the very responsible youngsters, who know that the earlier you can invest in property, the most stable your investment will be and are on a mission to put any penny aside to become a home owner asap and therefore stay as short a time at their parents.

Personally, my kids can forget about fitting into the first category, but considering I have made them wash their clothes, iron, clean etc... since they were able to do so, and I am not the overly mother type anyway, I think the only motivation they would have to stay here is indeed to be able to afford to move as quickly as possible!

There are also 3 possibly 4 types of parents ...

a) The jealous type because their children have a more disposable income .... so sting them hard on board and cover it up as some kind of life lesson

b) The type that have a genuine need for the extra income from their children and charge accordingly

c) The type that feels their children should contribute but do it fairly in a way that they only charge for their genuine extra cost (30% of all utility bills is NOT a genuine "extra" cost, nor is charging for a room)

d) The type who would never charge their children ... because they are family and that doesnt change because they have an income.

sew_what

svain wrote: »

There are also 3 possibly 4 types of parents ...

a) The jealous type because their children have a more disposable income .... so sting them hard on board and cover it up as some kind of life lesson

b) The type that have a genuine need for the extra income from their children and charge accordingly

c) The type that feels their children should contribute but do it fairly in a way that they only charge for their genuine extra cost (30% of all utility bills is NOT a genuine "extra" cost, nor is charging for a room)

d) The type who would never charge their children ... because they are family and that doesnt change because they have an income.

e) The parents who have scrimped and saved to put their child through uni because their student loan isn't enough to live on and had hoped to downsize & reduce their living costs but find themselves still needing a bigger house.

I'm in the "if you're an adult earning a wage you should contribute to the household" camp!

cloudy-day

seashore22 wrote: »

It's nice for you and your children that you are in position to do that, but let's not quilt trip the parents who have to, or choose to, ask their children to pay their way. There are ways of being supportive that don't involve cash.

Totally agree with what you meant to say.....but 'Quilt Trip'?? That sounds lovely on this chilly morning!!