Should I be paying for everything?

Poor_Single_lady

£950 a month

Blimey.
I seriously need to get a boyfriend.

*max*

How did you manage before he moved in, with bills of £1500 (without groceries!) and £1200 take-home pay?? Do you have a massive mortgage? And how would you manage if he left? This whole thing is a recipe for financial disaster, nevermind the ins and out of how much he should/should not contribute.

pearl123

Penny Pot, You could tell him that you want so save rather than spend. That you want pay off your credit cards. See how he reacts.

Poor_Single_lady

Old_Geezer wrote: »

Is the £950 negotiable? :rotfl:

haha


But seriously £950 is so much money. I'm not remotely surprised he thought that was joint money for holidays and Passports - Where does it go. It just seems such a massive amount of money and the maths is all wild.

If I was paying £950 a month (that's twice my mortgage) for a house that wasn't mine I too would expect that was to pay for holidays and SKY and takeaways and DVDs and toiletries and bills and all sorts of things. He probably thinks he is giving you that money to manage the house and joint expenses, whereas you think that £950 is then yours and that you are paying for everything from your own money

He brings in £1800
£950!!! to the house he lives in
£500 for kids
Left with £350 for himself which is supposed to pay for £1000 holidays.


Poor Man. This makes no sense.

hazyjo

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

£950 a month

Blimey.
I seriously need to get a boyfriend.

I've still not had an answer to whether that includes half the mortgage... Glad it's not just me who thinks it's a crazy amount.


When I've lived with partners in the past, it's been half the bills and that's it. Usually no more than around £350pm max!

heartbreak_star

This is a sit-down-and-talk job, really...

£950 is a lot. It's almost as much as I earn. But what are his actual bills like?

Draw up a budget, together.

HBS x

tgroom57

Has a clone of my ex moved in with you ? You're a genius with the budgets, and he just waves money at your budget.

By way of example- this is how I am (hopefully) teaching my daughter to manage her money. She gives me a sum each month towards bills, not including food. But she made it clear early on she also wanted a tv- so I said she must have all responsibility for the tv and what went with it (tv licence, Sky etc) ie, it's in her name, she arranges everything- plus of course she has responsibility for her own mobile phone contract & passport. She has bought a couple of items on credit over 3 months where she has given me the fixed amount to pay for it.

My point being that your 'partner' needs to take responsibility for some of the budgeting and planning. For a start, he needs to have the tv budget.

belfastgirl23

As the others say you really need to sit down and look at what you have coming in and going out. I have more sympathy with you than some of the others, £900 a month can disappear pretty quickly if your partner likes a good bottle of wine with dinner a few times a week and doesn't think about shopping at waitrose rather than lidl - especially if they have kids who stay for a night or two a week and Dad wants them to have 'treats'. Or puts the heat on when they want, puts the tumble dryer on to dry a few pairs of socks. It all adds up. And that's before you think about expensive consumer goods like TVs. (I know what I'm talking about in all of this, DH doesn't stop to ask where the money is coming from before he spends).

So what are the basic spends (Mortgage, rates, electric, gas, water) and have they changed since he's been there? What is your grocery spend like with and without him? You need to sit down for a few hours with your bank statements and bills and figure out where exactly the money is going. Knowledge is power.

Then once you've figured it out you need to talk to him. I have a sense this is the snag in the whole thing though. You don't want to talk to him about it. Why? Was this a bone of contention with the ex-wife? If so, maybe there was a reason for that. Or are you a financial control freak (I'm guilty of this) and don't want him interfering (badly put but you see what I'm getting at). What is making this so hard to talk about? You need to be honest with yourself about this as he doesn't necessarily sound like a bad guy. Maybe you can't bear to be the one making him face up to facts....if the TVs went on your credit card, at some point you agreed to him buying them, or at the very least didn't argue.

Roughly speaking your choices are: spend less or he contributes more (this is presuming you have no leftover money which sounds like it's the case).

Penny_Pott

Hi.
Thanks for all the responses. I've been trying to catch up with a few but I'm getting a bit confused. :rotfl:
For those people thinking he puts in 950 and so I only put 550 in, I also pay for all shopping which is easily £500pm. :cool:

*max*

Penny_Pott wrote: »

Hi.
Thanks for all the responses. I've been trying to catch up with a few but I'm getting a bit confused. :rotfl:
For those people thinking he puts in 950 and so I only put 550 in, I also pay for all shopping which is easily £500pm. :cool:

I already thought you were living beyond your means before you mentioned the £500 shopping on top, but this is...:eek: You simply cannot afford to live this lifestyle, it's not going to end well. £1500 per month in JUST housing + bills is massive for your salary, even with his contribution. But with £500 groceries added...

That's £2000 a month for 2 people! You simply cannot sustain that on your income.