Should I be paying for everything?

hazyjo

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I bring him 1200, he brings home 1800, he gives me 950. Our bills before shopping are £1500 so it's probably about half. So when it comes to extras...holidays, I think we should both be paying for it and I shouldn't just be figuring it into my budget

Are you including the mortgage in that?


£950 pm seems like a hell of a lot for him to be paying you...!

SeduLOUs

Your bills do sound extremely excessive. If everything is in your name, how did you afford it before he came along, and more importantly, how would you afford it if he disappeared?

Mojisola

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I bring him 1200, he brings home 1800, he gives me 950. Our bills before shopping are £1500 so it's probably about half.

So when it comes to extras...holidays, I think we should both be paying for it and I shouldn't just be figuring it into my budget

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I think he is genuinely oblivious. He is a good guy and would never deliberately cause stress or rip anyone off or anything like that. But I also know he never seems to have any money either so I don't want to give him financial burden either.

Does that make any sense?

No, it doesn't!

He earns more than you but is spending his money and yours as well on luxuries.

Sit down and talk, go through the figures and learn to say no to his 'wants'.

Penny_Pott

I have children. They are grown up though. My ex husband is my ex husband because he never contributed a penny to our house, marriage, kids etc. Even after we split he never saw them or paid maintenance. I'm not sure if this is where some of my annoyance comes from, his ex gets everything (and rightly so) I think she takes advantage, she has a go at him so he gives her what she wants. I'm very aware that this is possibly me being the green eyed monster. :rotfl:

Gilead

Get rid of the luxuries for a start - the cost of Sky Q x 12 months would be a start. On top of his spending has he run up any debts on credit cards?

I would hazard a guess that the 3 new TVs over the last years are costing in excess of £400 each? So a frivolous spend of approx £1200 (give or take dependent on his taste for the latest tech) which is the cost of a holiday.

Do not enable that behaviour. You appear to have a healthy aversion of debt, you need to apply that to his spending.

Mojisola

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I'm very aware that this is possibly me being the green eyed monster.

Why do you think the problem is that you're jealous when he is the one being subsidised by you?

Your monthly bills do seem high - you could put up a SOA on the Debt-free Board and reduce your outgoings.

It would be worth building a 'luxuries pot' into the monthly money he gives you. When a new TV or another holiday is suggested, talk about whether that money should be used for it. If there isn't enough, get him to put his half of the money into that account before buying stuff or booking the holiday. That way, you only have to pay your share and not his as well.

lika_86

Does he understand what you have left?

Have you sat down and done a household budget?

I suggest you agree to both putting aside an amount each month for luxuries like holidays, if the money isn't there then you don't spend it. Easy.

davidwood123

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I have children. They are grown up though. My ex husband is my ex husband because he never contributed a penny to our house, marriage, kids etc. Even after we split he never saw them or paid maintenance. I'm not sure if this is where some of my annoyance comes from, his ex gets everything (and rightly so) I think she takes advantage, she has a go at him so he gives her what she wants. I'm very aware that this is possibly me being the green eyed monster. :rotfl:

No.

His children need looking after but his ex shouldn't get everything.

Loz01

How did he just "get" Sky Q if you share a house? Didn't you have a discussion about it and how much it would cost? Surely you'd ask the other person if they wanted it/if it was in the budget... same for 3 TVs! Id be perplexed (and annoyed) if my OH ditched a TV for no reason and bought another one without even mentioning it to me.

Marvel1

Penny_Pott wrote: »

He wanted the holiday more than I did. I found the cheapest one I could.
I know that if we book for something for next year, I will just end up paying for it. I never not pay a bill so if it's due and he says he has no money, which is what he constantly says (in my head he should have 500 a month spare, but because he is always complaining he can't afford things I am feeling guilty) I would just find it somehow and pay it.

Simple solution, you have no money also.;)