Should I be paying for everything?

Penny_Pott

He wanted the holiday more than I did. I found the cheapest one I could.
I know that if we book for something for next year, I will just end up paying for it. I never not pay a bill so if it's due and he says he has no money, which is what he constantly says (in my head he should have 500 a month spare, but because he is always complaining he can't afford things I am feeling guilty) I would just find it somehow and pay it.

SeduLOUs

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I intend to. I am just trying to get some neutral opinions first. It's a hard conversation to have so a feel of how to approach it is wise.

A neutral opinion is that you should both contribute 50% to the cost of everything.

When people don't earn the same or have 'personal' bills e.g. Sky Q that is expensive but only one party wants, or expensive toiletries that slip into the weekly shared shop then it needs conversation and compromise.

Penny_Pott

I don't mind paying half, I just know I can't afford it all

Hedgehog99

Penny_Pott wrote: »

The bills alone before we even think about shopping are £1500pm. Since he moved in we have had 3 new tv's, because he wanted a better one every year. We have just had Sky Q installed because he wanted it to go with his latest tv. I only bring home £1200.

Unless you both wanted them equally, I'd regard the new TVs and Sky as luxuries. If he was the main instigator of their purchase, he should have paid for them out of his own "surplus" wages.

Penny_Pott

I bring him 1200, he brings home 1800, he gives me 950. Our bills before shopping are £1500 so it's probably about half. So when it comes to extras...holidays, I think we should both be paying for it and I shouldn't just be figuring it into my budget

Hedgehog99

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I think he intended to. He just always spent his money on other things

Oh, you've fallen for that old line have you. Meanwhile he has a new partner whom he knows will never let a bill go unpaid. How convenient.

I'm afraid this is a common scenario where one partner has kids and the other doesn't. It's often the partner without kids who ends up funding the couple's lifestyle while the partner with kids claims they're having to spend all their money on their kids and ex

SeduLOUs

Penny_Pott wrote: »

He wanted the holiday more than I did. I found the cheapest one I could.
I know that if we book for something for next year, I will just end up paying for it. I never not pay a bill so if it's due and he says he has no money, which is what he constantly says (in my head he should have 500 a month spare, but because he is always complaining he can't afford things I am feeling guilty) I would just find it somehow and pay it.

Then you need to put your foot down. If he can't afford it and you don't want to pick up the slack it doesn't happen.

If you have to pay a bill that he can't afford then remind him what he owes you on payday.

You just have to talk to him. If you always just pay the bills he can't afford and pick up the pieces perhaps he believes you have more disposable income than you do and that you are happy to do it - he could be genuinely oblivious. He can't change it unless he knows it's a problem for you.

elsien

Penny_Pott wrote: »

He wanted the holiday more than I did. I found the cheapest one I could.
I know that if we book for something for next year, I will just end up paying for it. .

Only if you allow that to happen. If he wants to take his kids away then let him be responsible for choosing it, booking it, paying for it, and losing the money/letting his children down if he doesn't get his act together. Obviously pay a fair share if you're going along as well, but give him the opportunity to suit the holiday to his budget and take the consequences if he doesn't make the payments.

Penny_Pott

He definitely was, in the 22 years of having my home I had had 3 tv's in total, one of those was only replaced because it got dropped in a house move and broke

Penny_Pott

I think he is genuinely oblivious. He is a good guy and would never deliberately cause stress or rip anyone off or anything like that. But I also know he never seems to have any money either so I don't want to give him financial burden either. Does that make any sense?