Should I be paying for everything?

davidwood123

Mojisola wrote: »

Paying towards your partner's mortgage creates a dilemma.

If the GF in the couple who split had handed over mortgage money, it would have potentially given her some beneficial rights to the house.

It might be that Penny Pott's OH knows this and is paying towards the mortgage (while getting her to pay his share of other things) so that he can make a claim on the house if they split up.

Well the advice should be the same to Penny pott.

He shouldn't be paying you ANY money towards YOUR mortgage so I'd stop crying over the fact he gives you a large some of money each month when he actually shouldn't be.

In fact, you could argue he never paid towards the mortgage and all the money he gave her each month paid for the TV's, holidays and luxuries.

SeduLOUs

davidwood123 wrote: »

On the thread I mentioned people said the only thing she possibly should have paid towards the mortgage was half the interest.

I suggested she lived there for free for a number of years so should at least give him some of the money saved.

Apparently I was wrong in my suggestion according to the Marriage, Relationship and Family thread posters.

I also suggested that if the sexes were reversed said posters who have a different opinion.

This thread proved me right :money:

I absolutely would have agreed with you in the other thread you mention. I'm struggling to have the same courage of conviction because it's me asking for the money.

As it stands our idea is that I will pay the mortgage at ~£200, and he will save £100 and give me £100 to save (or possibly save it all in a joint account) on the promise that neither of us spend our parts.

If we break up I stay in the house and he has some savings to sort himself out, and I have been paid something for the time he has spent in the property.

If it all works out and someone pops the big question in a few years time we'll have a nice saving pile between us to pay for the wedding.

There's still something that makes me feel a little uneasy about it all, but the absolute worst case scenario for him is leaving with nothing but having paid a way below market rent for however long and being able to save. He isn't currently anywhere close to being in a position to buy, so his worst case scenario still paints him significantly better off than if he hadn't met me and was just renting somewhere with or without someone else.

davidwood123

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5668841

There you go SeduLOUs

Mojisola

davidwood123 wrote: »

Well the advice should be the same to Penny pott.

I would always give the same advice. It doesn't matter whether the house owner is a man or a woman.

The situation is that a partner can gain beneficial rights to the property if he/she pays towards the mortgage or substantial improvements to the property although it will be very expensive to try to claim any money back.

The house owner has to decide whether to accept money towards the mortgage and risk a claim or let the partner live totally rent-free or ask for money to be saved each month - this can be used by the couple if the relationship lasts or used by the partner to move somewhere else if things break down.

The homeowner is no worse off if the partner leaves with all his/her money - they would have been paying the mortgage alone anyway - although many find it hard to accept the the ex has been living rent-free in their house.

Unlike a tenant or lodger, a live-in partner has no rights and could find themselves homeless with no notice at all.

hazyjo

I always give the same advice - split the bills, not the mortgage (or improvements).


The non-owner can then save any money towards a deposit for when/if they do decide to buy together. If they pay for holidays if paying really low amount and earn a lot, that's great - but I would say that whatever way round it was.


I definitely don't swap views on that!

peachyprice

Penny_Pott wrote: »

I bring him 1200, he brings home 1800, he gives me 950. Our bills before shopping are £1500 so it's probably about half. So when it comes to extras...holidays, I think we should both be paying for it and I shouldn't just be figuring it into my budget

What did you do before he moved in if you earn £300 less than the bills without food are?

He pays £950 towards household bills, you pay £550, no wonder he thought the holiday would be paid from the excess he's giving you.

mark5

I think your partner should be paying towards holidays but it sounds like he's paying more than his share towards the house each month, so does this money already cover it?

If for example he's paying 250 extra towards monthly bills then does this not cover the cost of his half of the holidays?

In our house, holidays come out of the joint account along with all household bills as it's a joint expenditure.

Zeni

I think what lies right at the heart of this is that you need to talk to your partner about your shared finances.. If you can't do that it doesn't bode well for the future. You have to sort out who's paying what and explain to him what your paying for otherwise it'll eventually come to a head that you cant afford all these things. He could be assuming what he pays you covers most of the things.
Personally I know my husband would never in a million years let me pay for a 1k holiday for us both (and like you I earn less) by myself! It just wouldn't sit right with him.

peachyprice

Zeni wrote: »

I think what lies right at the heart of this is that you need to talk to your partner about your shared finances.. If you can't do that it doesn't bode well for the future. You have to sort out who's paying what and explain to him what your paying for otherwise it'll eventually come to a head that you cant afford all these things. He could be assuming what he pays you covers most of the things.
Personally I know my husband would never in a million years let me pay for a 1k holiday for us both (and like you I earn less) by myself! It just wouldn't sit right with him.

But she's not paying for a £1k holiday 'by herself' he's giving her £250 more, month in month out, than the bills are and is paying £400 more a month towards HER house than she is. It's not unreasonable for him to assume that of the £950 he gives her every month that she could put some of that towards his share of the holiday.

I take £150-£250 a month out of our joint bank account every month to save for holidays, I book the holiday from my own account, that does not mean I am paying for the holiday!

mark5

Zeni wrote: »

I think what lies right at the heart of this is that you need to talk to your partner about your shared finances.. If you can't do that it doesn't bode well for the future. You have to sort out who's paying what and explain to him what your paying for otherwise it'll eventually come to a head that you cant afford all these things. He could be assuming what he pays you covers most of the things.
Personally I know my husband would never in a million years let me pay for a 1k holiday for us both (and like you I earn less) by myself! It just wouldn't sit right with him.

Unless your in an expensive part of the country though, you would more than expect 950 to cover half the household bills each month for two people with some left over.

The op might be wise to let her partner book the holiday with him as lead passenger though that way he will be responsible for making the payment, op can just give him her share then, probably about 30% -35% if he takes his two children with them.