Should I be paying for everything?

Penny_Pott

Hi there, I'm new here and don't really know what I'm doing to be honest, so if this is wrong or in the wrong place I apologise.
So this is how it is. My partner moved in with me 3 years ago. He earns around a third more than I do. Everything is in my name as he moved in with me and everything was already set. He gives me around half of his wage each month towards bills etc. He pays maintenance for his children and also buys any extras they need. As far as I am aware he has roughly £500 each month left after contributing to our house and giving his ex wife money. I often pay for things on my credit card and then budget into my monthly expenditure. Now we have just had our first holiday abroad together this year. I paid for it on my credit card and then paid it off. The holiday was £1000, passports were £160 and we spent £1000 while we were there. My OHs contribution to all this was he took £250 spending money. I'm really annoyed but I'm not sure if I have the right to be. He now wants to book a holiday for next year but with his children. I'm worried I'll end up footing the bill and I simply cannot afford to. I pay for absolutely everything at home. Even down to Christmas presents. Am I being selfish in my annoyance?

SeduLOUs

You're not happy. So whether it's 'fair' or not you will only get more annoyed until you sit down, talk it out and find a balance that the two of you are satisfied with, and it doesn't matter a jot what anyone else thinks.

I'm in a similar situation, buying a house, everything going to be in my name, partner moving in, I'm the higher earner and he has a kid from a previous relationship to pay for. It's inevitable that he can't afford to contribute even close to half of the actual cost of things, but we are still trying to find where the balance sits nicely that it feels 'fair' to both of us and that we are both content with. I'm happy to contribute a bigger portion, but I don't want to ever feel like I'm being taken for a ride, especially if it's just in my head and not his intention.

It's not an easy thing to do but if you don't talk it out and work out the right direction you'll just get more and more annoyed and resentful.

DUTR

Penny_Pott wrote: »

Hi there, I'm new here and don't really know what I'm doing to be honest, so if this is wrong or in the wrong place I apologise.
So this is how it is. My partner moved in with me 3 years ago. He earns around a third more than I do. Everything is in my name as he moved in with me and everything was already set. He gives me around half of his wage each month towards bills etc. He pays maintenance for his children and also buys any extras they need. As far as I am aware he has roughly £500 each month left after contributing to our house and giving his ex wife money. I often pay for things on my credit card and then budget into my monthly expenditure. Now we have just had our first holiday abroad together this year. I paid for it on my credit card and then paid it off. The holiday was £1000, passports were £160 and we spent £1000 while we were there. My OHs contribution to all this was he took £250 spending money. I'm really annoyed but I'm not sure if I have the right to be. He now wants to book a holiday for next year but with his children. I'm worried I'll end up footing the bill and I simply cannot afford to. I pay for absolutely everything at home. Even down to Christmas presents. Am I being selfish in my annoyance?

I'd say so, as you say he is already contributing 50% of his salary to you, so you are getting a good £500 plus to offset the extra expenditure.

Marvel1

He should have paid for half the holiday and his own passport.

AylesburyDuck

Why dont you just do the old fashioned thing and actually talk to HIM about it?
Lets face it, it's not like he sounds unreasonable as he already contributes half his wages to you monthly.
If you dont talk to him about what you would like to happen regarding money on holidays then how is he to know. He's not a mind reader, and what may seem obviously to others may need pointing out to him.
Communicate!

ripplyuk

Did you not discuss the cost of this holiday beforehand? If he said that he couldn't afford it and you still wanted him to come then it's up to you if you want to pay for it or have a cheaper holiday that he could share the cost of.

And why would you end up paying for him taking his kids on holiday? I wouldn't get annoyed. I just wouldn't pay.

pearl123

cjdavies wrote: »

He should have paid for half the holiday and his own passport.

I agree with this.
Since you paid for the holiday this time suggest that he pays the next time, as that would be fair, especially if you are taking his children.

If he chooses a dirt cheap holiday then you'll get a feel for his true character.

SeduLOUs

DUTR wrote: »

I'd say so, as you say he is already contributing 50% of his salary to you, so you are getting a good £500 plus to offset the extra expenditure.

It depends how much half of his salary is and what it is contributing to in both of your minds.

If half of his wages is in excess of half of the monthly bills/groceries/whatever, then perhaps it is just a misunderstanding and that he thinks that the money he is giving you is intended to cover his contribution to the holiday/gifts etc as well as the normal household bills.

You just need to go through the actual numbers, figure out what 50% each is, and then adjust from there to find the balance you are both happy with.

Penny_Pott

The bills alone before we even think about shopping are £1500pm. Since he moved in we have had 3 new tv's, because he wanted a better one every year. We have just had Sky Q installed because he wanted it to go with his latest tv. I only bring home £1200.

Penny_Pott

I intend to. I am just trying to get some neutral opinions first. It's a hard conversation to have so a feel of how to approach it is wise.

Penny_Pott

I think he intended to. He just always spent his money on other things