Living with parents in middle age

ska_lover

sleepymans wrote: »

I think that folks tend to do what they choose/ or need to do for the best....and I for one, think its up to them how they live their lives.
Until you've walked in their shoes, don't judge.

I wouldn't date someone living with their parents.....but thats because I am picky, and I know it!

That is a bit askew or 'holier than thou'


But by the very fact you would rule out a prospective partner for living with their parents, means you aren't practicing what you preach - and you are negatively judging people who live with their parents


I don't blame you for that, because I would not be attracted to someone who lived at home with their parents, however you cant pretend that you aren't judgmental, or bemoan other people for judging when you are doing the same yourself, but worse, using it as weapon to have a passive aggressive dig at strangers...at least the other people are honest

You seem to have a different view of yourself, than reality - be honest to what you are

Robisere

Wow, some of these comments are not just judgemental, they ignore the fact that every human being is an individual and subject to all the crap that life throws at them.

Thanks to a violently abusive and mentally ill mother, I could not wait to leave home. I ran away at 13, working on a travelling fair until found and brought back. I went to sea at 16, joined the Army at 19, met someone too young, had a family in another country and was eventually forced to leave at 31. Left the Army at 32 and my parents, both 40 when I was born, were in their 70's and ill. My dad, who had me taken to an aunts for 3 years as a child, to escape mother's abuse, was a great guy, badly injured in a mining accident. Mother had received successful treatment for her mental illness and was now suffering Angina and several heart attacks. How could I not live at home? I cared for them both until they died, within 7 months of each other. Between mum and dad passing, I met my wife and we made a family, it was second time for us both and I love her and my second family to bits.

In the years that I lived at home again, I ran the household budget, cooked, cleaned, washed, ironed and paid a very good board. I also paid all their bills, after putting various sources of pension and injury benefit, into a bank account. I kept my parents and brothers informed of everything: although one brother predeceased dad, the other did nothing to help.

I have a mate who lived with his parents all his life. After his dad died, I managed to get him away from his overbearing mum for a holiday every year: we went to Canada, Germany, Austria and UK places. After I married and his mum died, he just lives at home in the same house where he was born, watching TV, drinking beer and eating from the chippy every night. I keep expecting a call from another mate near him, to say he has fallen from his perch: we are both in our early 70's now. I am so glad I met my wife before that could happen to me.

You see? - two different life stories about two people who lived with parents late in life. Different because we are both individuals, something that does not appear to eneter the minds of some people here. Why criticise what you know nothing about? Why not think instead. "There, but for the grace of (your personal deity), go I"?

arsty

if there are some problems with parent's health, I can understand the situation, otherwise, how is it possible foe a man to live with his parents even after 20? there should be a problem in himself

Robisere

arsty wrote: »

if there are some problems with parent's health, I can understand the situation, otherwise, how is it possible foe a man to live with his parents even after 20? there should be a problem in himself

I understand what you say, but you are ignoring all the recent reports of people in their 20's and 30's who cannot get on the housing ladder because they cannot afford to buy or rent. Life is not always one step after another for everyone. Why do you think there are so many homeless people now? Every life story is an individual one. Until and unless you meet some real hard times, you will not be speaking from experience.

Loz01

arsty wrote: »

if there are some problems with parent's health, I can understand the situation, otherwise, how is it possible foe a man to live with his parents even after 20? there should be a problem in himself

Not having 20 grand to get on the housing ladder is a big problem!!! All my friends who have bought a house have only been able to do so because their parents or OH's parents gave them 15 grand.

indiepanda

I think it's hard to judge without knowing why they are still living with parents.

I went on dates with a couple of guys last week who were living at home. One was changing career and had rented out the flat he owned while he is building up his new self employed career with the intention of moving back out once he has started to make steady income - that seemed ok. The other had owned property before but had a couple of bad experiences (which when he revealed more didn't sound that bad) and was saving up to buy again, but admitted it was more about getting up the nerve. That bothered me a bit - suggested a bit of a lack of resilience.

As for me, I only returned home for the summer post university and then moved out when I started my first graduate job. My dad has always made it clear that if I was ever in trouble they would have me move back in with them, but I hope nothing ever happens to make that necessary, I can't imagine living at home a an adult. I would be a hopeless carer and I hope I don't need care myself in my parents lifetime. I like my independence too much to have to live by someone else's rules.

laidback

I am a manager for a storage and removal company and a large part of our business is from couples moving back in with their parents, often with kids in tow, occasionally they have no choice due to redundancy or the parent requiring care but more often than not it's simply driven by the desire to increase their disposable income,a common statement is "it will be our house one day anyway" and the lure of nice cars and fancy holidays is all that seems matters to them,in my day moving back home would be considered some kind of failure but for "generation me"
it's becoming the norm'.